


Child of the Wilderness.

by Alexia_Imriel_Courcel



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars: The Last Jedi - Fandom
Genre: AT-AT - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Slavery, Alternate Universe - Sugar Daddy, Consensual, Daddy Kink, Death, Dominant Armitage Hux, F/M, First Kiss, First Order machinery, First Time, Innocent, Loss of Virginity, Mention of organ harvesting, Non-Consensual Body Modification, Non-Sexual Slavery, Slavery, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Stormtrooper Culture, The First Order, War, dd/lg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-20 04:58:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 93,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11913705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexia_Imriel_Courcel/pseuds/Alexia_Imriel_Courcel
Summary: Born into slavery, you have known little all your life. Illiterate, but well versed in several spoken languages you have been traded to a Yuuzhan Vong settlement on the planet Cardannia.  A self proclaimed superior race, that shuns all technology; but openly trades with those that have it.During failed trading negotiations with the First Order, you for the first time ever are asked where your loyalties lie.  Fairer than the Yuuzhan Vong your first instincts are to deny your allegiance to your masters.  But what will happen when the negotiations are over, and there are none loyal to you?Very consensual, to make up for my frankly awful depiction of our beloved Armitage Hux.





	1. Something in the water

“And just what do you think you are doing?”

The redhead glowered at you. Squinting in the late afternoon sun as he caught you leafing through a small holo pad; marching forwards to cut off the image generator.  It was a futile act that unfortunately was not completely lost on you; just pointless. It was not as though you could read the language written above the diagram and illustrations of the Senflax, that you knew by now that they were here looking for.  You had translated enough of their conversations to your so-called masters to realise that these men were hunting the plant.  Even on its home planet of Cadannia it was a rare plant. Difficult enough to find already, without knowing that your masters were deliberately misleading the visiting First Order delegation.

First there had been misleading maps; then when asked for one no guides who knew the local supply of the neurotoxin then Senflax produced.  Then there had been one or two accidents.  First a missing officer, and then some large predator seemed to have wiped out one of the smaller scouting parties.  All of which would doubtless be untraceable back to the village leaders; but all too easily linked not the deliberate.  The First Order had behaved with impeccable manners.  Simply replacing the lead officers and adding more soldiers for ‘everyone’s’ protection.  Setting up their own camp within the jungle village, manning watches and the gate way to prevent further incidents.  The latest two additions to the First Order trade delegation seemed to be less gullible than the previous leaders you had dealt with.  No body now entered or left the village walls, without first being checked over by their stormtroopers.  The officers in charge subtly and effectively making everyone in the village, freeborn or not; their prisoner. 

It made no difference to you, except that both the redhead and the black and silver clad thing required more of your time than their previous General had.   Their cleverly worded questions, making your masters withdraw earlier and earlier from the previously frequent meetings and meals until they became almost none existent.  Leaving yourself as the lone human to carry back and forth messages and details; ensuring you would be in the firing line once they had guessed.  Now it seemed they had worked out something was wrong, though not who was at fault.  

 “I can’t read it, if that’s what you think; it was just the pictures.”

You face burned red under the tanned skin of your cheeks.  The warm sunlight doing nothing to hide the shame at your admission.  You were a slave; left here by a previous trader in exchange for a single vial of the neurotoxin.  Your only real use for the Yuuzhan Vong was as a translator.  For all they despised you as a human; the species despised technology especially droids.  The first use of a protocol droid in their presence had put a three day hold on the trade negotiations, and you had been dragged from the hut of your owners to serve as translator.  Now you were shamed into having to admit you were also an illiterate one.  Whilst you spoke five languages; you read none of them.    

It had been both the strange equipment and the pictures it displayed that had drawn your attention.  The holograms on the device showed beautiful buildings already beginning to be reclaimed by the plants in question.  Their purpose had apparently been both meditation and worship.  Possibly of an ancient deity or supreme being as far as the whispers of local gossip had told you.  For all the Yuuzhan Vong had claimed not to remember the routes; there were those amongst them who had been before.  They claimed the former dwellings were void of all life now, just places haunted by dead spectres and ghosts. 

Some of them wishing to educate the locals who dared to travel there.  Others powerful warriors, who instead helped the warriors who had journeyed there to hone their battle skills; but all of them supposedly noble and wise.  All dressed in similar long flowing robes, plainly coloured.  Simple fabrics that danced with them as they moved.  Their long cloaks dragging behind them as they followed them through the ruins of the building.  The locals both feared the ghosts above the threats of these First Order bullies and were loathed to share their secrets.  So not only had they sent the wrong maps, but had refused to send any who would be useful to act as guides through the perilous jungles.  Instead they had offered you; a weak lowly female translator.   

It was well known the camp that you were the lowest slave amongst any that the local Yuuzhan Vong owned.  Your only show of bravery had been killing a visiting Yuuzhan Vong who had oddly requested the experience of lying with a human.  Your owner had felt some sense of pride for all you were beaten to within an inch of your life for the crime; kept alive only by the crassness of the Yuuzhan Vong request and your owner; in the hopes of recuperating his loss.  Now that day seemed to have come, and your owner had proudly offered you as a guide in exchange for the small sum of basic medical supplies the General had traded for your services. 

“I am supposed to believe that a race capable of wilfully deceiving the First Order, would be stupid enough to send an illiterate spy.”

The sneer in his voice was more painful than the bite of a nearby rock into your already bruised ribs. That was the justification for the tears you lied to yourself.  Your lip quivering as you refused to cry, again pleading your innocence to the approaching Stormtroopers. Watching as he reaching for the magnetic binders hanging dully at his hip, fastening them around your wrists.

The regiment of shiny white clad soldiers had long since faded to a mucky brown.  All of their armour coated with a generous layer of copper brown dust from the mineral deposits in the dry soil.  The dust rubbing off the manacles onto your already copper dusted skin; standing when ordered.  It was too hot to fight the trooper who held your arm; and pointless.  As of yet, none of the First Order personnel had seen fit to back hand you for so much as looking at you wrong.  Perhaps you thought trembling despite the fierce heat; they would be kinder in their punishments.

“The girl does not lie Hux.”

The modulated voice, belonged to the second of the visitors; the other man in charge.  His arrival flanked by another, lower ranking officer.  Her breathing unlike the chrome thing, heavy and languid in the claggy heat.  The temperature seemed too to be having an adverse effect on the softer clad officers.  Their uniforms may have been cooler; but they seemed to manage worse in the heat.  Daily their freshly washed hair and laundered uniforms would be nothing more than sweat soaked dust rags come the evening.  Their clothing plastered to them, and almost dripping with sweat as it was handed over the slaves to wash. 

The redhead besides you seemed to have it worse than his grey clad counterparts.  Bravely refusing to show he was struggling though.  His jet black tunic and trousers seemed to absorb the worst of the Cadannia heat.  Whatever his position; he was ranked higher than the other soldiers.  This you guessed from the way he conversed with the black clad monolith that was their apparent leader.  The man who had thankfully just backed up your honestly spoken explanation.  Flicking his wrist in a simple pattern, that seemed to order the binders at your wrist to release you.  Clearly going against the other leader’s wishes, from the argument that followed about the integrity of your actions.

Both the men seemed think themselves equally as in control as the other.  Both of them alpha males, fighting to be the one truly at the top of the ladder.  The softly clad man thought himself the unit’s leader.  Though if their actions were to be judged; the men around them did not feel this way.  The fear they showed for whatever was under that black and chrome mask was apparent, and far more conducive to a swiftly followed order.  Often undermining the previous and often conflicted order of the so called; General Hux.  Now you were grateful for him stepping in.  Rubbing your wrists; as you listened to the General dismiss all the soldiers present; bar the Lieutenant.  Requesting she followed both himself and Kylo Ren into one of the huge walkers, currently set up as a temporary meeting room.  Ordering you first to follow and then once inside to bring refreshments from the side room inside. 

You had hurried to obey despite the fear of being inside the metal monolith that towered above the canopy of the jungle greenery. Swiftly gathering supplies, in hope that your servility would prove you not a threat to the ginger who now gave you orders.  Although currently stationary it was ridiculously high; higher than you had ever been before.  Your position as their translator had meant that you had seen it move into its given place, when it had been dropped from the ship hovering above.  It was an impressive piece of equipment, its design like nothing you had seen before with other visitors.  Standing on four legs, it looked like some ginormous jungle predator and unlike your masters, you were not stupid.  To think they stood any chance of holding out against the occupiers, they still foolishly called a trade delegation was futile; better to cooperate and give them what they wanted.  

Carrying enough refreshments into the steel clad tank, you set them before the three bodies sat around the table.  Watching in absolute amazement as the dark clad one removed his helmet, displaying to you something neither you nor the Yuuzhan Vong had ever seen before; his face.

“Sit.”

Trying not to gape, you moved to obey the man’s order.  Shaking as you sat down, occupying the lone empty stool opposite him and furthest from the door.  Effectively sandwiched between the two officers, all three leaving you trapped inside the metallic tent shaped room.  Eyes wide with fear as your legs threatened to give way beneath you, thankful that once on the stool you could fall no lower.  Ashamed as the man stood to slide his plate of food towards you, that you looked so dirty and dishevelled.  Your slave dress little more than a shapeless wrapping of rags, held in place by a utility belt around your waist.

“You are not entirely loyal to your masters, are you?”

Without the mask, he sounded deceptively human; almost caring in the way he slid the food towards you.  But also aware from experience that kindness was something to be feared.  All too often your masters would pretend to offer some kindness, only to punish you twice afterwards; one for stupidly accepting it, the other by taunting you with its removal.  It was hard not to stare at the plate though.  The pile of military rations on it, was still more food than you would see in two days, let alone one meal.  Your mouth watering, as your stomach protested that you should eat it quickly and be damned the consequences.  Better to beg forgiveness on a full stomach than an empty one.

“Commander Ren asked you a question, slave.”

You pulled your eyes from the food, staring back at the other man who had spoken and nodded.  His pale blue eyes narrowing as he assessed your predicament, flitting between you and the plate.  He leaned back from the table, resting his back against the durasteel wall behind him to look better at you. 

“You should use your words, and address your superiors by rank and name.”

Blinking away the itchy prickling in your eyes, you swallowed the lump of fear that had formed in your throat to him telling you off.  Jumping as the officer next to you poured water from the communal jug in the table, placing one goblet next to your plate, smiling at you as she did so.

“No Commander, Lord Kylo Ren.”  

You answered more to prevent yourself from any risk of further reprisals from the man who had called you out on your supposed spying; than because it was your job to give them this information.  As a slave, you hardly needed a job title.  When you had been selected to act as translator, your masters had pulled you aside and made sure you understood you were to be amenable to any of the visitor’s requests.  Needlessly stressing that unless they proved treasonous to the Yuuzhan Vong, nothing was to be considered beneath you.  You were already proving expendable to your masters, you did not need to make yourself more so by disobeying their visitors.

Smirking in obvious entertainment at your attempts to follow orders, General Hux pulled his hand to his face.  Stroking his bottom lip to hide amusement, until he had his face once more neutral and under his control.  Leaning forwards to take the tiniest sip of his water.  Frowning at it before replacing the tumbler, setting it down in the precise spot it had previously resided in on the sleek metal table. 

“Just Commander Ren will do.  How much of the diagrams did you understand?”

His voice didn’t show any aggression or hints of any to come, neither were there the warning signs of over gentleness that spoke of a trap to come. Looking to the other officer, you could also see amusement there, though it was nothing to the merriment in Kylo Ren’s eyes.  This was a trap then, there was to be some amusement some little punishment for you spying; you had to think and fast.  You didn’t think it could be classed as treason to the Yuuzhan Vong to admit you had guessed they were looking for the plant, surely the Yuuzhan Vong already knew what they were seeking.  But you knew that they had to be hiding the plant from the First Order for a reason.  It was a hard decision to make, one that would carry consequences from whichever side you disappointed.  Whilst here and now you were in immediate danger from the General and Commander Ren, they would eventually leave and return you to your owners.  Eventually you would be stuck with the Yuuzhan Vong and they would be free to punish you for much longer than the First Order would.  Deciding you were best not answering, you gave an uncomplicated shrug, determined to play stupider than you were.  Deciding that there was safety in your illiterateness, if you could just cling to it.

“Commander Ren has a unique gift, one that will allow him to see should you lie to him.  Now I will ask you only one more time before I permit him to peruse this more painful avenue with you.  How much of the diagrams did you understand?”

The onus was on the word painful, and you didn’t for one moment think he meant that it would be painful to Kylo Ren or either of the other two people here.  You couldn’t disappoint the Yuuzhan Vong though.  No matter how painful Kylo Ren’s gift would be to you, it was nothing to the months of hunger and pain your masters would gift to you. 

“I cannot read, I-”

You were cut off by the slam of leather against the table.  The man opposite you standing with both hands splayed over the table.  His much taller frame all the more imposing as it loomed over the shoulders of the other two.  Quickly you changed tactics, stammering a more believable answer.

“I know you’re looking for the plant, the Senflax.”

The brunette’s dark eyes narrowed, head tilting as he lowered himself back down to his seat.  His hands still pressed to the table as he looked over at you.  General Hux proceeding with asking any further question.

“Do you know why we want the plant?”

Stomach flopping with relief you answered.  This time able to do so truthfully without needing to lie, or to alert the suspicions of either of the alpha males, by giving an evasive answer.

 “No General Hux.”

The man opposite you took his hands from the table.  Shoulders still straight as he looked over at General Hux, nodding as he spoke again.

“The girl speaks the truth this time General.”

General Hux’s lips pursed.  Elbows on the table, he clasped both hands together, interlacing his fingers.  Bringing the tips of both index fingers together, pressing the sides of them to his lips, almost humming in thought. 

“Eat.”

You looked back at the seated Kylo Ren.  You were no longer hungry, too stressed for your stomach to recognise that there was food before you.  He repeated his instructions to you, careful to add a tone to the order, that suggested that deciding to refuse him would not be an option you wished to peruse.

You reached for the dehydrated fruit first.  Pinching what may have been a berry, between your thumb and forefinger, chewing on it before downing half the tumbler of water.  Reaching next for a cracker, spread thickly with protein paste.  You had just started the next cracker when General Hux spoke again to you. 

“But you do realise that the Yuuzhan Vong are deliberately hiding the source of it from us?”

You nodded.  Unable to answer yet with your mouth full of cracker and paste.  The mixture too dry and claggy to speak, until you had taken another swig of the drink to clear the mixture.  Draining the glass, to answer with the correctly spoken phrase.  Remembering to add his title and name to your answer.

“Do you know where we can find the plant?”

You needed another drink, your mouth was drier than the stale bread the Yuuzhan Vong fed you.  Reaching forwards, you broke all protocol and poured another glass.  Dimly registering the frown on Kylo Ren’s face, blinking as it momentarily slid out of focus.  You were more afraid than you realised if your fear was effecting your vision.  Managing to nod a temporary answer, you took another swig of your drink to moisten your tongue.  Strangely compliant as you answered the General again.

“Yes, General Hux.”

You didn’t think you had done anything wrong.  You had answered correctly, spoke the truth and showed willingness to cooperate.  So the jolt of General Hux knocking your glass from your hand before you could take another drink made you gasp in shock; tripping over the stool in an attempt to dodge the Officer next to you, as she grabbed hold of you.  Hitting the floor as the metal contraption you were in shook.  It was moving!  There was a swaying, rocking sensation that made you dizzy.  Leaning your head to the side, your stomach gave a lurch.  Then you watched in horror as the meal you had just eaten deposited itself on the floor, splattering over the Officer’s feet.  The woman letting go of you, letting you fall to the floor as she ran off.  Another heave and you could feel fingers down your throat, weakly attempting to push them away.  Your eyelids heavily demanding you close them, a drowsy sensation settling in your limbs that made your mind suggest sleep.  You wanted to close them.  But a gruff voice, followed by another wave of vomit had them springing open retching once more onto the metal gridded floor.  Mournfully watching the wasted nutrients slip through the gaps in the durasteel lattice work, one more and your stomach was empty and you were exhausted.  Flopping over onto your back you looked up.  The space above you occupied by a black, blurred, humanoid shape.  A face like shape slipping in an out of focus, as it forced a fowl tasting powder into your mouth.  Closing your mouth and holding it closed as it gave an order not to close your eyes.  Pinching your nose closed until you were forced against your will to swallow it.  The hand moving from your mouth to allow you to take a gasping breath of air.  Choking on residue parts of the powder mix, as you flopped down.  Surprised to discover another set of arms around your waist and a soft chest at your back.  Never had you felt so boneless, or your body so unresponsive.  You were afraid and to your amazement; for the first time since you were a child, you allowed yourself to cry in front of someone.  Trying to curl into a tight ball, at the first sob and hide yourself from the hand that brushed your hair from your forehead; General Hux shushing you as he pressed something cool to your heated forehead. 

“The drug’s effects will wear off soon.  It is safe to rest now.”

If you were shocked at yourself for showing such an obvious weakness; then more so was your confusion at the gentle treatment of you.  Following his instructions to rest, you closed your eyes.  Exhaustion making the task of resting easier to you.  The world less fuzzy and sickening behind the darkness of your eyelids.       


	2. Our valued destiny comes to nothing

When you woke, it was to find yourself alone in a metal box room.  The walls surrounding you, seemed to be plain metal sheeting, riveted with the dull sheen of factory worked permasteel.  The only light, a thin sliver under the closed door; bathing the cell in a dull half-light.  You were laid out on a thin metal shelf bolted to one of the walls. There was an inch-thick hard mattress cushioning the metal under you.  Doing little to pad the hardness of the shelf, it at least afforded protection from the chill of the cold steel under you.  Covering you, was a white sheet, protecting you from the rough spun and itchy kaki coloured blanket, covering your naked body. Whilst you were warm under them, the coverlets were not an excuse for the comfort of your own clothing.  It might have been shabby garment, but it protected your modesty and you wanted to know where your dress was.  The surroundings confused you, as did your nakedness.  After years of slavery; you knew to think fast to minimise the risk to you.  The room was way too clean and far too mechanically put together to belong to the Yuuzhan Vong; which realistically only left the First Order.  You could remember everything clearly before you had blacked out, had the powder been what had caused the dizziness and the nausea; or had it stopped it.  Were you here then as their prisoner, or their guest? 

It still made for a more luxurious bed than you were used to.  Compared to your usual place on the cold, packed mud floor of the slave hut, this was luxury.  It was a simple thing to slide out from under the covers.  Ignoring the cold under the soles of your feet and pull out the sheet, twisting it around you into a shapeless wrapping of cotton.  Lifting the hem and quietly pattering across the cold floor. The door to your room was shut, thought common sense told you to try the handle; it might not be locked.

It swung open suddenly; to show the tall re-masked Kylo Ren; his shoulders easily spanning the now open doorway.  The light blinding as you yelped, running back to the bed, for fear that you should not have left it.  Sliding back onto it in such a panicked rush, that the sheet became tangled and unwrapped themselves from your breasts.  Fighting with it, you swiftly moved to conceal yourself, before the black robed Kylo Ren stepped fully into the room.

“Interesting.”

His head tilted, and the visor tilted down at you.  Hissing you followed where he was going, you had almost missed a nipple; the edge of it peeking above the sheet.  Blushing you covered it up, wishing that the floor would open and swallow you up.  You had been told to make yourself available to any of the First Order’s requests, and now undressed and vulnerable in this thin room; you began to suspect more nefarious reasons to you being naked.  

It was not unheard of for slaves to be used for sexual purposes under the Yuuzhan Vong’s ownership.  Just so uncommon, that you had only seen it happen once in your entire life to you.  An intoxicated visitor, who had decided that he wanted the release after battle; even if it meant using a filthy human.  He had been an ugly, smelly specimen, even for a Yuuzhan Vong and his death had thankfully benefitted the tribe, or else your owner would not have been able to insist that you lived.  But sex you supposed had to happen, and you had seen Kylo Ren without his mask.  He was not a disgusting Yuuzhan Vong, and nor was he bad looking even for a human.  If the First Order were going to insist on this being a part of your duties then you could cope with Kylo Ren being the first; so long as he was gentle with you.

You reached the hem of the sheet around your legs.  Shaking as you adjusted it, so you would be better positioned on the cot bed.  Lifting your white face just in time to see Kylo Ren swiftly twirling on his heels and exiting your cell. The mask spitting out a static punctuated yell for the General as his bounding bootsteps echoed down the corridor.  Leaving you even more confused as to what was happening to you, for a good passage of time; before the General arrived.  Precise clipped steps that brought him into your room, clutching to him a small pile of fabrics.

“These are cleaner than those filthy rags, that the Yuuzhan Vong seem to think acceptable as clothing for you.”

The scorn in his voice was a hint to you not to complain at his insult to you.  Nor to add that you had owned those dirty rags for years.  The clothes may have been bad, but you had kept yourself clean; they were not smelly and for all the stains, they had been washed regally.   The utility belt was the only thing you had ever outright owned; it had been pilfered years ago whilst in your first master’s service, during a trade deal gone sour.  You wanted to ask for that back; but a life time of self-taught survival instincts told you not to even try.  From the immaculate uniform and army, it was easy enough to realise that dirty was more than an insult to him.  It was repulsive, something he would not willingly tolerate around him; and whilst you were around him, you were away from the Yuuzhan Vong. 

“Ren seemed as confused as you are by nudity, and one or two of the other men found your clothing; distracting.  Perhaps it would be better for all if you wore these instead.”

A pile of clothing was a placed onto the mattress, a pair of stiff and weighted black boots added.  General Hux assuring you he would wait outside, whilst you dressed.  The clothing was all plain boring grey, and far more covering than anything the Yuuzhan Vong had previously given you to fabricate clothing from.  Consisting of undergarments and a heavier made tunic and trousers.  It was difficult to fasten around you, though you struggled to do so.  The tunic neck line high, and too restrictive when you moved; and far too hot.  The boots pinched your toes, and felt like small weights on your feet.  If you had worn closed shoes before, it had been long before you could remember ever having done so.

“Are you done yet?”

You were.  Yelling that you were coming, as you awkwardly stepped out to join the waiting General Hux. You knew that your walk was funny, but he didn’t have to be so open about it.  There was obvious amusement in the Generals eyes, the same pinched attempt to hide his smile from you, as when you had used all of Kylo Ren’s titles.

You sat suddenly onto the floor, swearing in the language of the Yuuzhan Vong as you did.  Roughly pulling off the boots and throwing them onto the metal passageways, but keeping on the warm socks.  They were so restrictive, and the soles too rigid to bend the arch of your foot properly. They were damned uncomfortable too; why would you want to be laughed at for wearing them too. 

“If they’re that bloody easy to wear, you put them on!”

General Hux’s eyes narrowed, and you were under no illusions that you had done wrong.  Crawling on your hands and knees; you picked up both boots, slotting them back over the socks.  Mumbling an apology, you stood and looked side wards along the passageway, pleased that no one had seen the exchange.  It seemed suddenly very wrong of you to have behaved so rudely when the man had been trying to make sure you were better presented.  The clothing was too similar to that of the First Order’s officers, not to have come from their supply cupboards; but he had meant it as a gift to you.  Lacking any rank or squadron insignia, it was something he could leave behind for you when he was gone.  You of all people should have known to behave more gratefully for him noticing something as little as that you needed new clothing; your masters would not have been so generous.  It was just you and the General, taking a deep breath, you wiped the palms of your hands over your hips, taking a deep breath for a more appropriate apology.

“That was rude of me.  I am very sorry General Hux; thank you for the clothes.”

If he was pleased there was no real indication, just a nod of acceptance as he thanked you.  You felt like a naughty child, who had been put into place by her parents.  Although nothing more was said on the subject, you knew he was still offended by your callous little paddy; and it didn’t feel good at all.  Turning on his heels, in a little pirouette so similar to Ren’s that you were beginning to realise was indicative of the First Order.  Hands clasped behind his back, he marched down the corridor.  Stopping at the bend, when he realised you had not followed.  A perfectly placed ginger coif turning over his shoulder, to look expectantly down it at you.

“Are you coming?”

You didn’t need to be asked twice, you wanted out of this claustrophobic box.  Trotting behind him, you followed him around the bend in the passageway; passing a couple more closed doors, until you met with its end and a ladder General Hux started to scale.  Standing atop of the opening whilst you climbed after him, offering you a hand at the end, to stand. 

The next corridor was still narrow but wider than before.  Meaning you passed one or two First Order personnel; each flattering his or herself to the wall, to allow General Hux to pass easily.  Waiting until you had passed too, before the carried on with their business.  The redhead led you quickly back into the room you had been ordered to eat in. 

“Wait here.”

General Hux left you stood on your own.  The female officer stood over the same table you had eaten at. Though this time over a holographical picture, showing in miniature, the tops of the verdant greenery you usually stood under.  The image was vast, dusted in a pretty blue glow, that showed ghostly out lines of the village buildings in your clearing and the dotted nearby ruins.  You had seen maps before, but not on this level of detail and intricacy, and stepped closer to look at it.  Amongst the village huts, you could even see small figures moving in and out of the clearings.  It was a work of art, even showing the Chazrach pens, the Yuuzhan Vong kept as battle slaves.     

“I distinctly remember telling you to wait over there.”

You jumped at the murmured voice in your ear, recognising the posh accent instantly.  Your back hitting against the broad chest of the man behind you.  He was taller than you had realised, and for all these was less mass on his pectorals than Kylo Ren, it was not entirely without attraction.  He didn’t smell at all like you had expected a male to smell.  There was no blood or sweat; just a clean-cut scent of soap and leather, coupled with a wash of mint when he breathed out.  You could feel the tickle of his breath on your ear, this was literally the closest you had been to a man since you had reached puberty.  The Yuuzhan Vong ritually sacrificed their adolescent male slaves yearly.  So, it was not like you often saw an adult male, let alone stood this close to them.  That you had survived under the Yuuzhan Vong long enough to reach adulthood was amazing.  That you had lasted a few years after was a bonus, one that you only had your translation skills to thank for.

“Well are you going to move?” 

You hadn’t realised that you had pressed your back firmer against his, until his comment made you realise that perhaps you had stood too near and definitely too long without a reply.  Turning to face the neatly stood General Hux, your face burnt with embarrassment.  Turning your cheeks into a raspberry pink, as you apologised again to him.  Stepping back from him, whilst his brow raised at you in question at your red-faced antics. 

Thank fully he was not Kylo Ren, and so could not read your mind; or process the innocent heat that made your lips tingle as eyes wide you stood waiting for a punishment.  This was twice within a single hour that you disappointed him; and it was only getting harder each time you messed up.  Whilst the First Order was tough on you all, it wasn’t like they wanted to beat you, or to graft any of your organs onto them.  They might have been cruel at times to the other slaves; but to you, these were the good guys.

“Are you not hungry?”

You hadn’t paid much attention to what he was carrying.  Both hands full; one grasping a beaker of liquid; the other balancing a bowl of steaming mush atop of his out stretched palm.  It was not uncommon for you to see food, of course your masters ate; sometimes they would throw scraps to watch the younger slaves fight over them.  But it was more than presumptuous for you to assume any food was for you, no matter how plain it was.  Slaves served their masters and ate left overs and what they could catch themselves; free men did not bring them food.

You were starving.  Your only meal yesterday had ended so badly, that hungry as you were; you did not want to risk a repeat of it.  Food was important, but the meal he carried could be just as toxic to you as the last one.  Restless anxiety was bubbling up inside you, gnawing at your stomach in competition with the hunger.

“It won’t harm you, not like yesterday.  The toxin was in the water, meant for Kylo Ren and not you.  Now Commander Ren is furious with their attempts to harm him.  They have crudely, but effectively declared war on the First Order.”    

The plate was put on the edge of the table, and you realised that even though you were not supposed to have left your designated spot, nobody seemed annoyed.  Quite to the contrary General Hux beckoning you forwards with a flick of his wrist, gesturing you to sit in the seat in front of the food.  You knew the Senflax had a sedative effect; the Yuuzhan Vong used it on the slaves whilst they cut them open for their organs; it was petrifying to watch; but you had seen it.  The men would be conscious, aware that they were dying.  Unable to move or cry out for help; the terror had been there still in their hazy understanding; their eyes wide, as each organ was harvested.  The last ones always being the ones needed to keep them alive.

“The Senflax plant, has anyone ever disclosed to you where Yuuzhan Vong’s supply comes from?”

Whatever the First Order wanted with the plant, you had no idea.  It was a useful drug; numbing all pain it of course had the possibility to be used for good, put you had only seen it be used for evil.  Purposes far beyond wicked, or plain murder.  Now General Hux wanted you to disclose if you knew where the supply was kept.  There were three males about to reach puberty, two Chiss and a Wookie, both of which would be gone by the end of the year.  Smiling the stirrings of a plan came to mind; just how powerful were the First Order?  General Hux had told you that the First Order was ready to go to war with them at the attempt to poison Commander Ren.  Perhaps a deal could be done to save them, and get them away from the Yuuzhan Vong.  How badly did General Hux want the Senflax.

You nodded; keeping your gaze on General Hux; trying to ignore the bowl of food on the table below you.  The wafting smell of oatmeal reminding you of other times, times when you had had kinder Masters, on better planets.  You had already guessed the General was a rigid man.  Someone with an ingrained sense of duty.  Perhaps you could appeal to that, perhaps he would then understand your sense of duty to the slaves?      

“Yes, I have seen the supplies.”

The grey clad officer, and General Hux exchanged glances over your head.  Him giving a small nod to her tilted head, as he reminded you to eat before your food got cold.  Both of them silently looking over the map, as you dug the metal spoon into your food.  Trying to make each scoop of the utensil into the sweet mush slow and leisurely.  Ignoring your stomach’s suggestion that it would be better to put the bowl to your lips and quickly drink it down before someone could take it off you.  To have two full meals offered in two days was a luxury you could only dream of.

“Do you know how to get to them.”

Your mouth was full, but you nodded to show willingness.  Frowning as you lifted the beaker to sniff at the thick liquid, taking an experimental sip.  Tasting the liquid, before you took two large gulps of it; clearing your mouth.

“Yes, we all do.  I have been taken to translate and as children we were used to get into the places too small for the Yuuzhan Vong to fit.”

General Hux frowned at this, and you swallowed the current mouthful of porridge.  Scalding your tongue in an effort to clear your mouth ready for further questions, or in case you needed to eat quicker.  He held a datapad in one hand, and with the other he made a loose fist; pressing the predominant knuckle of his forefinger into his lips.  Asking you for a better clarification of what you meant.  Multitasking whilst he spoke by typing into data pad balanced on the table.

“The plant grows around some ruins, the Yuuzhan Vong think its haunted or something.  But sometimes visitors ask to be shown to it, or trade for items we find in the lower rooms.”

The Generals eyes seemed to light up at this fact and swiftly you shovelled the last few spoonful’s into your mouth.  Careful to drink the rest of the beaker quickly, but as with the porridge; not wanting to look like the filthy slave you knew he saw when he looked at you.  Unsure why it was so important that the man had a good opinion of you, given you were just a slave. 

“Can you read a map? Are you able to point to it on the display?”

You were swallowing the last mouthful as he asked you, and again nodded.  Adding a ‘yes General Hux’ when his head tilted in an undeniable warning to you.  Maps you could do, anything with diagrams and pictures you could manage; it was just letters you couldn’t read.  The written word, was like a new language; sadly, one you couldn’t hear, to be able to learn to speak it.  Standing you looked over the map, humming as you worked out which huts you the village left by.  Plotting through a few other landmarks, until you reached the approximate location of the ruins.

“Here I think General Hux, I could be slightly off; but it’s somewhere around here.”     

“Are you sure?”

You nodded again.  Not as an answer, but because you were so sure in your location that your entire body seemed to want to express it.  He had asked you a question, and you had known the answer; and that felt good to you.

“Yes General Hux.  As sure as I can be; without being there.”

“Good girl, thank you.”

If pleasing him by knowing the answer was good; hearing him praise you was even better and you blushed again.  Heart thundering in time with the extra whoosh of blood to your face.  Unsure why you kept doing it around him, but pleased with the small smile he gave you in recognition and the lilt to his grey-blue eyes.  He was older than you, but handsome all the same you decided; especially when he smiled at you.

When he returned to look back at the Officer watching him over the table, his face was once more back to business.  Stoic and authoritative as he typed one last thing into the holopad, before setting it aside permanently.  The woman almost vibrating with readiness for something, and a bad feeling uncurling in the pit of your stomach.  At first you thought when she looked over at you, her intent may have been to harm you.  She was watching you so keenly that you knew there was something a foot.

“Contact the Finalizer; inform Mitaka we have what we need in place; tell him to bring the Ventral Cannons online.”

You had no idea what the Finalizer was, but its name suggested its purpose was defined in its name.  You expected the woman to leave the room, or to speak; not for a colossal ship to slowly come into focus over the village.

“Is that the Finalizer?”

General Hux looked over at you, but didn’t answer; too busy with the data pad that he had not discarded.  Not that you needed his reply to be able to work out it was the ship.  Massive with gun turrets, it had been built only for one purpose; war.  It slid into place over the village, dwarfing it like some leviathan poised ready to attack.  You were illiterate, but not an idiot; you knew full well what a cannon was.  That they needed to specify a type, just suggested it was bigger and nastier than a normal cannon.

“Ventral Cannons online Sir, Officer Mitaka standing by ready.”

Standing by ready over your village you guessed.  The Yuuzhan Vong and their mindless Chazrach, but you did the handful of other slaves; he couldn’t do this.  You had to do something!

Springing into action, you launched yourself uselessly over the table to plead with him. Begging him to wait, to somehow get the children out first. Ignored completely when he gave the succinct order to “Fire!’ that had you screaming no at him.  The woman relaying that order by typing a command code into a box that had appeared over the map.  General Hux adding one of his own, into an identical box over his portion of the map.

You were not a fighter, but as the holo image below you exploded into a cloud of broken trees and earth; you launched yourself at the General.  His years of training, making it an easy thing for him to tackle you to the floor and pin you in place. 

“You bastards, there were children in those huts; defenceless children and you killed them!”

You were not about to stay still for the man, uselessly fighting his hold on you.  Trying to at the very least to do something to hurt him, then much to the shock of the female Officer spitting into his face when that was the only option left to you.  There were angry tears prickling your eyes, and unashamed you let them fall.  To do anything less than weep at their passing would have been an insult to them.  The guilt at what you had inadvertently done, cut deep into you; until you were numb with it.  Eventually General Hux got off you, but you just lay there curled onto your side sobbing.  It was not your masters that you wept for, even their offspring deserved to die; but the slaves had been innocents; they had not deserved to die.

Above you on the table, you could hear a muted version of the deafening explosion tearing up your village; your home.  There had been some safety in the wooden walls, and supplies that had made it possible to survive the jungle.  Now you were alone, and given what you had done, perhaps it was poetic that you died a slow death. 

“Sir, shall I have troopers remove her?”

The officer spoke about you, you were the only ‘ _her_ ’ here.  Above you General Hux looked down, red faced from the effort of holding you, smoothing his hair back into place.  Pulling it back from over a scratched cheek bone.  A moment ago, you had thought those cheeks so handsome, and now you could do was narrow your eyes in hate at them.

“No officer, leave us; report to me when Commander Ren arrives back to the camp.”

She left, and the booted foot landing next to your head made you jump.  Limply laying there, you expected the next one to be against your skin.  Stiffening as he instead crouched down, and tried pulling your prone body into standing.  Making sure your legs went lip, so that he couldn’t make you stand.  When that failed, he sighed; instead sitting himself on the floor dragging your protesting body over his lap.

“Get off me!”

The order sounded childish and winey even to you.  But you didn’t want the murder touching you, no matter how churlish you sounded; slithering from his grasp like a tree snake.  Flopping into a position that only made it easier for him to wrap his arms around your waist and lift you into his lap.

“You do realise I have shot my men, for less that you have done today?”

You were not one of his men, nor had putting his uniform on signalled any alliance with him.  You didn’t care about his threat, and he could shoot you for all you cared.  It would have been pleasant to join the others, but you knew that he wouldn’t.  He couldn’t trust that he didn’t need you to help him find the ruins and subsequently the Senflax plant. 

Still sobbing, you sat in his lap; wiping your snotty tears on the corner of the tunic he had gifted you with in protest.  You knew he valued cleanliness, and had half a mind to use his instead. 

“The Yuuzhan Vong, they were not kind masters to you, you knew they had to die; this is what happens in war.  Why does that upset you?”

One of his arms tightened around your waist as you struggled at his absurd notion that you were sad about them.  Whilst the other one stroked at your hair and your face, General Hux rocking you as you cried.

“I couldn’t give a shit about those monsters, but there were innocents there too; the other slaves didn’t deserve to die.”

He tutted at you, and then the man actually had the audacity to chuckle at you.  Pressing his mouth against your hair as he spoke, to tell you to stop struggling.  Waiting until you tired yourself out and lay lax in his arms.  No longer able to summon the energy to fight, or the words to keep demanding that he let you go.  Taking one large sad sigh as you flopped loosely into the small cage his shoulders and chest made.

“Now that you are calm we can discuss it.  Why would you think the other slaves are still in the village?” 

“They aren’t; but where else would they be?”

Your voice was quiet; timid with hope.  He seemed so reasonable in his tone, that you dared to believe that this could have been a mistake.  That somehow you were in the wrong, and had misunderstood him.  Twisting your neck you swiped your nose, tilting back at him.

There was more than just a scratch; his cheek would bruise.  Your head hurt and your throat was raw and croaky as you asked if they were alive.  Watching as his blue eyes darkened to an almost stormy, windswept green.  He nodded, brushing a leather coated thumb pad under each eye; brushing away the tears.  Then as the realisation and relief set into you, he allowed you to turn in his arms.  Tensing at first and then relaxing as you wrapped your arms around his neck.  Burying your face into the seam where it met his shoulder and thanked him.  Falling heavier against him as stiff arms held you to him and from somewhere you found more tears to cry. 

 

      


	3. Your eyes, have become nostalgias muse

Not all the slaves were safe.  Though you were given to understand that General Hux had offered all of them a chance to escape, not everyone had accepted or understood the offer.  It had been your description of the ruins that had saved them, and not the Generals generosity.  To access the Senflax plant, he had only needed one guide; you.

Kylo Ren had been intrigued by your description of the ghosts in the ruins.  Both himself and General Hux had known instantly that the haunted ruins the Yuuzhan Vong grew and processed the Senflax in was an old Jedi Temple.  You were too young, and too sheltered from the core words to understand the term Jedi as anything more than a story told to keep childish nightmares away.  So to learn they were real, was astounding to you.  Almost as much as the speed at which they had insisted you show the Commander to it.

A journey that would normally take you days on foot, had taken less than a full standard cycle. The iron monolith General Hux had directed the offensive against your village from, handled the uneven jungle terrain with unrivalled ease.  It had covered the clicks to the broken pile of Senflax and rubble far quicker than the meandering path you would have needed to take and it had not needed to stop for further supplies.  The massive metal giant crushing the giant trees and thick under growth under foot, to create a makeshift landing platform for the supply shuttles that also ferried off the temple’s artefacts to the waiting star cruiser.  Patrols were set up, to guard the encampment, the AT-M6 standing as sentinel in the middle of it; and moving the surplus debris of greenery.  The enormous front paws easily clearing all and any terrain that tried to put up a resistance to the First Order. 

You had learnt that they called it an At-M6, from purposefully listening into the conversations between the General and his Stormtroopers.  Learning from day two aboard the all-terrain walker, that it was capable of far more than you had seen it put to work doing.  The General had almost sensed your interest and explained some of its capabilities to you.  Declining to show you it in action, but telling you that there was plenty enough fire power in the twin cannons and combined lasers, to have negated the need for the Star Destroyer.  That he could had, if he had chosen wiped the village out himself from aboard it.  But instead he had needed the explosion to be well documented by the Yuuzhan Vong’s neighbours.  He had needed the nearby villages and settlements to bear witness to what happened when you betrayed the First Order.     

Now you were expected to lead the translations, not between the Yuuzhan Vong and the First Order; but between the slaves and General Hux.  Explaining to the other slaves that he had organised for their freedom.  They owed it to the First Order, to repay that loyalty and he would further reward hard work.  In exchange for assistance clearing out the ruined temple, he would see to it they were delivered to a nearby space port.    

Not that there had been many of you left, not all had come, some had been too afraid or too stupid to leave the safety of the Hut.  The Yuuzhan Vong had kept many of you, preferring a larger crop for the religious ceremonies; but when the last stragglers had joined you in the safety of the AT-M6; it was heart breaking to see so few left alive.  There had been less than fifteen of them to leave and you were not just the only adult, but the only true human left too.  But of those of you who were left, everyone agreed that it was best to accept General Hux’s offer of work.  Cadannia’s jungles were both vast and dangerous.  There was a host of night time predators who would have made short work of the defenceless slaves. 

It was warm, even by Cadannia standards, and the monsoon last night had not helped with the humidity.  It had been late and you had been drenched through, by the time you had made it back to the AT-M6 and The General had insisted that you strip off your wet clothing whilst he was gone.  Returning with an old undershirt of his to wear to sleep in, and a folded chair; you had quickly pulled it on from under the covers.  Able to sit up, keeping your legs under the blanket as you crossed them, and accept the proffered soldier’s ration of hot meat based soup and crackers.

“You need to eat it all.”

General Hux bent to place the tray atop of your folded legs.  He refused at first to let go of it, raising a brow and refusing to let go of it until you balanced it with your left hand and thanked him. Unfolding the chair, he balanced your wet uniform on it.  Neatly folding everything, to better arrange the cloth garments, fussing with your belongings whilst you did your best to eat.

You had already had one meal today, and your body was unused to the amount of food.  Having eaten all the crackers, and most of the soup; you were breathless.  Panting with the effort to clear your plate, aware there was also a pudding, and some rehydrated fruit on the plate alongside the already too large portion of food.  You felt uncomfortably full as you drained the last of the soup, taking a deep breath to steady yourself, feeling queasy at the thought of eating more.

“Not all at once!”

His sudden barked order scared you.  Making you jump so hard, that the tray rattled and the empty soup beaker toppled over, knocking drops of the water from the beaker on to it.  Horrified you looked up at the man who had shouted, frightened to have upset him; you had seen what his anger did to others.

“If the food makes you sick, spread it out into smaller meals.  It is my intention to give your body the nutrients it really needs, not to make you ill.”

He had sat on the end of your bed to deliver that speech.  Lower both the volume and tone, to a similar level as you would have used on the children.  Softening his features, so that you understood better his intentions.       

“Thank you. Sir.”

You had taken a gamble at using the same term, you had noticed that his men did; to reply to one of his questions, or accept an order from him.  Hoping that it was acceptable, and he took it in the way you had intended; as a thank you, for the concern he was showing you. 

“Sir? Are you one of my soldiers (y/n)?”

Your eyes widened at the use of your actual name, rather than your title as slave.  You couldn’t even remember giving him your name when the Yuuzhan Vong had sent you to the First Order.  It warmed you somehow, in a way you couldn’t explain to yourself, to hear that he had not only learnt of it; but chosen to remember it.  Now was he offering you a place, or teasing you?  You weren’t wholly sure, but there seemed to be jest there, you hoped that you could see it in his eyes.  A slight warming, to the usually cold impassive glare, that waited for you.  Watching you, as you took a sip of your water and shook your head.  Patiently waiting until you had put it down, and given him a verbal yes in answer.  Ensuring you used the moniker of sir again in what you hoped was taken as a return of his teasing.

“And would you like to be one of my soldiers?”

You thought about it for a moment or two, twisting your mouth in thought.  His soldiers were better looked after than you had ever been as a slave.  Fed a regular diet, clothed, and housed better than you were; it wouldn’t be a bad life.  It wouldn’t be an ideal one either; you had cowered watching one of the Stormtroopers standing to shoot one of the large flesh-eating lizards.  No, you were not brave enough to be a soldier.  You shook your head, speaking the last inadequacy that would stop you from being any good in his army.

“I think it is a requirement for your soldiers to be able to read.”

Your face had coloured, to match the shame you felt internally at having to remind him again why you were inferior.  Confused then, as to why he would tease you already knowing the answer.

“No General Hux, I don’t think I would like to be a soldier.”

“Good.”

You looked up at him, eyes wide at the finality in his one word.  There was a touch of relief, but also a touch of insult for you in his reply.  Did General Hux, not think you good enough for his First Order, or was he pleased that you had decided you couldn’t cope as a soldier.  Suddenly the contents of your tray became very interesting, and peeling back the lid of the pudding carton, you stabbed the spoon into it.

“It was not meant to offend; you would be more than capable.”

He had taken hold of your wrist.  Long, slender, leather coated fingers encircling your wrist; to prevent you from any more agitating of the spoon.  Leaning forward across the tray, the index finger of his other hand, tilting your chin up.

“Honestly (y/n) it is not that I think you are in any way unintelligent.  You already have plenty of talents, the ability to fight does not need to be added to your resume.”

You nodded, accepting the sincerity in his voice.  Aware that if there had been any mistakes made this evening; it had been you misunderstanding him.  He seemed to understand you perfectly.  Ironic then, that you were the translator. 

“I am sorry General Hux, I think I am just tired.”

As though in sympathy to your lie, you gave a sudden and unexpected yawn.  The General narrowing his eyes at you, almost as though he would test that sentence for its honesty.  Your body suddenly feeling the day’s weariness and accepting reluctantly, what may have been your subconscious baring of the truth.  Almost as though realising with you, he chose a compromise; lifting up the tray from your lap.  Standing to place it atop of a thin shelf, above your head.

“The food will be there in the night if you wake, for now if you are tired, sleep.”

He was lifting the blankets.  Giving you a little smile of encouragement as he motioned for you to lay back flat onto the bed.  Settling yourself under it, you dug around the pillow to find a comfy spot.  Yawning again before you were done; and wishing him a good night.  Unexpectedly receiving one back, as he paused at the door.       

The morning came around quicker than you had realised, and scared that he would discover then uneaten food, you scarfed it down quickly.  Finding that for the first time in forever, your stomach gave a rumble in the hope there would be more. 

There was, the female officer dropping it off, as you were midway through returning from the shared fresher unit.  Scowling as she took in your makeshift night wear, though her voice was civil and perfunctory when she gave you her orders. 

“The General expects you ready in thirty minutes.”

You didn’t think you had done anything to upset her, and she had been perfectly civil to you yesterday.  Almost pally at times when you had translated a question for her to the slaves.  It must have been your clothing, you decided as she shot one last disapproving look.  Turning on her heels to leave you to eat and dress in peace.

You dressed first; not wanting to offend anyone else by being underdressed.  Ignoring the wafting smells of the sweetened oatmeal, to pull of the undershirt and on your compression top and underwear. 

Human clothing had been so rare under the Yuuzhan Vong, that it was almost optional.  The ragged shapeless shift, you had once called a dress had shown more flesh than the General’s undershirt. So really you couldn’t understand what all the fuss had been about.  But you were not about to upset anyone else.  Especially not when free meals and a safe place to sleep would be on the line.  Quickly you pulled on the trousers and tunic; frowning when you came to the socks.

For some reason, they had slipped from the chair and landed in the puddle of water under it.  Whilst your other clothes were still damp, these were sopping wet through and unlike the outer garments would not dry out in the waterproof boots. 

Your feet were already tender from wearing the boots all day yesterday; but you didn’t want to disappoint General Hux, especially when he was already being so kind to you.  Your top lip curling into a scowl, you decided against the socks; pulling on the high-top boots.  The wet wool made you cringe to touch it, and was slightly smelly.  Instead you put the socks a top of your chair, and placed it back behind the door where General Hux had retrieved it from.

Breakfast was a quick affair, and afterwards you smoothed your hair down with a comb.  Pulling quickly and mercilessly at the night time tangles before tucking it behind your ears and waiting.    

General Hux was not long to arrive, and you were glad then that you had eaten quickly.  Greeting him with a good morning before bounding to the open door way.

“A minute (y/n)”

You paused.  Afraid that you had done something wrong in trying to appear willing to please him.  Tilting your head to follow his footsteps, whilst the General moved to stand behind you.

“Look forwards”

You did, relaxing the tension in your shoulders when he brushed his fingers through your hair.  It was better than being loose, you decided.  Liking already the way it felt off your neck, almost as much as having someone rub at your scalp.  Teasing it back by carding it through his hands into one high pony tail.  Twisting it and expertly pinning it into place in a perfect bun; securing it with a piece of elastic.

“There, now you look less like someone pretending to be a translator”

You supposed he was right, though you were a little offended that he again found fault with your appearance.  You resolved that it would be the last.  You may be pretending to be a free worker, but you were not pretending to be a translator; you were their translator.  There was a clipped order to follow, and you did.  Trying to imitate the preside steps he took as you followed him and the waiting officer to the designated work areas.

Keeping the slaves had been beneficial to General Hux.  Already each had proven their worth tenfold.  Everyone working harder under their First Order overseers, then they had the Yuuzhan Vong.  Whilst fear had always been a great motivator for you slaves; it was easier to work harder on a full stomach and rest.  All of you too unused to such luxuries as basic food and water, to want to jeopardise angering the suppliers.  Pushing yourselves harder under the humid green canopies, that although protected you from the harmful Cadannia sun’s rays, did not prevent the already rising heat from hitting you.

By midday the heat was at its worst, and the General had called a water break for his men.  Ordering you to translate to those in the ruins that they were to come and partake of the water.  Dehydration would only reduce productivity and hinder the estimated completion time. 

“You too, (y/n)”

You nodded at the General, following up the last group of workers.  Moving slowly not just because they deserved the water more than you, because of all their harder and physically more demanding work.  But because the heat made your feet sweat and already your boots were rubbing.  You wanted to take them off, and just work bare footed, or in the simple leather footwraps you were used to.  But his snub of your hair, was already one too many.  It was only a few more hours, you’d had worse pain before.  They stung, and they were not about to get better, but you found that by walking oddly it helped.  Tilting the soles of your feet, using the sides of your blistered feet rather than the soles. 

The water was more than welcome, as was the break.  General Hux insisted that you translate to the workers that they were to take a small break.  Most could speak enough basic, to already understand the break General Hux had graciously given them.  But the Wookie did not, and neither did one or two of the other non-human species.  You translated into Yuuzhan Vong, stressing to the Wookie who had wanted to keep working, that the break was not optional. 

Physically he was much more capable than any of you in this climate.  Whilst you did agree with him, that working longer was more productive; the other juvenile workers were working flat out.  They were tired already, and you were not about to relay to the General the Wookie’s request that he would forego the break.

“Tell him I will keep working with him.”

The modulated voice of Kylo Ren cut through your argument, making you jump.  Your brows raised, but your translated to the Wookie Kylo Ren’s offer to work alongside him.  Adding to Kylo Ren a polite reminder that he did not speak Basic.  Now feeling grumpy that you were duty bound to the adolescent Wookie to go and translate for him.

“There will be no need, go drink some water.  Before General Hux calls you over again.”          

You didn’t have time to question how they would manage.  Already General Hux was looking your way, and he looked anything but patient.  His words earlier about looking more the part, reminding you that you did not want to let him down.  The food you had been given the last few days and the clothing, had been worth more than the Yuuzhan Vong would probably sell you for.  Kylo Ren and the Wookie had already disappeared off, so as not to keep the man waiting; you began to make your way over to him. 

You took the water canister from General Hux, and limped over to drink it.  All the more pleased, that you had worn the boots still despite the lack of socks, when his brow wrinkled watching you find somewhere to sit and rest your throbbing feet.

He was watching you intently, frowning as he watched you move.  You couldn’t remember doing anything wrong, and so it was difficult to come up with a reason for him staring, though you tired.  Concentrating too much on that and managing to trip over an exposed root and slip in some newly cut. wet greenery. 

There was no way of avoiding falling, and it was your pride that took a tumble; as much as your feet.  The water canister had managed to spill its contents all over you, and what was worse, was that judging from the way he hurried over to you; he had seen it too. 

Red faced you did your best to assess your injuries, and stand up before he got to you.  You hadn’t really done more than bruise yourself, and scrape the think skin off the blisters on your feet.  Really you thought as he asked after you; you really didn’t need him to fuss over you.  Especially when the female officer kept watching you, as though you were now an affront to her eyes.  You did try pushing General Hux away, but he was having none of your protests that you were okay; reaching to steady you as you brushed off the muck and forest debris. 

“What is wrong with your feet?”       

“Nothing.”

Stupidly, your mouth had gone dry at your lie.  You weren’t even sure why it classed as a lie.  Yes your feet were sore and blistered, but in the grand scheme of things, it was too unimportant to make a fuss of it to General Hux. 

“So why are you walking so awkwardly, that you fell over?”

You shrugged and tried to walk off, gritting your teeth as you found the steps more painful.  Heading back to refill the water canister, from the supply outside the AT-M6 all terrain walker. 

 “Sit!”

The command to sit, was almost a hiss; coupled with General Hux stabbing his finger downwards to back up his order.  You were near an upturned tree trunk, so you sat on it.  Avoiding looking at the General, and those around you; as he marched over to you. 

“Shoes off.”

This order was softer than the last, but you knew better than to argue back.  You didn’t want to upset the man who had offered you all free transport to an off world space port.  Bending over, you lifted your right ankle onto your left knee, gently easing the boot off your foot. 

The mess to your feet, was cosmetically worse than it was.  You had suffered far worse beatings at your old master’s hands than this.  But the narrowing of General Hux’s eyes, and the hiss he gave had you wondering if to him it looked worse.

“You stupid girl! did you not think to wear socks with heavy duty boots?”

Now your face really did colour red, and it pulsed more heat around it in a heavy rhythm, that matched the beating of your heart.  From somewhere, you managed to speak; though your voice was tiny, even by your own timid standards as you gave an explanation.

“I’ve never worn boots before.”

You wanted the ground to swallow you up whole, and take you away from the staring faces of his men.  Each of them trying to look nonchalant, as they watched him tell you off.

“You’ve warn shoes, you should know they rub when you sweat.”

You shook your head, still refusing to look at him, as he knelt and gently removed your other boot; winching again at your shredded foot.  Of course, you knew what boots and shoes were; but they had always been too good for the likes of you.  They were expensive, and took too long to make, instead when you wore a simple sandal; just some bark, and vine.  There were leather wraps, for if you needed to go into the jungle, but you could not ever remember a time when you had worn boots.   

“Sorry.”

The whispered apology, you hoped began to excuse your latest failure.  Not only were you not quite the part of a translator, but you were not sensible enough to have known to wear socks with your shoes.  When he cleared his throat, you at first thought it was to remind you to use his title and address him properly; until you noticed the others get quickly back to work.  Even the other slaves seemed to have noticed that it was better to look busy.  Everyone barring you and the female officer, leaving the shelter of the small gazebo set up for shelter. 

“Can you walk to the access hatch?”

The tone he used now was less abrasive than before.  Accepting a simple nod as an answer, before he walked over with you.  A clipped command for the female officer to assist you, had her shuffling alongside you, whilst General Hux marched off before you.  She was kind, and insisted on helping you over the rougher parts of the terrain, giving a sympathetic smile as she noticed your feet.  She seemed different to the officer who had scowled at you throughout the day, and you began to wonder if you had read her wrong.  Especially when she gently tapped you on the shoulder, before you climbed the ladder; gesturing with her head to step to one side.

She looked genuinely nervous, almost wringing her hands together as you stepped over to join her.

“I don’t want to come across as being a bitch, and I am not a gossip either.”

Her voice was quiet, and her brow wrinkled as though it pained her to speak.  Frowning you answered with a quiet okay, and waiting for her to continue.

“Look this has not come from me and even then you’re an adult; and you can make your own mistakes. But.”

She made another face, and this time she did clasp both hands together; making you worried that something was wrong; that you had done something wrong.  You thought back on the days, actions and the only thing you could come up with was the boots.  Nodding, you encouraged her to go on, so grateful for the heads up that you almost choked on your own saliva when she did.

“But He, that is General Hux.  Well he isn’t exactly single; there’s a physiatrist in the First Order; and she’s a bitch, I don’t want him taking advantage of you.  You can say no to him, and if you do I will make sure you’re okay whilst you work for us.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have chosen an odd way of naming the chapters, and I hope that whilst most are lifted from songs that a noticeable pattern will form and someone will get why them. If not I'll explain towards the end.


	4. Gentle protests, that turn into lies

The officer meant well, you realised that.  You were a master of reading people’s emotions by now.  But what confused you, was what she was warning of.  In the end you couldn’t help but laugh at her, and felt rude for doing so.  Explaining that she was completely barking in the wrong forest, let alone the wrong tree.  You didn’t add that you were not interested in providing those kind of services, and General Hux had not even hinted at needing them, let alone approaching you for them.  What you did add was that to General Hux, you probably didn’t feature as an approved adult for such shenanigans; you couldn’t even dress appropriately for the role he gave you. 

“Well maybe not from you, but he watches you when he thinks you’re not looking.  Not outright; he’s much too clever for that, but he always knows where you are.”

You shrugged.  What could you say?  The man was being kind to you and that was nice; nobody had ever looked out for you.  He probably made sure that you didn’t go missing, that you were near by when he needed you to translate something.  General Hux was a practical man, you could see why he wanted someone nearby for that. 

You were indicated to enter the iron giant, climbing into the access shaft via the ladder.  The General waiting for you at the top, his face an unreadable mask of indifference that still made you feel guilty.  Had he heard the officer warning you?  Whereas before, the simple act of him taking your hand to help you from the ladder had become common place; now you blushed at the idea that anyone else in the room might mistake your actions for something more.  You accepted his help, then quickly snatched your hand back from his leather grasp; noticing that he did not afford the officer the same assistance.  Instead he was watching you with a frown,  making you even more nervous as you waited for the officer to straighten herself out.   

“What were you discussing?”

You didn’t know how to answer this.  You were quite sure that what had been said was not gossip, and as misplaced as her understanding was; you didn’t want her to be accused of idle gossip.     

“I was offering to lend (y/n) another set of socks Sir.”

The excuse was plausible and welcome, though you were not sure that General Hux believed her.  Like a suspicious parent; he narrowed his eyes, you weren’t stupid he didn’t believe her.  She looked every bit the mirror of honesty, and although he switched his gaze between you both; you knew he considered you the weaker link.  Staring at you more than he did you.

“Very well Officer; dismissed.”

You watched her turn smartly on her heels and leave.  Your stomach oddly tied up in knots at the thought of lying to him.  It was not that you considered her sock-lie in any way a betrayal of her General, and the more you thought on it, the more you thought General Hux would be upset by her assumption.  It was only when she left, the General seemed to relax a little.  Not that you would notice from more than a small change to the set of his shoulder and a softening of his features.    

“I will permit you, your little deception under one condition.  Did she offer to hurt you, or suggest anything improper?”

“No General Hux. At least I don’t think so, nothing about the First Order, or your work.”

It seemed to be enough.  Giving a little hum, before he instructed you to follow.  Slowing down his marching pace, to allow you to keep pace; though he didn’t take into consideration that the grooved in the floor dug in.  The Officer was stupid, there was no way that General Hux was behaving in any way improper to you; he was still holding you responsible for the mess your feet were in.

“Sit.”

General Hux was a stiff man, one of few words to anyone, less so to you.  So as kind as he was to you, it was hard to imagine him letting go enough to enjoy anyone’s intimate company let alone someone as inferior as you.

“On the trolley, I am going to tend to your feet.”

His arm loosely swung towards a padded chair, and you began pulling yourself up onto it backwards.  The room smelt clean; antiseptic and metal; it was oddly nice.  Though perhaps another dig at how inappropriate it was for you to be in these surroundings.  You were not dirty, but living in a muddy forest; you couldn’t keep as pristinely clean as he was able to.  Nor had you had his education, not only were you dirty and illiterate; but you were too stupid to realise how to wear boots correctly.  It was all too much, and your throat tightened in painful warning of your feelings.  You were an embarrassment and inconvenience to him; the one man who had been kind to you.

“Hey.”

The gentleness in his tone, made it harder to keep your dignity and avoid crying.  He was close again, placing supplies at your left hip, and moving to stand in front of you; touching your face with the knuckles on the backs of one leather clad hands.  This time though you were prepared and less woozy from any drugs. He smelt as he had before; amazing. Still a clear mix of soap but you could recognise his perfume, the scents mixed with mint and a masculine sandalwood smell; clean and grown up.  Everything you were not.

“I’m sorry General.”

You didn’t quite get to add Hux to the sentence before your throat closed up.  You had meant to add that you were sorry for being stupid, for getting it so wrong; for being so stupid.

“Does it hurt that much; or is it your pride?”

You looked up at him, shocked to see a hint of amusement in the normally steely blue-grey eyes.  Your head dipped once, in an answer, one that answered both parts of his questions.  He was close, too close if anyone walked in; it would just give rise to more rumours.  Looking to the side you reached for the medical supplies.  Knowing it was rude and awfully presumptuous of you, but you needed to put distance between you both; for his sake if not yours.

“What does this do?”

You held up a metal canister.  Watching him blink slowly and turn to the supplies.  He had thankfully also stepped back to a more suitable distance, taking the tub from you. 

“Changing the subject? It is an antiseptic cream.  Aboard my ship it would not be necessary, but here in the jungle wounds fester easily, I would like to err on the side of caution with you.”

General Hux was far more perspective than he looked.  Was he privy to the gossip, or just perceptive enough to realise you were uncomfortable with him that close to you?  He was just being kind, you told yourself.  Furious with yourself for accepting the officer’s advice.  She meant well, but she had got it all wrong; your previous masters would have made it very clear to the First Order that you were available.  

After a quick but thorough cleansing of your feet, he spread the cream over them, adding a thick orange gel on top of that before wrapping your feet in bright white bandages. Now there was no way that your feet would fit into boots, socks or not.

Fastidious as always General Hux cleaned everything away after himself.  Tucking a smaller pot of the orange cream into a side pocket on the tunic.  He was done, and short of nothing to do, you followed him out of the side room, and back through to the main part of the all terrain walker. 

The table was of course empty, and the room too; though it was all very familiar to you by now.  He pressed a button on the table, and after a few clicks brought up what he explained was a learning programme used for First Order Stormtroopers.  Pressing another button which released a stylus pen from a hidden pocket on the table.

“Remain inside the walker.  I have not the time to babysit you, but this may be beneficial to you.”

He was gone before you could thank him, or ask him why he wanted you to watch it.  Perhaps it was his way of making sure you were not bored.  You could not imagine General Hux having any entertainment programmes on a First Order holo-drive.  In fact, you could not imagine him having anything that permitted him to have fun.  You knew there was a different side of him than the stiff upper lipped Imperial bred officer; you had seen glimpses of it when you got something so badly wrong that it amused him.  But it was so brief, that you wondered if he ever let go.  Everything about him was so neat and tidy; so clean and perfectly pristine.  Messy haired and dressed in stained rags, you could see why your appearance was such an affront to his eyes that he couldn’t stand to have you dressed like that.  But why was educating you worth his time, if you were all going to the nearby space port?      

Simply put, you supposed it was not really his time he was spending on your brief and useless education.  You tried your best, but it was so boring; and you had so many questions; none of which you could ask the narrator of the holo-vid.  If it was a training programme for adults, then it was highly condescending; though given your level of Aurebesh and High Galactic; it was perhaps appropriate.  Odd though that General Hux had started up a program on High Galactic first and not the Aurebesh module next to it.  You honestly had not intended to ignore the video; nor had you meant to leave the room General Hux had left you in.  Though in your defence you had not left the walker, you had just found yourself inside of the empty cockpit.

The view port painted everything inside and out in a deep red glare of tinted sunlight; but the view was something you had never seen before.  Yes, you had arrived on Cadannia through space.  But that journey had been made in the cramped cargo hold of your owner.  Never before had you realised how vast the world outside was.  You knew that Cadannia was big, but from under the tree canopy it looked so enclosed; here up above the thick vegetation; it was amazing how far the forest stretched.  It was beautiful, and whilst it made you feel so small; it was comforting to be a part of such a picturesque world.

“Hem!”

You startled at the sound suddenly behind your ear.  The cough clearly made to get your attention, made you realise that you probably were not supposed to be here.  Whilst General Hux had said to stay inside the walker; he had probably also meant the room he had left you in.  Now when you turned around, you knew he or someone else was about to chastise you for being here.

“Did my pilot give you permission to be alone in here?”

The clipped accent, certainly belonged to General Hux and you slowly turned your head back, ready to face the music.  This was the second time today alone that you had seriously let him down.  You were not doing well at all; no wonder he left you with a child’s education programme; he probably thought it fit your IQ level.  It certainly was appropriate for the sheer amount of scrapes, you managed to get yourself into. 

“No General Hux, Sir.  I should not be, here should I?”

The whole part was spoken with a wince; but only the last was spoken as a question.  You had disappointed him again. You should have known better, or at least played it safe and stayed put.  Now not only had he wasted valuable time on your medical care, kindly taking care of a stupid mistake and now he was having to chase you from what should probably be a secure part of his walker.

“Strictly speaking no.  But there should be a pilot to prevent you gaining access.”

There was something else besides annoyance in his voice, but you were not about to open that can of worms.  Not until ordered to by him at least.  Did his annoyance mean someone else was going to get the blame for this; or did it mean that he was letting you off your infarction.  Slowly, you began to relax your shoulders; letting go the tension you found there; to raise your head and take one last look out of the viewer. 

“Do you like the view?”

He was right behind you, and for some reason it made your heart thud louder in your ears.  You had not heard him take any more steps towards you; but you could feel the breath tickling your exposed neck.  His voice had softened.  Not just in tone, but in volume too; he was trying to be gentler with you, than he had with his abrupt discovery of your intrusion.  It took you a moment before you realised that you had not yet answered him.  Swallowing hard, you did so quickly; not wanting to offend him by appearing rude; on top of gate-crashing what should have been a secure room.

“Yes Sir. It is beautiful up here.”

“I have told before, it is not a requirement for you to call me sir; just my title.”

You nodded.  Almost replying with another yes sir, before you caught yourself in time; biting your cheek to stop yourself.  He leant over you, pushing at a button that seemed to affect the screen; turning it from a penetrable bright red screen to an opaque dull grey one.  You blushed at the press of his chest to your back; realising just how much taller than you he was.  Then deeper still when he told you to come with him.  His voice deepening to a husky command that had your entire body heating, triggering something in your core you couldn’t quite name; but made you want to curl your toes. 

When you eventually turned around, you had to wonder what all the fuss was with your body.  There was nothing about him, that suggested you should have had that reaction to his behaviour.  Just the set of his eyes softer, peering down at you, from under a perfectly slicked auburn coif of hair.  He still flustered you, though you quickly took control of yourself and followed him.  Reasoning that there was no need for you to act so bizarrely. 

“I want to show you something, come.”

You had expected him to need to lead you from the cockpit, to tell you off for your wandering; or at the very least just to put you somewhere else.  Not to lead you up a ladder to a small nook room higher than even the control room had been.  There was some sort of harness hung up on the wall; and he attached one to you, clipping you to a line; though chose to forego wearing one himself.  Another small ladder and there was a hatch; one that access the roof of the all-terrain walker.

General Hux went first, and this time you permitted the assistance he gave to help you onto the roof.  Forgetting the Officer’s warning; forgetting everything but the view. 

It wasn’t much higher up.  But whereas the view port in the cockpit was at level with the canopy lid, this was above it; and not tinted red.  Everything stood out, and you could follow the fight path of the birds and lizards as they passed from tree to tree.  So many were jewel coloured, ornately patterned in colours you had almost forgotten existed in the drab village, and green shadows of the trees.  Some you had never seen before, that you realised must only use the upper levels of the forest.  You stood and stared until your feet ached and you had to sit down on the steel plates.  Tucking your legs up, until you could rest your chin on them; and just stare at your surroundings. 

After a while, you remembered that you were not alone.  Turning to face the stiff man, who had used his precious time to indulge you in this glorious view, you patted the side of you.  Wordlessly encouraging him to sit on the iron monolith.

“Thank you, General.”

He was shoulder to shoulder with you, when you spoke those words.  Your simple thanks the best you could give for this treat, as you watched him through lowered eyelashes; not wanting him to realise you were staring.   Normally anything that he deemed an unproductive use his time, he seemed to think was a needless use of First Order resources and assets.  You guessed he classed himself under that umbrella term too, so for him to bring you up here; even after your trespassing was unprecedented for him.  In your brief couple of weeks history with him, he had not so much as lingered over a meal of cup of caff, and now he was sat intently watching you.  After a while you took a deep breath, allowing yourself to face him; to truly look at him.

He was older than you.  Both in years and experience; the crinkly lines around his eyes suggested he sometimes laughed; though the purple bags under his eyes suggested he rarely found rest.  His skin was pale, defined all the more next to your sun weathered skin.  His lips though were full and looked soft, pliable.  You had enough memories of human kinds, to vaguely remembering adults kissing, and now you wondered what it would feel like; if that curiosity, was what was drawing you to them.  A thin and almost perfectly arched eyebrow raised, and you found yourself paling.  Your cheeks developing small pink spots of panic on them; wondering if you had been less that subtle; if he like Kylo Ren could read your thoughts.

The result was to make you draw back, shuffling to put more distance between you both and making his questionable look turn into a frown. 

“Credit for them.”

Now you really looked confused; needing him to explain the commonly used phase; a credit for your thoughts.

“Will I get two if I am totally honest?”

That could be misconstrued as flirting, you quickly realised.  Doing your best not to splutter and explain yourself.  If you had protested that you were not flirting, would he then think you were protesting too much?  Would your suggestion that you were not flirting, make him think you were lying.  It was all too much, too confusing, and what was worse was there was a niggling feeling that perhaps you wanted him to think you were flirting.

“I would expect you always to be completely honest; I have not the time for misdirection and liars.”

You took a deep breath, preparing yourself not to be listed under either of those categories.  You had no wish to offend him, not because you would make him cross; but because you wanted him to be pleased with you.  Criticism and obnoxious disapproval you had had in plenty in your short life; for once you wanted praise from somewhere.    

You began at the beginning.  Explaining that you had been warned off, but not by who; suggesting instead there had been many sources.  Then thanking him for showing you this view, probably going into more detail than he needed; but painfully aware that he had said you should be completely honest.  Adding that in your defence if you were acting inappropriately; you had no idea.  You had never kissed a man, let alone had gossip suggest you were perhaps being more intimate that appropriate to others.  He looked shocked, possibly affronted at your lengthy explanation, and you hurried to appease him; offering him a simple compliment.   

“You have nice hair though; it’s a very unusual colour.”

“I am much too old to be your first kiss.”

You were not anticipating him to be that to be the one thing he took from all of your lengthy explanation.  Nor did you expect the empty churning in your stomach in response to it.  You had never asked him or anyone else, to kiss you.  It had just been an expression of your thoughts; you were just using it to explain your naivety.  The bit about his hair had just been to appease him, none of this was supposed to leave you feeling rejected and close to tears.  You had not expected anything from it, so this was odd and scary.  Suddenly you wanted to be alone; to be far away from him and on your own.  You wanted back your old rags and the anonymity of the Yuuzhan Vong; to be put back in the mud and stick huts you belonged in.

“I need to.” 

You didn’t know what you needed to do, but you stood so quickly that you tripped over yourself.  Almost falling flat onto your face, until he caught you, holding onto you to make sure you were safe.

You brushed aside his help, you didn’t need it, you were not useless.  Nor did you need his patronising protests.  Clearly being totally honest with him was a mistake, you wished you had lied about what you were thinking about; or at least kept the talk to the scenery.   

“Sweetheart, it’s not meant to offend you.”

“I didn’t ask you for anything, let alone to kiss me; what makes you think I would want you to.”

Your hissed reply was shocking, even to you in its vehemence.  You were angry, and grateful that up here, he was the only one who could see your shame; that could see how upset you were.

“Don’t be so childish (y/n) come back here.”

You ignored him climbing back inside the access hatch.  Struggling to unclip the harness, until he tried again to interfere with your attempts.  Again you pushed aside is assistance; you were not a child, and you would not have him treat you like it.  The safety wire was simple to disengage and so you kept on the harness; stomping back to your cell room and ignoring the thudding boot steps and the yelled commands to stop.  You had barely managed to close your door, before he was struggling against your efforts, and trying instead to push it open. 

It was an easy contest for the larger male to push it open and enter the room.  Nostrils flaring, for all he looked otherwise in control.  Strong, nimble fingers dug into your upper arm, pulling you to face him.  His face pushed aggressively into yours as he hissed at you.

“When I give you an order young lady, you obey.  If I say come back, you come back to me. Understood?”

Your stomach was turning to water, the fear bubbling with understanding; you had made him look a fool in front of his men.  He was far angrier than he was about to let the passing stormtroopers know, but livid was not about to cut what he felt for you right now.  All of today had been a huge mistake, and you wished that you could go back and start again.  You would put on the wet socks, and put up with the uncomfortableness; anything if it would stop him being cross at you.     

“I’m sorry.”  

“Are you, or are you sorry you need to be taught a lesson?”

You could not believe his audacity, or his cruelness; even the Yuuzhan Vong would not have punished you from walking away from that.  You should not have walked away, but he never should have put you in such a position. 

“More lessons? I think I am a little too old for parental guidance; don’t you?”

You were out of control, you realised that.  Perhaps it would have been better to apologise again and beg for forgiveness; but you were hurt, and he was being unfair. 

“Not if you are going to behave like a brat, come here.”

He had pulled you over to the shelf, sitting himself down on it.  You were pulling against his grip on you, and so the crack of one hand against your ass came as a complete shock.  It stung, and brought tears to your eyes.  Another, and you stopped struggling and tried blinking to clear the gathering moisture.  He had taken advantage of your shock to pull you over his lap, administering further stinging slaps to your already tender bottom, alternating between either buttock.   

By the time he had finished, tears freely fell; though you were still mad; if not worse so that you were to begin with.  His punishment was not just painful, there was a sense of humiliation in it; and he had accounted for that when he had begun it.  The door was open, and you knew the sounds were carrying, anyone on this level of the walker could clearly hear you; if not the next. 

Once he was done, you had expected him to push you to the floor; not to help you stiffly stand.  Pulling you this time more willingly to sit atop of his lap.  Your thighs across his knees, and not thankfully sat on your throbbing ass.  For someone who had willingly hurt you, he now took his time to wipe away your tears; allowing you to snivel whilst sat on him. 

“I am sorry General.”

That seemed to appease him, though this time if he had asked it would have been that you were sorry for the punishment; not upsetting him. 

“That hurt me, just as much as it did you.  Don’t think that I enjoyed punishing you.”

He had tilted your chin to make you look up at him.  There was a pink tinge of exertion to his otherwise pale face.  There was no hint of savage enjoyment in his pale gaze; but then again neither did his ass feel like it was on fire.

“Really General?”

You blushed to hear that modulated voice.  Able to understand the teasing in it, even if you didn’t know what he had seen of his actions, to tease him for them.  His mask hid any facial features from you, but you knew before he spoke that he was goading the General.  There was always a raw power exchange whenever both men had to communicate; and you could almost feel the air around your crackling with suppressed the suppressed need to prove dominance over the other.

“And I thought corporal punishment was your forte.”

General Hux glowered at Kylo Ren, full of righteous indignation as he spluttered that you had needed the lesson.

“She comes under my jurisdiction Ren, and not yours.”

The change to The General’s visage was frightening, and if you thought you could do it without drawing attention to yourself; you would have slid off General Hux’s lap.  You got the impression that some of the issues lay with your position on the General’s lap.  The Commander tilted his head down to take a side wards glance at you, before he looked back at the redhead upon who’s knees you were precariously perched.    

“And I thought she came under neither.”

There was flippancy in his voice that seemed to anger General Hux, though if there had not been a mask there, you were sure you would have seen him wink at you before he spoke.  Whatever was wrong, this was a dig at General Hux and not you.  This was clearly more than just a simple pissing match.  General Hux was taking this personally; and for some reason, you suspected this was Kylo Ren’s intention. 

“Did you have a reason for being here Ren?”

The tone was neutral, but you could almost hear his jaw squeak with the effort to stay neutral to the Commander.  His arm wrapping around your waist in an odd and needless attempt to comfort what he thought was your rising panic, tucking your body closer to him.

“We have harvested the items needed and I have given the command to begin the decampment.  Will she be travelling with the others, or yourself?”  


	5. Your whispered replies hover so weightless

You unlike the other slaves, were to travel with General Hux.  He didn’t tell you, more that after Kylo Ren’s interruption he deemed it necessary to keep you with him and away from the other officers. The General leading you to a large, sleek and shiny-black shuttle; that made its arrival once you were outside the walker.  The kick back from the downwards engines making you cough and splutter, whilst he stood at attention.  Frowning as though the bringing forwards of his departure was a major inconvenience to his schedule.  Perhaps he had wasted time he thought he had, showing you the jungle; who knew.  But this seemed; like everything else to annoy him. 

Barring the pilot, the entire crew seemed to have disembarked the AT-M6.  You were led over to board the black shuttle, entering with General Hux and the more senior officers, through the access ramp.  Ensuing you followed a pace or two behind the smartly attired redhead in what you hoped was a show of respect for his rank. 

Inside was posher than any interior you had ever seen and it was hard not to feel more out of place than in the AT-M6.  At least there it had been a working vehicle, this just suggested a practical luxury that you couldn’t help but gawp at.  Your gaze slipping over the furnishings.  Scrutinizing your new surroundings, like a nervous school girl.  Both exited and scared in equal measures at what was to come. 

Cadannia had been your home for the last ten standard years, you couldn’t really remember much of living amongst other humans.  The deal with the other slaves had been to drop them off at the next space port, and you assumed that meant you too.  Soon you would be surrounded by humans and their habits.  Immersed into a world you barely knew, let alone understood and you didn’t know how you were going to survive in it.  Perhaps at best, you could indenture yourself into a lengthy servitude.  With the promise of a little pay at the end it would be less than ideal, but your basic needs would be looked after; food, water, basic rations.  It was a terrifying thought that in a matter of days you would be completely alone and away from everything you knew. 

A cough made you realise that you had stopped moving.  Added by the slightest of scowls from the ginger as he looked back to see where you had gone.  You mentally berated yourself for your stupidity, and lapse in concentration.  Hurrying to close the widening distance between you both.  Almost colliding with his back, in your hurry not to further disappoint him. Muttering a quiet sorry to him, as you once more dogged his boot steps; this time determined to behave.    

You were taken by the General to a set of plush leather seats.  All laid out around a smoked, grey transparasteel table. Six of them in total, three mirroring another set of three; all complete with safety harnesses and padded arm rests.  The female officer was sat in one next to the outside isle, though she dutifully stood to greet her superior officer.  General Hux nodded an acceptance of her salute, and ordered you to sit in the row opposite her.  Directing you to sit in the middle seat, and unlike himself and the officer ensuring you were strapped securely, into the seats safety harness.  Stoking over each strap to ensure it was tightened to requirement.  Your bottom still really hurt and despite the leather padding it still felt heated and stung.  You shuffled in your seat.  Uncomfortable and unable to relieve some of the pressure on it, for the tightly hugging harness.  You wanted out of it; but you were not about to announce to the rest of the room, that General Hux had spanked you like a small child.

“Sit still.”

You thought you had been subtle, and failed to see how he had seen you shuffling in your seat.  You hadn’t even made the leather squeak.  Looking hopelessly up at him for clues, the only answer you got for your silent question, was his voice low and warning in your ear.

“Your conduct brought this recourse upon yourself; next time it will be on your bare ass.”

His threat should not have brought a prickly heat that made you part your lips and draw in a deep startled breath.  He meant it as a punishment.  But then why did his eyes darken, swallowing his irises for the brief millisecond before he blinked it away and returned to his work.      

General Hux was a busy man, so it didn’t really surprise you that he had to ignore you.  But it was harder now to sit still and you envied that his work had his full attention now.  Watching him as he looked over documents on a holo-pad.  Occasionally swiping over documents, and adding annotated notes of his own.  They were mostly about the plant; the Senflax.  Though other than the letters, aurek, besh and cresh dotting the transcripts you still couldn’t read it.  But there was a heavy dotting of illustrations, maps and diagrams amongst the text.

“Why is Senflax so important to you.”

You spoke quicker than your mind registered that perhaps you should not have been reading over his shoulder.  But thankfully the question didn’t have General Hux berating you, as he had the first time you had looked over a forbidden document.  Instead he took a sigh, and turned a gentler gaze to you.  Lowering his pale blue eyes to look patiently down at you, watching you from beneath a curtain of ginger lashes. 

“Because my Supreme Leader, has said I must obtain the plant.”

Because ‘someone said so’, seemed a silly reason for all of this effort.  Surely, he should have told General Hux why, you thought.  You would have perhaps thought that the General told you a condensed reason to lie, until you realised that if he couldn’t tell you; he simply would have refused the order.  Frowning as you tried to decide if that would have been a good enough reason for you to go to all this effort.  Perhaps his leader, was as scary as your masters; perhaps he would be beaten if he didn’t do as he was told.  You were worried then.  There had been no mention that you were to be set free like the slaves, what if they were keeping you; what if you had to do as this ‘supreme leader’ said.  What if he was a scary man; more strict and cruel than the Yuuzhan Vong? 

“So like I have to obey my master, you have to obey your supreme leader?”

It was the closest analogy you could think of in comparison to your understanding of life.  Deciding that his leader must in some way own him.  Just like the Yuuzhan Vong who owned you, otherwise why would he be so subservient to him.   

“Not entirely.  I obey our Supreme Leader because I want to, because I feel it is right.”

Your lips formed a silent ‘O’ of thought.  You decided that General Hux must respect him a lot to willingly follow him.  He had so much power and intelligence at his disposal that there was no need for him to follow anyone’s orders.  Drawing your brows together in more silent constellation as you tried to decide if there had ever been a time you had actually _wanted_ to follow someone else’s instructions. 

Behind you there was a mechanical hiss, and you looked around startled at the closing ramp.  The bulky form of Kylo Ren stalking towards your seats.  His thick soled heavy black boots making echoing stomps on the metal floor of the shuttle.  Though he ignored General Hux, he tilted his head once almost in a greeting to you, before he sat himself down with you all.  Taking the chair opposite General Hux and leaving an empty chair as space, between himself and the Officer. 

“Ren.”

General Hux’s succinct greeting, seemed to be a warning more than a hello.  Kylo Ren didn’t accept it as a challenge, he merely permitted himself a slow nod of greeting.  General Hux not entering any further correspondence, just returning back to looking over the documents.  Whatever that round was about; you were not sure exactly who had won it.  Though judging from the scowl General Hux gave him, over his holopad; perhaps Kylo Ren.  Perhaps it was a good time to distract them from it, you thought.  Pursing your lips in hesitation, before you got brave enough and decided you had to ask the next question.

“So, is your supreme leader my new Master, or are you?”

General Hux looked uncomfortable, and shocked.  His mouth opened to say something, and then it closed again as though he was unsure.  From across the table, there was a wheezing sound coming from the masked Kylo Ren.  His shoulders heaved in rhythm with the static filled noise at your question made it easy to work out that he was laughing at you.  You were indignant; you had asked a sensible question, hadn’t you?  Next to you; General Hux shot the man a glare in your defence; one that almost promised certain death. 

“In what way was that funny Ren?”

Both the men’s actions shocked you into keeping your dignity by remaining silent.  Though you were crossest at Kylo Ren for his amusement at what had been a perfectly acceptable and innocent question.  Than General Hux for the glare that he shot Kylo Ren, then instead of offering assurance that you had done nothing wrong; continuing his work instead of answering your question.  You began to doubt you should have asked such a question, and wished you had not.

It had not been your intention to further antagonize General Hux, but you couldn’t sit still; not when you didn’t quite know your fate.  You shuffled in your seat.  The harness keeping you firmly on your buttocks.  You wanted to ask again, but also wanted to apologise. The throb of your bottom was enough of a warning not to risk the wrong action and being accused of playing up for him now.  Even if the bruising sting to your pride, at being to mortifyingly punished had not worked as a deterrent.  You had preferred it when he called you a good girl, and brushed your hair back soothingly for you.  Especially in moments such as this, when you were frightened.  Space travel was something you had experienced only once, as far as you were aware of and that had been terrifying.

The ship was beginning its take off, or at least you hoped that was what it was.  You wanted to ask him what was happening, but now he seemed too annoyed at your question to do that, and even though the ships shaking was scary; General Hux was scarier. 

“Nobody is going to be your new master; you will no longer be anyone’s slave.”

Obviously, the work he was undertaking, came before your answer; though he was still annoyed by the interruption.  His teeth gritted together, as his lips moved over the word ‘master and slave’.  There was a sense of vehemence in his denial of that title for you, that made you frown in question though you knew better than to ask why.  His tone, almost suggested it was a dirty word to him; though you noted that he spoke still facing Kylo Ren and not you. 

There was something there, though it was forgotten in the realisation that he had told you, that you were now a free person.  Perhaps you had been, being stupid but for all you had considered it a possibility, the reality of freedom had never really occurred to you.  You only really knew how to be what you were, looked after and owned; the free world was scary.  You had nothing; no credits, no belongings; even the clothes on your back belonged to the First Order. The wide-eyed stare you gave him was as much terror at your newly addressed status; as fear of vibrating of the ship. 

“I presume you have not flown before?”

You managed a fear toned squeal, that conveyed the basics.  You wanted to answer clearly, and in a manner, he would find acceptable; but you were too sprung tight with unease at the situation.  Having to trust that his reaction would be to treat you with more respect than when he called you stupid over the boots.

“No, once.  It was scary and we nearly crashed.”

You shook your head and remembered to add General Hux as an afterthought.  He stared at you a moment or two more, before huffing.  His features softened and thankfully he accepted your fear much easier, than he had your ineptitude with the boots.  Tutting as he fully put aside the holo-pad and shifted closer to you; cupping the far side of your face and tilting it towards him.

“The rattle is just the engines priming the thrusters for take-off.  I have flown regularly since I was six years old.  I have never been involved a crash.”

You nodded again.  Giving a frightened squeak as the shuddering got worse, effecting even your seat now; the fear of the unknown robbing you of all speech.  You were grateful that General Hux had allowed you to travel with him, you found his actions much more comforting than a faceless stormtrooper, who would have   There was no punishment for your failure to talk, though you supposed neither had he asked questions.

Across from you Kylo Ren leaned forwards in his seat.  Addressing the General; though you felt him place two fingers onto the backs of your hands.  Gently stroking over your knuckles, where they clung tightly to your harness straps; white with the strain. 

You felt stupid; no one else was frightened of this, just you.  Even the officer opposite you looked uncomfortable with your behaviour, her eyes flitting between yourself and General Hux.  She muttered something the General must have heard, to be permitted to be excused from the room.  Amazing you by having the courage to walk away, whilst the ship was in motion.

“I could put her to sleep if you like Hux.”

The modulated voice of Kylo Ren, was met with a speedy reply; a growled ‘no’ was his answer as the General flicked his hand at Kylo Ren’s wrist.  Slapping it, before moving to push it away from you.    

“Prey how is she supposed to get used to space travel, if she is always too asleep to remember it?”

His explanation to the other man was brusque; but calmer than his refusal to let Kylo Ren put you under.  There was still a large portion of ire in his tone, reserved for the Commander as he permitted you to tuck your face into his shoulder; and grasp hold of his wrist. 

“Are you planning on doing a lot of traveling with her, General?”

Almost, you could taste the tension between the two men; something was going on between them both.  Something that for General Hux that was larger than his usual pissing match with Kylo Ren.  Something that you could sense amused Kylo Ren.  An annoyance that was enough for Kylo Ren to spend time drawing out General Hux’s anger; almost baiting his temper.

“She is a young lady, why should she not travel more Ren?”

There seemed to be no further discussion; and you were grateful.  Flying was uncomfortable enough, without the testosterone fuelled battle between the two alpha males.  The shuddering stopped and in the silence that followed; General Hux was able to pry control of his wrist back from your frightened grip.  He did however permit you to keep your head leaning against his shoulder.  But continued with his work, permitting you to watch him work during the brief journey leaving you strapped in the seat. 

Across from you, Kylo Ren seemed to keep the mask of his visor fixed on you.  Though this was not an indication that he was paying any attention to him.  His eyes could be fixed elsewhere, or closed and asleep for all you knew.  The only sign that he wasn’t; was the modulated voice warning you that they would be landing soon.  Either the landing was smoother than the take-off, or being prepared for it was less frightening for you.

If you thought that the shuttle had been a large and impressive ship; it was nothing to discovering yourself alighting the vessel into a large and chilly hanger.  The room was the largest you had ever seen, metal beams supporting a vast roof at least as high as the forest trees on Cadannia.  Around you there was so much going on.  Squadrons of troopers marching around marked pathways on the floor.  Men carrying enormous helmets and smaller groups of officers vied for right of way with the troopers; though all got out of the way for the General and Commander Ren.  They would salute him in passing, some falling in line as you walked further into the ship; to hand over snippets of information.  The ceilings lower in parts of the conscript than others’ though everything still as sleek, shiny and polished as the shuttle.  Kylo Ren seemed to have disappeared at the first intersecting corridor.  Neither stopping to explain or bidding General Hux goodbye, simply twisting on his heels and stomping off.  Aboard the flatter star ship’s synthetic terrain; General Hux’s marched strides took him much further than he had managed traversing the overgrown undergrowth of Cadannia.  You struggled to keep up with his pace, his effortless gait left you almost breathless to keep up with his hurried return to the normality of ship-life.  

The floor was harder on your bandage wrapped feet, and cold in an almost icy way that the Jungle had never been. The atmosphere was chilly, and what had been an overpoweringly-warm set of clothing on Cadannia, was bone chillingly cold here.  You were thankful for the fast pace, it helped to quickly warm you up and kept you from shivering. 

If he noticed you shivering, it was lost in the influx of people bringing messages and requests.  Aboard the planet, you had heard his coms device go off once; to answer a Kylo Ren based query.  Now he scowled as it bleeped three times in succession; General Hux making a sarcastic comment that they couldn’t manage anything alone, that made you stifle a smile. 

He seemed so much more serious here.  Gone was the amused glint he would send your way, when you messed up.  Instead he seemed if possible more serious when dealing with others, openly scowling at anyone who wasted his time on this journey.  The shipboard lifts were something else that you had not experienced before.  Though with the General at your side, you did feel much braver.  They hardly felt like they moved, despite his amused insistence that they did.  The workers who joined you in the lift, were respectful of the General; but kept their space from him too.  Making you gather that there was still the established hierarchy here on this space ship, and General Hux was at the very top of it.  It made you feel good, protected even then to be under the wing of such a powerful man.  Such as shame then that in the next couple of days, you would be out from under it and left entirely to fend for yourself.

“Do you like my ship.”

It was a gentle question, asked in the moments when you were alone in the elevator.  It made your heart beat faster with relief at seeing the man you knew better still there; offering a small relived smile.  There was so much pride in his voice that you nodded without even thinking; following him out from the lift.  You were not sure that there was anything much to like or dislike about it; you hadn’t had much to compare it with.  You liked that the size of the ship made you forget that you were suspended thousands of clicks above the planet’s surface; floating in space. But not the cold, and metal starkness of it all.  But General Hux liked it; and you liked the way he talked about her and the way he looked when he did.  The Finalizer clearly was important to him. 

With a wave of his hand he instructed you to follow.  You turned and followed in the guided direction, trying not to shiver now you took a slower less exerting pace.  This corridor seemed to be entirely deserted of other personnel.  For all it was long and not overly narrow; there was only a hand full of unnumbered doors.  You wondered where he was leading you, why this was so quiet; when the rest of the ship had been teeming with life. 

“Living quarters.  This floor is myself and some of the higher-ranking men.”

The quick reply to your inner thoughts, made you frown; wondering if he really could read minds like Kylo Ren.  You frowned, pulling your eyebrows into a deeper furrow; worried that perhaps he could and desperately scrambling to find a polite way of stopping him. 

“You look puzzled.”

You were, though relived that that statement strongly suggested that he couldn’t.  Brushing aside your confusion, he defused it by walking down the corridor. He approached the one at the end, pressing a thumb to a box next to the door, and waited patiently before a light above it turned green.

“It is late in the day; and I have not the time to source suitable quarters before curfew.”

He led you into a cold room, so unembellished and plainly set out, that you knew it was his.  There was nothing personal; but the cleanliness and tidiness was bordering on obsessional.  A small living area was backed by two doors side by side, separated by a narrow piece of metal.  He began by opening the door to his left, and then returning to empty one of the plush couches of its cushions.  His arms full he began carrying them through the open door whilst bewildered you waited.  There was scraping and the sounds of soft furnishings hitting the floor, before he came out looking flushed and entered the next door. 

You took advantage of departure to creep forwards to look through the door way.  It was a very small room compared to the one you were sat in.  Plain and smooth wall, were only intersected by a tall but narrow cabinet bolted to it.  There was a large desk; but that had been pushed up against the far wall, and the couch pillows laid out in front of it, in a neat row along one wall.

“I will source you a bed tomorrow.”

The statement was made and an apology.  But again, the line of pillows on the floor made for more luxury than you had been used to in your fragile few years.  He had appeared behind you, with an arm full of sheets and blankets and you stepped aside to let him pass.  Watching as he laid them out atop of the makeshift bed, tucking the bottom sheet under them to keep them together.  Adding a thick pillow at one end for your head.  It was all very neat and precisely done, touching in a way that he was doing his best for you.

“I have more work to do and will bring you food later.  Meanwhile sleep if you have to; but not touch anything.”

The sternness in his voice wasn’t needed.  Your bottom still throbbed from your earlier infraction.  He slicked back his hair pulling at his tunic, to put his appearance back into order.  Taking a deep breath as he stood in front of the entry door, turning to look back at you.

“Please behave and stay in here.”

This was a soft request not a firm order.  He was concerned, reluctant to leave you; though you gathered from all the reports and interruptions that something urgently needed his time.  You didn’t want to disappoint him, but sucking at your lips, you pulled them back to hold the inner edges between your teeth.  A sudden impulse making you spurt forwards and wrap your arms around him.

“I won’t I promise General Hux.”  

He hadn’t expected you to lunge for him, so his arms were still stiffly at his sides.  Trapped by yours circling his waste.  Perhaps you had stepped completely out of place, but you couldn’t help but stand on tip toes, reaching to kiss his cheek. Feeling the rough burn of the days growth on hair under your lips. Whispering thanks for all of his kindness before placing your cheek against his chest.  He didn’t relax at all under your grip, but nor did he say anything to make you loosen your hold.  Perhaps you shouldn’t have followed your impulses, but it was not as though you could offer him a gift in recognition for looking out for you.

The silence in the room was muted compared to the deafening thud of his heart racing in your ear.  You began to realise what you had done, how it could have been inappropriate and embarrassing to such a controlled rigid man.  Muttering a sorry you dropped your arms to your side and readied to step back.  Gathering together an apology and face another punishment for your inappropriately impromptu actions.  Almost gasping when at the last moment he dipped his head to place a single innocently chaste, kiss to the very top of your scalp.

He looked flushed.  A dusting of red smearing the tops of his ears and his cheeks a dusky pink. You had embarrassed him, you realised and quickly you apologised again.  Sorry to have put him in such an awkward position.  In the brief weeks of knowing him, you should have realised he wouldn’t cope well with being touched.

“This does not happen outside of this room, and then only when we are alone.”

The hiss in his voice had been long since overshadowed by the tenderness of the kiss.  It was your turn to blush, this time in acknowledgement of the concession he was affording to you; despite his obvious feelings on the matter.  General Hux was a grown man, this behaviour would be unheard of for anyone his age and station; let alone his military standing.  Nodding, you couldn’t help the little smile that painted the corners of your lips.  Slowly looking up to find he had completely recovered his pride and was once more poised to perfection. 

“But this will not lead to romance; nor anything more than light emotional attachments of a nonsexual kind. You need to find someone more appropriate for that; understood?”

        

   


	6. Lost in thoughts, on open seas

General Hux had been much too busy to fetch you the promised food.  Not that it worried your gnawing stomach, you had gone days without food before; but you didn’t want him to forget you were here.  Whilst this was his suit of rooms; you doubted he slept much in the plush bed you had sneaked a peek at, when you entered his room to use his adjoining refresher. 

You were close to giving up and sleeping for the night when there was a chime, a warning you before the door whooshed open.  Sliding back into the recess hidden in the wall, to reveal a small droid balancing a tray of foiled packages in its clawed pincers. 

The Yuuzhan Vong had abhorred technology, and so the droid you had seen had been few and far between.  This small black unit was a novelty then, and for all you could not understand the bleeps and whirrs; you gathered that he wanted you to take the packages from him. 

“Thank you.”

It rolled back and gave a shocked whirling sound.  Bleeping again as it left you with what where becoming deliciously smelling packages. General Hux had at least sent food, even if he was unable to fetch it himself.  You laid it out on the table, sniffing at the unfamiliar types of food.  For all you tried it all, some of it tasted better than other dishes.  He had sent far too much food, and so you picked from the containers you liked and then cleared them up into a neat pile afterward.  Looking over towards his bedroom as you stacked the last pot. 

The immaculately made bed, was probably like his sallow skin; indicative of a man who rarely slept.  Frowning you picked your way into your makeshift bedroom, wondering if he would even return tonight.  Stripping off your trousers and tunic, you left the outer layers in a heap on the floor.  Shutting the door and climbing under the covers in your underwear.  You would have liked to wish him good night, but now you just hoped that he made it back to his bed.  He always looked so exhausted, that it was so sad to think of such a dedicated man being kept away from what he needed the most.

For all there was allocated day time and night time in space; there was no real change for you.  Apparently the First Order kept to a standard galactic day cycle of twenty-six hours, but it all was equally as dark when the lights went out.  So you woke to darkness and total disorientation; just a sliver of light under the door suggesting someone else was up.  Standing up, you fumbled about in the dark for your clothing, before giving up and searching the wall for the light switch. 

Your clothing had been move in the night.  Neatly folded it was laid out on the otherwise empty desk, with additional undergarments laid out next to the existing tunic and trousers.  There were also softer shoes, though you just pulled on clean clothing for now; padding bare footed into the living area. 

You gathered from the change in boxes on the table it was morning, a bitter aroma coming from a pot boiling on the small kitchenette to one side.  The door to General Hux’s room was shut, and noises from within, suggested that he was in conversation with someone. 

A nosy part of you, suggested that you should listen to the conversation, but you knew it would be considered rude; especially if he caught you out.  Instead you just sat on the usable couch; tucking your legs under yourself to patiently wait him out. 

“You’re up early.”

For all you had been expecting him, he still made you jump.  He looked freshly groomed; but tired.  His eyes looked like he had been up all night; though his clothing and general appearance suggested nothing of the sort.  He smelt sharp and clean, his hair slicked back from the shower. Was it ever early in this endless night of space; it looked like it was always very late for him. 

Here in his home he moved at a more sedate pace, pouring himself a drink from the pot on the stove and you one from a cupboard in the counter.  He placed the glass in front of you, and moved to plate up food placing next to the glass and adding a shiny metal utensil and asked if you could manage it.  You were illiterate, not thick.  Just because the Yuuzhan Vong didn’t use cutlery didn’t mean that you hadn’t ever been taught to use it by a previous master.  Rolling your eyes, you picked up a fork; and pointedly stabbed it into the plate of food; bringing it up to your mouth and chewing.

As usual, he had put far too much food on your plate, and your stomach was straining by the time you were almost done. It tasted good though, all food seemed to taste better here.  Though after ten years of table scraps and cold mush, you were very much aware that food was a necessity to keep you alive; that it also tasted good was a luxury. 

“Are you not eating.”

He shook his head.  Swallowing the mouthful of hot drink, he had just put to his lips.  Setting it aside and typing something onto a datapad, resting on his lap.  Flitting his gaze between that and the holopad on the chair arm, rather than look at you.

“I have a breakfast meeting at o-seven-thirty.”

You took a sip of your drink, scowling as you realised that this meant he would be gone early.  You were grateful for his generosity; but it was boring here in his quarters alone.  Although friendships were not permitted, and brutally discouraged under your old masters, at least there had been company.  Or if not company; plenty of work to throw yourself into, to pass the time.  Last night had been mind-numbingly tedious; and today looked to be worse.  You couldn’t even ask him, for any written material; trying to read it would be pointless. 

“You will need to use the shower in my refresher, I cannot install another.  Though I will arrange a door from your room.”

He had stood up.  His writing finished, he was performing the final inspections on his appearance; he was going then was he.  In private, you had noticed that he seemed to fidget with his appearance.  Performing little checks and adjustments, to ensure he looked the perfect example to his men. But you had never seen him with so much as a hair out of place.  Even though he chose to shave naturally, rather than take suppressants; last evening’s stubble had been only noticeable by touch.  It seemed a pointless task to you, for him to worry so needlessly that he looked flawless; nobody could be entirely without fault.

He had pulled on a long black coat, pulling from the pocket a hat.  Donning both, as you sat sulkily picking at your feet.  You wanted to ask him, if you could go with him. Or at the very least, leave these rooms and explore.  But you didn’t think that he would permit you to do either one.  No today would have to be as boring as last night; and you should instead of moaning, be thankful you were here.

“Those rags can come off your feet today, I have put more socks in your room; **wear them**!”

He was not loud, just firm.  Buttoning up his coat, and smoothing down the thick fabric.  Taking a deep sigh; you stood and stalked over to his room.  Highly determined, that if the only thing he left you to do, was to take a shower; it would be the longest shower ever. 

“You’ll have to be done by eight fifteen.”

Pausing you gritted your teeth in annoyance.  Ensuring you took a moment to sound less like a petulant child than you honestly felt.

“Yes, General Hux.”

“There will be a Tutor droid arriving shortly after that.”

You turned suddenly, confused as to what this all meant.  Noticing the sparkle in his eyes, before he retreated to unreadable boredom again.  Pursing you lips, you pulled your features into a scowl.  He had known for all your attempts to be accepting and calm as he wanted you to be; that you were not.  He had been drawing out that behaviour to tease you.  Nostrils flaring, you inflated your lungs well past normal capacity, slowly letting your breath out. You hadn’t realised that your steps had retraced themselves back to the sofa, and for all you stood against the back of it; he was only the other side.  Digging your nails into the thick, padded back; you hoped your next question was not impertinent.  

“To teach me?”

He looked impatient, and if it wasn’t that General Hux did not do such things; you could have sworn he rolled his eyes at you.  Ire creeping into his voice as he spoke to you.

“Yes, to teach you.  Heavens knows, it has nothing it can teach me.”

You felt uncomfortable, and even more so to be needing him to clarify his intentions.

“To read?”

 “It will teach you lots of things.  But yes, to begin with I would like you to learn to read and write; _in both basic, and high galactic_.”        .”

It was hard not to grin at him then, leaping over the sofa to take advantage of the rule he set yesterday and hug him again.  Lightly winding him, and forcing him to take a breather and accept your hold on him.  There was less stiffness, this time he seemed prepared, and lightly wrapped his arms around your back.

“But I thought, the space port.”

Your forlorn but garbled attempt, at checking how long you had to take advantage of this seemed to have him tensing.

“We passed it in the night, the others disembarked an hour ago; did you want to go with them?”

Against his chest you smiled to yourself and pressed your cheek firmer to him.  The relief that this was him taking care of you, was almost palatable.  It was not even worth thinking about what you would have missed out on, if he had decided to leave you with the others.  Burying into his grip, you let your heart speak out for you head, not considering that this might still only be a temporary measure.  

“You’re going to keep me?”  

“I gave you a bedroom.”

His voice was nothing like the stern commanding tone he used in the presence of others.  It was nice to be held by him.  His arms wrapped around you made you feel safe; it was comforting.  He was warm; even if his coat made it awkward to get a proper hold on him, and was a little itchy on the bare patches of your skin.

“Thank you.”

You reached up to try and kiss his cheek.  This time he knew to accept it, and dutifully turned his face so that your mouth pressed against the blade of his cheek bone.  Leaving red spots, high on his cheekbones, for all he had lowered his lids in surrender.    

He cleared his throat, once you were done.  A deliberate cough that was meant to both ground you; and to advise you to give him some space.  Stepping back from him, you apologised. You were so unused to kindness, for kindnesses sake that perhaps you over reacted and made him uncomfortable.  Biting your cheek, you bid him goodbye for the day, nodding at his assurances that he would send meals; and be home for the last one.

Your morning went more or less as he would have planned it then.  You showered and redressed.  The excitement for an actual education, making you get ready well before the Tutor droid was expected.  It was a small wait, and then the droid appeared.  Tall and almost humanoid in its matt black and glimmering chrome design.  Its programmed personality, was to be respectful but firm with you; and your learnt well.  It pushed you at an acceptable rate and you soon discovered that the act of learning to read and write would not be quite the monolithic task you had thought it would be. You had learnt most of the aurebesh alphabet and their sounds when it had permitted you a break for lunch.  By the time it had called an ending to the day’s lessons a good four hours afterwards; you knew the others and he had left you a datapad to practice scribing them on.

Woodenly you worked at the letters. Determined that when General Hux returned you would be able to proudly display the extra effort you had gone through for the day.  Working long past the first rumblings of your stomach in a show of willingness.  You wanted him to be pleased with your efforts, and somehow doubted he accepted half measures, or anything less than perfection.    

Hunger had been so common place to you that doing without didn’t scare you; so, you didn’t worry at the lateness of the food; more that it was a novelty to properly feel hunger and know food would come.  You had already eaten enough during the first two meals of the day to comfortably sustain your body’s needs.  For that reason, you were more disappointed than relieved; when the service droid appeared with your evening meal.  You ate alone; the richer foods that he had sent leaving you feeling a little sickly afterwards.  Clearing the boxes to the kitchenette side, so that the smell was gone; you worked until it was late.  He had still not returned by the time your eyes were dropping closed.  So, you reluctantly turned in for the night.  Stripping off to just your panties and undershirt to crawl into bed and sleep.

Either he had not come home yet.  Or he had been home, rested and already woken; by the time you roused from your own sleep.  Not that it was late even by his own strict standards.  But there was no sign of him as you walked into the living area, still wearing the small covering of clothing, you had slept in.  Your body becoming more accustomed to the colder climate of space, and so you didn’t bother to dress before you ate the breakfast he had left you.  He was not in his room, that much you knew without checking before you showered and dressed; though it was still a disappointment to find him missing. 

The next two days were a loose variation on the that day.  The only real difference was that you did not see General Hux, to have him make a false promise that he would be back before you slept that night.  You still did your duty and learnt well.  Determined that he would be the last person to find you lacking; insistent that you would relay his kindness at keeping you here, by following his orders. The Tutor Droid was proving an excellent teacher and your drive to be something more than the illiterate slave he knew you as pushed you to do well.  Desperately, you wanted to be worthy of his time.  Picking from the cartons of food; you barely ate.  Replacing the lids and leaving it out on the table in a lonely show of petulance, that you hoped he would understand when he saw it.  After you had eaten and then pulled a blanket from your bed; nestling under it rather than work on.   Stripping off to your usual sleep wear, of your under clothes.  Nestling under it to keep cosy until he came back; practicing the days lessons from the droid.  Both times you fell asleep, and on both occasions you still woke to find him gone, and the food boxes changed.  The only suggestion that it had been him coming into his rooms, was the addition of a pillow and an extra blanket for warmth; at least he had cared enough to check up on you.

The evening of the third day; you had decided on waiting up for him.  You were determined to ask if you had done something that was making him stay away.  Later on, you showered again; more for something to do than cleanliness.  You dried off and redressed in his bedroom.  Pulling on just the under shirt and small clothes; adding your socks for warmth.   His bed had as always been immaculately made; the top sheet so flawlessly smooth; that you wanted to run your fingers over it.  Giving into temptation you did.  Biting your lip, you peeled back a corner and permitted yourself to lie between his cool sheets.  Burying yourself under the blankets until all you could smell was him, pulling the blanket up and over your head until all was darkness and his scent.  So overwhelmed with loneliness that you didn’t entirely register the first tear you shed over him.

You had of course cried yourself to sleep.  Waking suddenly on his return and frantically trying to put the bed right.  You knew when you had done it, that it was a stupid thing to do and now you were going to suffer the consequences of doing it.  He would be cross at you; this would be like when you ignored him and stomped off.  You smoothed over the last crease; knowing that for all your attempts to cover up what you had done had been good; they would not go unnoticed by him of all people.  Your bottom giving an involuntary twinge of ghostly pain; the memory of him bending you over his knee making you both worried and flushed.   

Dazed, was not the word to describe how you looked when he walked in; the low mood lighting of his room, if anything making him look more exhausted than he was.  It did thankfully hide the deepening rose colour of your cheeks; though not as successfully on his paler pallet. 

“It is very late sweetheart, why are you not in your bed?”

He was tired, and you had not expected him to find the energy or patience to deal so softly with you.  It made you feel all the more guiltier for having been asleep in his bed; for having taken advantage of his generous hospitality.  Perhaps it was the tiredness, or the realisation that he would soon be disappointed with you letting him down; but your bottom lip began to quiver and you bit it to try and steady yourself.

“Hey.”

His continued gentleness made it all the more harder to control the silent tears that tracked your sleep flushed skin.  Then when he took two large strides to stand closer to you; it broke your resolve to behave with any dignity and you hiccupped into his chest as you gave a sob punctuated description.

“I fell asleep; in your bed.  I know I shouldn’t have been in there; but..”

His laugh cut you off, and gently he pulled you toward him.  Cradling the back of your head in his palm, and pulling you against his chest; where a thicker scent of him lay.  Syrupy thick with his cologne and smoky whiskey as it permeated your own clothing.  He shushed you, and on impulse you wrapped your arms around him.  Your heart thudding in this little sanctuary of you two, that he created for you. 

“Is that all little one?  It hardly seems worth your tears now, does it?”          

You rubbed your cheek over his tunic; whilst he spoke. His elegantly lined jaw titled to look down at you.  It must have been late, for you to be able to see the ginger fuzz of stubble catching in the light. The hair creating a roughness to his skin that come the morning would be gone; but oddly showed him vulnerably human for now. Shaking your head against the cage of his chest, he permitted you a moment or two longer before questioning if you had eaten; ensuring that you were still taking care of yourself.  At your nod, and whispered ‘yes General’ he grunted; pleased that you were okay, but still concerned.  His kindness made you take a gamble and risk upsetting him; offering him the root to his question before he demanded it of you.

“I’m lonely.”

His sigh made you feel ungrateful for even thinking such a petty and needless thought.  You were fed, clothed and certainly not without things to pass the time.  All that made stopped you from backtracking was the tightening of his grip on you.

“Is that why you have been sleeping on my couch?”

You nodded; biting on the knuckle of your hand to stifle the sobbed yes.  Brushing at your cheeks to clear the itchy puddles of salt tracks away.  He was warm, and where you were pressed against him; but your back was cold.  Slowly you were beginning to shiver and your feet were growing numb; despite their woollen coverings.  He encouraged you to burrow deeper into his coat for warmth; opening it up to your digging.   

“Shall we make a deal? You stop crying and go back to bed and sleep where it is warm and comfortable; Then in return for your good behaviour; tomorrow I shall arrange with my assistant to share my luncheon with you.   _Even_ , if it means having you come and eat with me at work.”

You grinned.  The outcome of your upset had not been the stern telling off you had envisioned from him.  Rather it was quite the opposite; you had won yourself the promise of more time.  Your croaked okay, still carried with it bittersweet hope that this time he would keep to his word. 

“Do you promise?”

“I promise sweetheart; now _bed_.”

Your heart leaped.  Sure, had promised to spend a meal with you twice now and let you down.  But that did not stop you from smiling at his promise.  Letting him lead you by the hand back to the makeshift bed of pillows on the floor.  He pulled back your covers and waited for you to climb into onto the bottom sheet. 

You smiled as you did, leaning over to kiss his cheek.  His eyes holding for a nanosecond a glimmer of acceptance for your little show of gratitude; before he gruffly told you to settle into bed.  Pulling the coverlets up and tucking your sleepy body in for the night. 

You were far more tired than you realised; yawning loudly as he brushed hair back from your face.  A tender action of his own, which was perhaps his stiff version of a kiss.  You wondered what kind of a life he had had to be so afraid of accepting simple touch. He dimmed the light to off.  Turning to look back and wish you a more formal good night as you watched him go; listening out for the sounds of him shuffling into bed.  Smiling to yourself in the darkness once you knew he was safely in bed.

He was as you would expect gone by the time you woke up; and probably not just because you were running late after last night.  Shuffling into your clothes, you had to forego the shower for a quick splash of water and your teeth brushing.  Breakfast too was forgotten in the excitement of ensuring the droid checked over your written work; you wanted to make sure you had spelt it perfectly.

Lunchtime came, and your heart sunk deeper with every passing minute on the chronometer that marked an absence of his presence; almost giving it up for another forgotten promise when eventually the door opened to admit him.  He was carrying boxes; and behind him a woman carried an armful of clothing bags.  Her hair pulled back into the regulation hair style he had tied yours back in that first day.  The same one you wore now for him. 

You wanted to run and greet him.  But a twisting empty, sickening feeling in your tummy held you back from going to him; instead narrowing your eyes as you watched the woman enter his apartments.

“(y/n) this is Dr Amara.”

You didn’t like her one bit; and soon you realised it was not just because she was beautiful and poised; of a similar age as him; she was everything you were not.  No, it was the graceful way she flitted around his quarters with intimate knowledge of the rooms.  Placing her cargo in your assigned room she came out and studied you.  Her stance so familiar to General Hux’s that you almost called her Sir, when you mumbled a sulky and dejected salutation.  He was pulling out plates from the kitchen, before he darted into the refresher to wash his hands to eat with you.  You wished he had not left you alone with her, especially as she stood at the door way to his bedroom and shouted into him.

“So this is your ward Armitage?  She’s quite pretty; but a little too old to be sharing quarters don’t you think, and what’s that in your hand.”

And you are the woman that His officer warned me about, you thought.  Blinking at the prickling sting in your eyes as you defensively stepped back from her.  The compliment you knew came with barbs.  She didn’t find you pretty; she was worried he did.  Clutching at the container lid you had kept back to scribble on, you hid it from her.  Not that she seemed to notice; plucking it from your hand and scowling at it. 

Where a minute ago you were proud of your work and eager to show him what you had achieved; now you felt ashamed.  Her entire attitude suggested that she found everything you did distasteful, and now she was probing for weaknesses to flay you with.  She tittered at what she found there, her voice as she teased you incredulous.

“Did you write this? It shows appalling penmanship.  Really Armitage she ought to be taught better penmanship; and to write in high galactic like a proper Imperial; not this common aurebesh.  Anyone would think she was half-illiterate by reading this.”

               

      


	7. Determination grows, with each thought revealed.

Your feet had found their way into the corridor beyond and well past the General’s line of sight, before you realised you were running away.  Your face burning as hot as molten lead, whilst your body branded itself with your shame.  She hadn’t just taunted you with the possibility of being illiterate.  No, she had deduced that and taunted you with it; pretending that it was an uncertainty to make her look better to him.  The gossip about her had been right; she really was horrible and you did not want her in your little sanctuary; you wanted her nowhere near you; or General Hux.

Sniffling you sobbed at you ran, ignoring his yell for you to come back.  Far more frightened of facing her and her self-imposed superiority; than dealing with the punishment that was to come when he finally got his hands on you. 

“Spread out and search; I want her found NOW!”

He was furious with you, and now you were being hunted by more than just him.  Afraid to face another spanking you rallied your speed, managing to duck around another corner and away from him. 

You knew there would be no escape from his ship.  But that didn’t stop you from wanting to put distance between you and Dr Amara.  Running until winded and exhausted; you were forced to slow to a brusque walk.  There was no great plan of action; but you made it into a lift and pressed at a random button.  Panting as you recovered some breath inside its empty interior, then creeping from the opening doors, into the narrower and thankfully deserted corridor. 

This section of the ship was not exactly dirty; but things were less shiny than the chrome and grey encased areas you had seen.  Perhaps if there was no one about, it was not regularly visited by people; that could be good if it was, there would be less people to find you.  It was also thankfully warmer though, and not yet showing any signs of General Hux; or worse, that awful woman.  You were able to walk slower here; ducking into a side nook.  Frantically climbing onto a ledge when you heard the rhythmic, stomp of footsteps on the gridded-metal, tiled floor. 

Stormtroopers you realised.  Peeking from the ledge, as four marched towards the entrance to your hidey-hole in perfect formation.  Their matt black blasters carried ready and probably loaded.  Pressing your stomach against the hard durasteel plate, and turning your head from the entrance at the last moment.  Flattening yourself tight, against the ledge, you held your breath for extra measure until they had passed.  Breathing a quiet sigh of relief as they turned the next corner.  Now alone, you gave into your wobbly lip and shaky jaw.  Once more, sobbing face down in your folded arms; your head beginning to ache from all the tears. 

It had been a stupid thing, to even imagine he would have been impressed with you.  He knew well enough how to right such a simple thing, that this wasn’t worth you showing off your new found skill.  It would not have been good enough for him anyway, especially given her opinion on your handwriting.  Now you wished that you had never tried; it was humiliating to think that you had thought he would have been impressed with you.

Another set of bootsteps had you stifling your sobbing and pressing yourself flat again.  This the combined set of only two strides, both even in pace and length by the sounds of it.  The familiar voice of General Hux cutting echoing down the corridor, letting you know he was the owner of one set.

“Ren, she was seen heading this way.”

The other set belonged to Kylo Ren then, and the she you guessed was you.  Their steps came closer and your heart pounded in your ears, so loudly that you were sure they could find you by that noise alone.  You hoped not judging by the tone, General Hux sounded livid with you.  Screwing your eyes closed tight, your silently payed that he would pass by and not notice you.  Laid here you were trapped, with no way of leaving your bolt-hole without him finding you.  Your only hope was that you would be missed on this sweep, perhaps if you were, you could make it back home and find some way of apologising for wasting his time.

 “Can you not. Well, you know; use the _force_?”

If he had not been right outside the entrance to your cubby hole, then his voice would have been too quiet to hear.  Whatever force, he wanted Ren to use was either top secret, or judging from the hesitance before the word rolled distastefully off his tongue, he did not like it.  He was possibly sceptical; or perhaps nervous to ask for it to be used.  It worried you; how badly would your ass glow if he felt the need to stoop to levels he detested to find you.  You thought about coming out and admitting guilt; maybe there would be a reward for facing the music; a less server punishment.

“Perhaps if your current shag piece was kinder, she wouldn’t have bolted.”

“Dr Amara is most apologetic about upsetting (y/n); she wishes to apologise.”

That made your mind up for you; there was no way you were going back if she was waiting there for you.  No matter what the punishment was, you would rather face one ten times worse with just him; then go back and be told off lightly in front of her.  You could just see the smirk on her face, at having you beg her forgiveness like some naughty child. 

There was a pause, and you listened out for any clues that Kylo Ren was using the force to find you.  Holding perfectly still and quiet until your limbs ached with stiff disuse. 

“I suggest you try a different level; or another part of this one.”

Commander Ren’s mechanised voice had perhaps sounded a little farther away; though when you peeked over the ledge it was down to both himself and General Hux.  The General stood impeccably straight, arms tucked behind his back and facing away from you towards Kylo Ren.  Who in turn was facing you, his mask’s visor pointing levelly at General Hux; though still facing your direction.  There was no way of moving back without causing more attention to be brought to you; but you knew that if he tilted his head just a fraction; he would see you. 

It made you feel sick to your stomach that he would discover you and make you get down and return with Hux.  After the space of a few breaths, General Hux sighed.  His shoulders rising and broadening before he strode off back in the direction of the elevator you had used.

“I see, perhaps a quick search of the lower levels then.  Coming Ren?”

You had thought that you had escaped both men’s notices until Ren replied with a grunt; tilting his head up to look directly at you.  You swore your heart skipped a beat as your eyes widened in horror; waiting for him to hand you over to the General and your punishment.

“Certainly General.  After all, if she decided to move another level; the staff elevators are fully manned, they will notify you.”

For all he addressed the General; you knew he had spoken to you.  A show of compliance to your needs to stay hidden from General Hux’s friend.  Your mouth twisted into a half smile of thankfulness; heart sighing in relief at having someone on your side in all of this.  But how long would it take an intelligent man like General Hux to work out what Commander Ren was up to?  How long did you have, before you needed to scurry to a new hiding hole? 

With the slightest of nods, in answer to your thanks; he turned to join Hux, and you listened as they both walked off.  Though you hoped Kylo Ren would return soon; if nothing else than, to explain why he had not handed you over; and possibly to offer a solution for your dilemma. 

The absence of human life gave way to a silence; broken only but the occasional whirring of machinery.  Clunks and thunks; mixed with the hissing of gasses through the nearby pipes.  They lulled you into a brief; but deep sleep.  Full of turbulent dreams, that left you feeling guilty and alone when you woke. 

It was hardly cold in this part of the ship.  Your body had warmed your metal bed; but then the hard shelf was nothing unusual to you.  Even thought it was less comfortable than both the beds General Hux had given you; it was still better than packed dirty mud.  But you were lonely and there was a harsh sense of isolation to excluding yourself from his quarters, that made you sad.  Pulling your knees up; you curled into a ball.  Hugging your arms around yourself in a motion borne completely out of comfort.  You wished he was here to order you to return; that Kylo Ren had routed you out and made you go back.  Deep down, you knew that were being perhaps a juvenile in your need to stay away.  But your pride and fear of facing that woman again, of having her taunt you for not being good enough, was what made you stay way.  For now you could manage, but the environment was something unfamiliar and there was no chance of any self-sufficiency in its mechanised landscape.  Eventually you would have to return to General Hux.  Soon you would have to face the music and your punishment; to apologise and prey that he would accept you back.  That you had not been more trouble to him than it was worth.

Dr Amara, certainly thought you were.  It was clear from her behaviour that she didn’t like you either.  Her dig at you being illiterate had been a deliberate attempt to humiliate you; to prove how inferior you were to her.  You really could not understand her problem.  Why living in the same quarters was somehow unacceptable; after all you had shared a mud hut with up to twenty mixed slaves at any one given time.  How could separate rooms in a complex be deemed unacceptable, if that had been more than adequate.  It was not like you paraded naked around him; there was nothing there.  General Hux was just being kind and considerately caring for you; she was being very unnecessarily jealous of you, there was no way that he was anything more to you than a care giver. A kindly benevolent man, whom you didn’t deserve; but who was taking care of you anyway.

Your mouth pulled into a twisted pout at that; you were being unreasonable.  General Hux had been the first adult human you had met; and the first to look after you and that was good.  You had never had someone go to the lengths he did, just to make sure you were fed and watered; and you had thrown all of that in his face because of her.

Guilt took over, and with it a nervous pulling at your stomach; as you slid down off the ledge.  You did not want to return; but you knew you would rather live with her in his life, than without him.  You needed him in your life, just being around him made you instantly brighter; less worrisome.

“Going back to Daddy then?”

You jumped suddenly at Ren’s modulated voice.  The mockery at General Hux subtly evident to you, even scrambled as it was through his vocoder.  You brushed down the front of your tunic; turning to see him lounging nonchalantly against one side of the entrance to your cubby hole.  You didn’t reply; not at first.  Too shocked at his sudden appearance to decide if you wanted to be completely honest about your newfound humility. When you did speak; it was just a simple greeting.  Your knotted thoughts deciding long before your vocal chords had, to keep silent about General Hux and Dr Amara.

“Hello Commander Ren.”

You had used just the one title this time, just as General Hux had taught you; and in return Kylo Ren gave you a tilted nod of his head.

“The Doctor left his quarters an hour ago, it is safe to return.”

There was no pretence in his voice that she only might have been the reason you stayed away; and for that you had to cede respect to Kylo Ren.  Wondering, if he had worked it out, why General Hux had not; why he had allowed her to be so mean to you.

“Because little-sweetling; your dear General is thinking with his cock; not with his head.”

Nobody had ever been so crude in front of you; or so honest about another’s intentions.  Even the Yuuzhan Vong had been subtle about the one who had tried to bed you.  It shocked you to hear those words and as much as you wanted to defend the General and offer up excuses; you doubted Kylo Ren was wrong in his assumptions.  You knew his dislike of General Hux was completely professional; or else why would he be helping General Hux find you?  Your presence aboard his ship was completely personal; was that why she disliked you?  Would Kylo Ren tell you if you asked?

“Why does Dr Amara dislike me, Commander Ren.”          

He pushed off from the wall and walked towards you.  A gesture that you had seen others fear him for, but did not seem to set any alarm bells off with you.  You were not stupid.  For all Kylo Ren seemed to invoke fear into others; you could not see him killing without reason; and you could see no reason for him killing you. 

“She fears you; what she worries that you will take away from her.”

One gloved hand, brushed a tendril of hair from you face.  Then pressed palm side to your temple; his visor tilting as he spoke again to you.

“When you hear me little-one; I think you do not entirely hear my words, as much as their intentions.  An odd trait that has kept you alive all these years and why you learn languages so well.”

With a sigh, you nodded.  Not sure that you believed him; as much as you believed his own honesty in his spoken words.  In a strange way it made complete sense to you; far more than having lived to adulthood under the Yuuzhan Vong’s brutal ownership just through normal reasonings and measures.

“And now you think I should go back to him. Don’t you Commander Ren?”

The Commander had done nothing to either breech the distance.  Nor to further it between you both; and you took his waiting for what it was meant; a simple show of humanity.  Something that gossip on Cadannia had suggested that he had precious little of.

“I think that he worries, about you more than is healthy.”

Your own head tilted at that; and with his imparted wisdom you understood his words had a twofold meaning.  Yes, he worried about you more than was professionally appropriate for a man of his standing.  But also, Kylo Ren held an understanding of your fragile, but stoic ability to endure most trials; that already you had surpassed the usual life expectancy under your old masters.  History had shown you; that you could and did, adapt to survive most situations.

“Are you here to take me back to him?”

There had not been scorn for the General’s worry; just a suggestion that he had been more-fussy that needed over you.  Perhaps that other things should have come first.  You were hit with a pang of guilt at that; was it today that he had wasted time on looking for you; was that why Kylo Ren had been complacent in keeping you hidden.

“I think that you should return to him.  But no, you decided to run from daddy; you make your own way back to him.”

This was the second time he had used a totally inappropriate word to describe what General Hux was in relation to you.  If there had not been the knowledge through his speech that he understood basic; you would have assumed he had used the incorrect word due to a misunderstanding and not deliberate misuse. 

He pulled away from you, swivelling to stomp off in the opposite direction of the elevator.  His movements deliberately meant as a firmer refusal to offer support on your return to General Hux.   

“I don’t think General Hux would like me calling him that.”

It stopped him in his tracts, and though he turned to speak he continued his procession away from you afterwards.

“I rather think he would.”

You had instinctively known, that Kylo Ren was not naming General Hux his daddy; but yours.  You could feel the amusement in his choice of title for his fellow leader.  Whilst he was teasing him; it was not meant to degrade either of you.  It was not too far stretched from the way he tended to you your needs; but completely wrong for you to call him that; you were an adult not some youngling.

The Commander had left, and whilst you hated the thought of returning, you began to retrace your steps back towards the elevator.  That Kylo Ren had told you she was gone, made it easier to go home and whilst your bottom already gave phantom twinges of pain; it would be easier to bare your punishment without her there.  You were under no illusions that he would not carry out his threat to spank your bare ass.

Impending footsteps signalled another set of Stormtroopers.  Sighing deeply, you stood, assuming that they would like the ones General Hux had yelled at; be as willing to deliver you back to him.

“Halt!”

The one at the front had yelled the command; and you could almost taste the aggression in his order.  It scared you that it held undertones of a threat if you did not obey; and trembling you held still.  He handed his rifle over to another trooper and came closer; pulling a pair of binders from his waste.  Those you did not like, and although you were not stupid enough to run.  Your garbled plea of assurance that you didn’t need them. That you were not a threat was misunderstood as non-compliance and it earnt you an even rougher handling than his original voice had promised. 

You saw stars as he slammed you into the wall.  Tasting blood as your lips split.  You had offered no physical resistance and yet he had treated you with such unkindness; cruelty that you had not yet experienced under General Hux’s protection.

“Hold still!”

You had not realised that you had been struggling.  If the magnetic binders holding your wrists in the small of your back, were any indication; then you could not have been moving much.  But you held stiller for the sake of your throbbing cheek and brow bone.  Air hit you as the Stormtrooper pulled you off the wall, stinging what felt like open nerves on the left side of your face. 

You were not hurt badly.  But if this rougher treatment of you was anything to go by; then it meant your wellbeing was less relevant to General Hux if this was permitted to happen.  Butterflies fought for dominance with your feigned calmness as the Stormtrooper marched you back to General Hux.  A man whom if this treatment was anything to go with, was very cross with you.  As time went on, shame made you hid your face, and you were glad for the loosening tresses of hair that hid your face from the other passers-by.  You had done something very wrong.

The palpitations in your chest when they stopped outside an unfamiliar door, made you want to be sick.  The coms at the door bleeped and after a short exchange of details the Stormtrooper removed his helmet, whilst the grip at your bicep pushed you with him into the room. 

You dared to look up at General Hux as you were led into a large office room.  Dropping your head in absolute shame when you saw how cross he was.  Fixated on the floor you felt the echo of each treaded foot fall as he came closer.  Almost jumping when instead of a blow, a pinched grip at your chin tilted your face towards him; turning the injured side towards him.

“Did you do this?”

You began quaking at the sheer level of controlled rage and deception in his voice as he addressed his soldier.  It was a slowly lead trap, one that was about to end badly for someone; anyone as far as General Hux was concerned.

“Yes General Hux; Sir! Though she did resist.”

The stormtrooper lied; you had never resisted him.  He had chosen to behave this despicably to you; your behaviour had never caused such need for violence.  The rub of a padded thumb under your bottom lip made you chance a peek through your lashes at the General.

“Is this true?”

His voice was stern, but gentle enough to coax an answer out of your trembling body. 

“No, he slammed me into the wall. I. I, never resisted.”

Your voice had wavered cracking with fear for what was to come if General Hux chose to believe his soldier over you.  A needless fear.  His hand released your face and in the space of less than a heartbeat connected with the unprotected Stormtroopers face; knocking him cleanly to the floor.

“Get out, report to conditioning.”

He snarled the order, and kicked the prone man before his fingers found you again.  Making you realise your trembling had turned to a terrified stiffening.  You could detect no trace of it in his voice, but his previous warnings had been there.  If this was how he responded to his soldier’s mistake; how would he punish you.

“Come with me.”

He led you to his desk.  Sitting you a top of it, whilst the hiss of the door let you know you were alone with him.  Face down, you waited as he moved around the room; placing supplies on the perma-glass surface under you.

“Look at me.”

He was stood in front of you.  Thighs almost touching your bended knees. You followed his direction and tensed when he pressed something to your face.  Wincing as the soft material came into contact with your throbbing face.  Whatever substance that was on it stinging your face; waiting patiently as more ointment were applied.  A spray stetting everything in place and sealing the open cuts. 

“I doubt it will scar; but I have added the necessary creams to your cuts.”

“Thank you.”

Your voice broke as you spoke; and the thick lump in your throat was as difficult to swallow as it was to prevent you from crying.  Remembering with a sniff to add his title and name.  In answer, the stiff unemotionally driven man pulled you to him.  His arms tight to your back, and one hand spanning the back of your head, to press your forehead tightly to his chest. 

“If it does scar he will have more than reconditioning to concern himself with.”

The promise was spoken to comfort himself, so you ignored it.  Breathing deeply in the warmth of his embrace; and settling into the familiarity of it.  This close you could hear his heartbeat as he allowed you to turn your head in his hold.  Laying the uninjured side against his pectorals and pressing your hand to his chest.  Sliding your spare arm around his middle as he stepped closer; between your dangling legs; the hand on your skull stroking through your hair.

It was hard not to remember Kylo Ren’s teasing when he held you like this.  Daddy was almost a perfect way to describe what he was to you.

“I’m sorry daddy.”

Your words had been an honest slip up.  More that, in this warm refuge; your feelings slipped out as a mix up of thoughts.  Wincing your eyes flew wide your muscles bracing yourself for the telling off that was to come.  As much as your cheeks warmed in protest as he pulled away enough to look down at you.

“Do not **ever** , let anyone; or anything over hear you using that word around me.”

Your mouth had gone dry, though there was honestly an explanation on the tip of your tongue that became instead another apology.   Stopped in turn when you looked up at him. 

Gently the backs of his knuckles stroked your undamaged cheek.  His own cheeks showing a flush to them, as he looked tenderly down the curve of his nose at you.  He was not dismissive of the term, rather that Kylo Ren had been right; he did like it. 

Warmth pooled somewhere deep inside of your core; as slowly coiling spring that flushed your skin and heated your cheeks for an altogether different reason.  At once you knew what he had seen that you had no that day on top of the walker.  You may not have realised it; but your body had wanted you to kiss him; just as it wanted him to kiss you now.  Your lips tingling, as unsure what else to do; you asked him if this was like the hug.  If he did not want others to know he had a softer side.

“Is it wrong to call you that?”

His eyes became lidded slits, though he made no attempts to touch you inappropriately.  Keeping to his demands that what was to be between you, had to be non-sexual. Stopping your innocent attempts to understand, when he spoke again.  The growl in the depth of his silken purr making you forget anything but what he said as he pulled you close again and whispered in your ear.      

“No baby-girl, it is entirely you; the way your body responds when you call me your daddy.”     


	8. Breathe into me a weak excuse

Nothing much altered after that night; not between you two at least.  Just the addition of a small but lushly padded bed; bolted to the floor in the room that had previously been General Hux’s office.  A direct refusal to have you moved from his rooms.  The desk had completely gone; replaced with a small cupboard and a wardrobe and flippant assurances that he only needed one office.  It had been a soothing balm, your deepest fear.  You had no longer the need to worry that he would decide you had been too much trouble, and to exile you to another set of rooms.  Or worse still, have you completely removed from his ship.  The repurposing of his office, had been too drastic, to assume this was anything temporary. 

The bed itself was the biggest change for you; one that had you grinning despite the pain to your battered and slowly healing face.  A metal frame, topped with a thick mattress and coved in a mound of pillows and blankets.  It was a luxury you could have only dreamt of in your wildest dreams, asleep on the cold packed mud floor of the former slave hut.  There you had never even so much as owned your own cover; let alone a bed and he had gifted you an entire room to yourself. 

He was proud to show you what he had done for you.  Talking you through everything as though caring for you was of utmost importance to you.  You, a young lady had certain needs; and General Hux informed you he would be taking each of them seriously.  Once your reading was at an acceptable level more skills would follow; those that would allow him to show you to society.

“It is not my intention to leave you hidden in my rooms flower; but you need to be taken seriously when I introduce you to others.”

You had nodded; though not really understood his concern.  Leaving his rooms had so far, only proved to be a dangerous thing to do.  Why wouldn’t you want to remain hidden in here; it was safe, and now that you had blankets even cosy.  He could leave you here indefinitely for all you cared. 

There were even changes to the refresher; though you were advised these were incomplete.  He had promised to add a door directly from your room to it, and he apologised that it hadn’t been done yet.  But showing you to an additional cabinet bolted to the wall. 

“This one is yours, more suitable soaps so you smell a little less like I do.  Anything you need adding let me know and I will have it stocked.”

You looked amongst the supplies.  Realising that General Hux had thought of everything; there were even disposable supplies for your monthly menses.  Something you had had to ‘just cope with’ under the Yuuzhan Vong.  Your only regret was that the soaps he had picked were definitely femininely scented; they would leave you smelling less like him.  You would miss that. The familiar scents in his toiletries, had let you carry a little of him on you though out the day.  Now you would be expected to smell a little different; more like the young lady he was trying to mould you into. 

“Dr Amara suggested one or two items I may have forgotten; I do hope you two learn to get on.”

He added that he wanted you both to be amicable, as though it was a little after though.  Not giving any hints as to if he knew what she had said to you.  It made it hard not to want to scowl and churlishly demand everything she had added was removed from the laid supplies.  Kylo Ren had been very right; General Hux was certainly not thinking with his head around you both.  Especially if he expected you both to get along.  You hated that woman; and not just for the nastiness she had shown you.  But the possessive way she looked at your General Hux, the small touches that you resented her placing on his body.  To have laid protest at any help he gave her, for your benefit; would be considered rude; and would suggest you were ungrateful for the efforts that he had made.  He was much too proud of his gift to you, that any show of rejection would sour it for him and you had no intentions of leaving her one up on you.  Not only that, but the years of self-preservation you had endured, had taught you to be careful.  Simply put she breathed an aura of death and destruction; that unlike others you had met was personal to you.

Instead when you were alone, you could take what you were permitted from him.  Knowing it was far more overt a gesture, in a way she would never be permitted.  Pressing your smaller body against his, and wrapping your arms around him in thanks for the bedroom; you made sure to kiss his cheek. 

The kiss he pressed in answer to your slowly mending cheek, was perhaps a show of remorse for the severity of your injury as much as his way of reaching out to you.  Meant to comfort you, it had instead aggravated your injury; something that you put up with.  You were sure that he didn’t kiss her goodnight.  Or tuck her into her bed, and fondly stroke her hair.  From what you had seen of their interactions there had been no show of affection or care.  Not as he did you; their arrangement might have been more physical. But you knew no matter what he came home to these rooms each night.  He took you to bed, tucking you in and bidding you goodnight.  Lashes falling, as he too closed his eyes; before you buried your head in the crook of his neck. 

But in the darkness of your bedroom and alone, it was harder to be so optimistic.  You took the throbbing that laying down awoke in your cheek, a painful and foolish reminder of why you had felt the need to run in the first place.  General Hux was either lying to himself or an idiot, if he ever thought you would get on with that woman; or that she would you.  Naïve to the ways of men, as you were; you were not devoid of those of women; but not of why he wanted her and not you.  You would never replace her; though you wished that General Hux would just get rid of her.  Sighing into the darkness, you resolved that for the affection you held for him, you would try and be civil in front of him.  Anything was better than losing him.

She didn’t like you, and your one consoling thought to all of her nastiness to you, was that she was in some way jealous of you. Which was in the thick, choking dark of your lonely room; laughable.  She shared a part of him, that slowly waking to the need in yourself; you were bitterly jealous of her for.       How much more threatened by you; was she now?  Now that she knew he had not kicked you out of his quarters; that despite her advice and polite instance, that he really did intend to keep you?  How would she deal with you? 

Dr Amara was everything that you were not; and you could see why a man like General Hux would want her at his side.  Older and far more sophisticated than you were, she oozed wealth and breeding.  She would never have to admit to anyone that she was an illiterate slave, with no education or family.  She was poised and beautiful in a way that you would never be able to compete with.  So why did feel threatened by you? Her cosmetics and hair care probably cost more in a month than it did to feed you.  Everyone you had met, had carried an aura of danger around them. But whereas most simply whispered closeted hints of it in the surroundings around you; she screamed loudly of it and mainly to you.  You were a threat to her; and like a beautiful but venomous serpent; she was always assessing you for a weakness.

The following morning, had been the first time you had a choice of what to wear.  Granted your options were identical copies of the same rank-less uniform General Hux had given you.  But you of all people, actually owned clothing now and could pick out which black tunic and trousers to wear.  Carrying them with you to the shower; you were careful to use the supplies he had left you. 

But even more careful when you washed your face.  Wincing as you patted it dry and looked in a mirror.  The only way to describe the mess that was your face, was ugly.  The entire left side was a swollen mess and too painful to touch.  The water stung when you wet the cuts, and anything more than a feather light touch made you yelp in pain.  Tying back your hair didn’t improve your look, and it made the pain worse.  A mess of reds and purples painted, the right side of your face a motley patchwork of different coloured flesh.  The lacerations had thankfully scabbed over, criss-crossing the heavy bruises and lay in angry curves across your face.  It was hard to look at it; now not only was Dr Amara better than you; her face was still pretty. Wincing you tore the elastic from your hair; you didn’t want to look like her anyway.  Combing your hair and laying it over your shoulders; you looked again

Your heart sank; especially when you thought of him seeing you like this.  You couldn’t let him see you like this!  But then neither could you disappoint him by not going to your lessons.  There had to be a solution; but you were coming up with nothing and you could hear him outside.

“(Y/n) are you in there?”

The knock at the door, sent you into a blind panic.  Re-combing through your damp hair you pulled it over your face.  Tucking your chin down low, to hide yourself from him, as you opened the door to him just a sliver.

“I will be later back this evening, but if you can wait up for me; I will bring a late supper back.”

You nodded; adding a verbal yes, but refused to look up at him or open the partition door any wider.  Hiding your face behind a curtain of hair and keeping your face angled downwards.  Concentrating on the light reflected off his perfectly polished boots; as you keep yourself in shadows.  Waiting for him to go to work.  To leave so that he would not have to look at you; re-locking yourself in the refresher.  Coming out only when he had left, and it was safe to look for something; your search called to an abrupt halt when door chimes signalled your tutor. 

You did not dare waste your allocated time with the tutor droid, by keeping looking for a scarf or something to hide your face with.  Not that you had much time for such vain worries whilst you were learning, or that the droid was sentient enough to realise your battered face was anything concerning.  Programmed to teach, it just did that; the model of First Order efficacy in its purpose.  No idle chit-chat; just the usual programme of learning.    

You did your best to do well for him. Though the lesson on a correctly written letter; did bring back memories of the stupid note you had written him.  Dr Amara had been right.  It had been a childish note, and it was stupid to have attempted it, thinking that he would be pleased.  He was an adult, and so was she; you could not imagine her acting in such a stupidly sentimental way; or him wanting it.  Perhaps you should take a leaf from her book.  Perhaps he would prefer you, if you were more grown up and sophisticated in your actions towards her.  Maybe if you were the perfect First Order supporter; if you were good enough he wouldn’t want her.  Maybe then he would kiss you.  

He had said you were physically too young for him, implying not just that he was too old to be your first kiss but it was morally wrong too.  It was more likely, now.  Perhaps you were just too plain; if you were then, now with your face you had no chance.  He had been worried that it shouldn’t scar; what if it did?  Experience had taught you marked slaves sold for less; marked women must be the same; would a scar make you completely un-kissable?

The rest of the days lesson went badly; and for the first time ever you were grateful that it was over.  Remembering to bid the droid a polite goodbye, as it fussed over you. Even the droid had noticed there was something wrong; though not what.  Asking if you were unwell.  Did you need to report to the medibay; or should he fetch General Hux. 

Eventually you had convinced the tutor droid that you were okay, noticing that it never mentioned your face.  Promising him it was just an off day, and you would do better tomorrow.  Lying to yourself in false assurance of that too, as you huddled under your coverlets.  The time dragging as you waited out the evening.  Hiding your face and your tears in the dark; and wondering what had kept him late. 

A sinking sense of reasoning that weighted in your stomach, reminded yourself that you only had yourself to blame for this mess.  You had run from him again, leaving yourself vulnerable and open to attack.  There was a poetic sense of irony in it all, your only comfort, was that he hadn’t yet insisted on his promised punishment the next time you disobeyed him.  At least your ass didn’t throb like your face.

Just as there was no night and day in space; there were not the grey areas that denoted the passing’s of each.  Perhaps you dozed, or maybe you just spent all evening cursing your stupid actions.  But eventually evening came, and with it the sounds of General Hux’s arrival home and the dread understanding that you didn’t want him to look at you.  You didn’t want him to see how ugly you looked. 

At first, he just yelled for you. Then when you didn’t answer he came looking for you. Switching on the light and just waiting, whilst you lay still on your back; pretending that you were still asleep.

“I know you are not asleep; and I also know that today has not gone well for you.  What is the matter; I thought you liked learning to read?”

For all he was concerned, there was still a sharp edge to his voice that warned you not to mess about.  He had foregone the niceties such as polite greetings, to get straight to the point.  A point you would not and could not bring yourself to get up and answer.  Perhaps if you ignored him, he would go away; you could be hungry for one night.  Sure, there would of course be repercussions; but hopefully they could wait too.  At least until you were not this ashamed to look at him. 

There was not a single warning that he was about to move, just a frustrated and loud sigh.  It was the briefest of pauses before sprang for the bed, and peeled back the covers.  Exposing your body to the cooler room and before you could hide form him; your face.  He had tenderly cupped your face in his hand whilst you still laid out on the bed under him.  His eyes soft and sorrowful as he let his gaze slide over your face.  His seated bottom at your hip as he held the right side of it.  Tilting you to look at him; preventing you from hiding from him.  Swallowing before, clearing his throat to speak.

“I have dealt with the man who did this personally.”

Your eyes widened at the word personally. As much as the realisation that for all he had never raised his fist; he still held himself accountable.  Whatever had happened to that stormtrooper had not been good.  It carried with it a sense of finality, that Hux had been only too pleased to see dealt to him, and that you did not want to know of.        

“It should never have happened; it will not again.  I will punish you for wrong doings; but never like this, and **_never_** just for cruelties sake.”

A quiet okay was all you could manage.  His eyes roaming the mess of your face as you dipped your chin against his palm.  For all he showed a formal and reserved speech pattern; there was remorse and anger behind the steel cold blue of his eyes.  Mouth parted you licked your lips.  Unaware of what you wanted; but knowing it was something.  His hand had yet to leave your cheek, his thumb stroking your unblemished cheek bone.  The way he had spat never though, left you under no illusions about how distasteful he found your face.  Making your mouth pull into a sad line; at the realisation that he was unaccepting of it; that you didn’t know where that left you if it did.  Tucking your lips between your teeth, to think on what would happen if it did scar; taking time to think on how you would feel if he answered that question.

“Sweetheart?”

You hadn’t realised your eyes had looked away from him.  But his voice as always demanded your attention.  You nodded; your throat too thick to answer him verbally.  The shame in knowing you were less than perfect too raw on your confidence as he looked over your face.  Tutting, before a quick grab at your middle lifted you effortlessly onto his lap.

There was always far more strength under his slight frame than there looked; and the shocked noise you gave was muffled by a slight chuckle whilst he adjusted you on his lap.

“Now, what is wrong; tell daddy.”

Sat out on his lap you were reminded of your slip up last night; of how it had changed everything, but nothing.  Even more so when he taunted you; by calling himself it.  But it tightened something in your stomach, that made your heart thud against the walls of your chest.  Giving you the strength to speak.  How could you not think this; especially this close to the obvious reason why he was late home.  He stank of whiskey and worse, of her too.  You could smell it on his tunic as he hugged you, an overpowering cloying smell of her perfume.  It was crass; and you hated it. Hated that after yesterday he had still gone to see her.  How could he, after how she had hurt you? 

“Am I ugly?”

“Certainly not; why ever would you think so!?”

There wasn’t a hint that he had thought about your question.  Just an abject denial; one that it was hard to accept when you were so poignantly reminded who he had been with tonight; why he was late home.  Instinctively you had stared to dig yourself under his greatcoat; to practically rub yourself on him.  To be honest you didn’t entirely know why that was so important to do it.  Or even that you were doing it; just that the smell made your stomach sink more than the time without him.     Just that you were unknowingly desperate to try and to replace her foul stench, with your own.   

“What is this all about?”

He pinched your chin, and you narrowed your eyes in answer as he made you look at him.  His own narrowing in answer as he waited for you to speak.  Your answer though shocked even you; you had not thought you would be so stupidly honest about her. 

“I don’t like Dr Amara; she was mean to me.”

His brows raised, and you could tell he was uncomfortable.  It would have been hard not to understand why, you had after all insulted his girlfriend.  You shifted nervously on his lap; waiting for both his verdict and your displacement.  He had told you before to be honest, but you suspected this was something he would have rather you lied to him about.  There was a sigh; and then he answered, his following breath like his voice; terse. 

“I don’t think she likes you either.  But that is beside the point, I cut short the meeting to eat with you, and the food is getting cold.”

His deliberate change of subject, was finite; there was to be no further discussion.  Just the sickly knowledge that he deemed her too important to cut out of his life clung to your soul like treacle.  Your shocked reply was the opposite to his nonchalant calmness. You sure as hell were not going for food now. 

“Why, what have I ever done to her?”

Shaking your head, whilst he walked away from you; his actions for the first time ever, callus towards you. The thought of him justifying your mutual feelings of one another like this; twisting your insides into a series of knots.  A bubbling sensation that made you feel both ill and cross at the same time.  You supposed a part of it mattered, because you had done nothing wrong, and she had been cruel to you.  Her unkindness was unwarranted; and that was hard to forgive; just as it was becoming hard to accept the casual way he was rationalising his refusal to pick a side.

“The point is, that I have done nothing wrong to her. She was needlessly unkind to me and you let her.”

Your hands were curled fists at your sides, and you had raised your voice; your breath coming in fast angry bursts.  You waited, but there was no answer.  Just the infuriating clack of cutlery as he laid it out on his table; his instance that he would not be discussing it further. 

Growing bold, you moved to watch him from the door. Snarling at the slow deliberate way he laid out two place settings. 

“I am not hungry.”

“Stop being petulant; (y/n).”

He hadn’t even bothered to look at you; just continued as thought you were being the unreasonable one.  It was too much; first he allowed her to degrade your attempts to better yourself; and now he brushed them aside as though they were nothing.  You hated her, hated that she had this hold on him.  What did she do that you couldn’t?  The door was slammed shut, before you realised you had pulled it across from the recess.  Next came your socks and your trousers. Throwing your outer clothes into a pile by the door; a pile that his feet tangled in as he came through that door.  Almost tripping himself up in an effort to get to you; righting himself by grasping the wall and kicking the offending items away from him.  He was cross; and perhaps he had a right to be for your rudeness; but not when he was the cause of it.

“Go away!”

The desperation in your voice shocked you as much as the sudden shedding of tears.  You were stood in only your panties and the vest under layer; your arms wrapped around yourself for comfort.  Vulnerable and cold perhaps that was what stilled his foot falls.

“Just go away, and back to her.  It’s not my fault she’s pretty, and educated.  Not ugly and thick like me.”

His face had crumpled.  Taking with it his anger and his shock at your tears.  His voice less flippant; almost as though he was suddenly reminded that you had feelings. 

“You are far from ugly; and whilst it is true Amara has an education and you don’t it does not make you stupid.”

You sniffed; sitting back on the edge of the bed as he spoke.  Dragging your back to the wall and your knees up to your chest.  Balancing the uninjured parts of your face on your bent knees as you tucked yourself into the space between.  Trying to make the world somehow smaller; safer again.

“Then why don’t you want me.”

You didn’t want to know that answer; not really.  But you were so bent on your own destruction that you foolishly asked him.  Not really expecting any comfort in the answer.  Or for him to kneel down at the edge of your bed and curl his face down to look at you. 

“Want has nothing to do with it kitten. I cannot have you.”

Your hair had formed a shield between you both.  One which be brushed aside to, tuck behind your ears; ensuring you could not hide from him.

“Why because you love her and not me?”

He sighed and you chanced at look.  Ducking your eyes when you saw the hesitance in his.  This was the bit that had to hurt; this was where he ripped your heart out.

“Dr Amara and I have an arrangement of a carnal nature.  There is certainly no love; nor any such similar sentiment; nor any plans on my behalf to make it so.”

He had risen from his heels; to bend his forehead against yours.  His height making bringing you almost even with one another, so he only had to look down, rather than dip his chin to you.  Sniffling, you scrambled to offer up promises; anything to make him reconsider.  Your voice was timid; and despite the gentle laugh in his voice he was not unkind as he shook his head. That stung the worst.  Ripping your beating heart from your chest to leave it spread pulsing and dying on your chest.  To be able to change, to have hope that you could mould yourself to fit in, was one thing.  But to be told there was nothing you could do, left you numb; a weariness in your bones that made you want to rip them out.  Making your voice a flat, unemotional echo of his own.

“Why keep me then if you don’t want me. What do you feel for me General if you feel nothing for her; how much less do you feel for me?”

Hands reached to pull you suddenly towards him.  A sharp jolt that made you both worry he would hurt you; and hope that he would go back on his word not to kiss you. His sigh was utter defeat; though you didn’t hear it until he spoke.  His eyes darkening, as he looked down at you; and his face flushed. 

“I have allowed myself a sentimental attachment to you, one that I know I should not for your sake permit.”

Your stomach dropped and then exploded into butterflies when you heard it within his evasion.  His true meaning; just as Ren had warned you, that you could.  Nodding, you wrapped your arms around him.  Because you sure as hell understood what he meant by sentiment.  He meant that he knew that he was falling for you; and worse still we was allowing it to happen. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry to anyone who thought he was ready to let go yet. It is coming and so is payback.


	9. Torn and repaired..

A month later, and you had become more fluent in your reading and writing than a credit-less slave ever could have dreamed of.  Enough to be silently practicing your reading next to him.  Sat almost leant up against him, whilst he worked this evening late into the night.  Switching through a plethora of data pads.  Each placed in a neat line on the coffee table opposite him when not being scrutinized by his scowling stares.  Sighing periodically and sipping from a large tumbler of whiskey; one of the few luxuries he permitted himself. 

A large beaker of fruit juice was laid out for you, next to a plate of cookies.  Whilst he refused to eat the sugary snack, it was touching to know that he stocked such things.  Both that and the juice was something you knew that he would never kept stocked his quarters before you arrived.        

Your newfound ability seemed to carry with it both blessings and curses.  The blessing being that he had smiled and called you his good girl with every passing milestone; amazed that you surpassed his expectations.  The curse being that different lessons had been added; one that you met with very mixed opinions of. 

Some, you could understand the point of; such as basic astronomy and the history of the civilised galaxy.  You knew nothing of your wider world, and lapped up every tiny bit of information.  Pleasing him; especially when he commended you on a small fact; his voice turning that of a proud parent.  Or patiently explaining, when you asked him to explain a historical event the droid had not. 

Better yet, he loved to explain the history of his Order.  There would be a small turn to the corners of his lips, when you sat and listened to him cheerfully telling you how the Empire had better worked, to bring order to the Galaxy.  Or how Emperor Palaptine had worked to stop the warring Separatist and put an end to the greedy Trade-federation.  Brining equality, and feeding starving planets.  He would have lengthy conversations with you.  Tolerantly explaining concepts that you did not quite understand; never tiring until you had grasped it.     

Others intrigued you on a more personal level; such as philosophy and culture.  You enjoyed these; and could understand General Hux’s assurances that all knowledge was worth having.  For all you would scowl at some of the quainter traditions; living with other humanoid races had taught you the importance of understanding their traditions.  That even if they seemed odd to you, or incorrect in their patterns; that this did not make them wrong.  Merely different, and interesting.  General Hux and assured you, that providing they did you no harm; it seemed that it was always best to follow them.  It was never good for a young lady to appear rude; but you were not to listen to more archaic traditions.  Especially if any assumptions were made on something stupid, such as your sex or parentage. 

“I know personally of a small kitchen boy, who with the right education rose to the tops of the First Order.”

Your brows had shot up at that; though there was to be little conversation on that.  Nor any on the other stories of those within the organisation, who had come from humble beginnings.  Backed up by small hints about his past, spoken as though he had been someone else.  That the small boy who had been told off for scraping his knee chasing a cat, or for spilling drinks down his freshly laundered tunics.  It would have been easy had you not the skills you had, for the pretence that it had not been him he spoke of to be believable. 

  It seemed to be that whilst there were rewards for those with determination; there seemed to be none for those who looked back.    

The third types of lessons were the real problem.  They seemed the most infrequent in both planning and structure.  Simply given as and when General Hux decided you required instruction.  You already thought you knew how to curtsy, and to politely beg someone’s pardon when you did wrong.  After all, you had spent plenty enough time on your knees; kowtowing to a supposedly superior race, that you would have thought you had gotten it right. 

But no, your form and posture had been all wrong!  These could not come from a droid, but mainly from him a man whom you were to find; not only commanded a ship, but was from a class of a society too rich to even consider using slaves.  You gathered that it had been the General’s first attempt to teach such lessons.  Beginning the night when you thought it would be funny to mock bow in greeting to him.  He who had taught you how to do that correctly; before realising there were more lessons to teach you.  All subsequent lessons of that ilk, then came in dribs and drabs.  All of them apparently for your benefit.  All of them falsely promising a time when you would be expected to leave him; and assurances you would be better placed in society for them.

You had refused to listen to the assurances that General Hux was adamant would happen.  Or the reassurances that when it did you were to be given no social disadvantages.  Reinforcing his view that your future was never to be found fighting on the battlefield for him.  There were gentle reminders to sit straighter whilst reading aloud to him in the early evenings.  Or an additional silver or glass wear setting at the occasional meal times.  Or worse a correction in your deportment; or a command to rephrase a or spoken comment. 

Of course, you liked the intimacy and time he spent on these lessons alone with you.  Though he was no idiot to the way you drew a sharp breath.  Sometimes when he physically man-handled you into a better position, your breathing would quicken.  Whilst something inside you would beg for something you couldn’t quite name yet; but from the set of his jaw you suspected he could had you asked him. 

But the grimace he pulled when time after time you got the rare thing wrong, was disconcerting.  For all you liked the time together, and were careful not to abuse the generosity of the extra time.  The lessons, often impromptu and brief.  They were always spent only with you, and never ending until you understood what was to be learnt; regardless of his work load.  But General Hux was no idiot, he would have easily guessed if you were not really struggling; and you knew he would not have stood for it.  Your only condolence was that these took up so little of your time; that you couldn’t be that much of a disappointment to him.  You did your best, but it was knowing that it kept him from her; that really made you try.  For all it was practically in your nature to want to please him, that was the best part of it.  Time alone with you, was time he could not spend with her. 

For all it was sporadic, you knew he still went to her; and that he made no show of hiding it from you.  Even as rarely as he seemed to seek her company, you knew it was something he refused to cut from his life.  You also knew what whilst he refused to tell you; that he did it in a futile attempt to keep you at bay. 

He hadn’t guessed, and Kylo Ren had not told him that you understood his intentions regardless of what he said.  Already you had begun counting the lies in his words; especially when you were assured he would expect to you leave him one day.  Something in that was a lie as much to himself as to you; even off this ship he would not entirely leave your life.  For all he claimed your back ground did not matter, your lack of any social standing must have played into it.  You listened to him talk, recognising the same clipped accent used by Dr Amara.  They were of a similar breed you decided long ago.  You believed him then.  Especially when he pushed you too far, or shouted because you had clung too tightly to him before he left for an evening’s soiree. 

But you could also hear the truth when he said he could not have you; but not his reasons.  These he did not wholly discuss, beyond telling you that he was a bad man and had made certain sacrifices for the greater good.  This had confused you.  Given how kind he was to you, you just could not understand how he could possibly be a bad man.  Or when he would return later; gentle and apologetic that he had ever hurt you.  Pulling you onto his lap and feeding you pilfered cake.  Allowing you both to drop crumbs on him; and to push small nibbles of it into his mouth.  Watching you push your pastry smeared fingers into your mouth to clean off.  His eyes drawn to the curve of your mouth around the digit; leaving him with a hungry glint to his eyes that you didn’t wholly understand but liked all the same.  Or better yet when he would run his tongue over a sticky thumb, leaving an electrified tingle behind in the wake of his touch.  Yes, he had recognised how your body reacted when you called him daddy. But had he realised that for all you didn’t know how to push for it, you knew how his did too? 

Perhaps someone who had grown up amongst other humans would have pushed for more; you were certainly sure whatever it was he would have crumpled.  But you respected his wishes, and for now it was enough.  Although he was still refusing to allow you anything more; you could cope inside of these rooms.  Perhaps it was just your naivety for not knowing what you missed.  Yet for all it was painful to know that he wouldn’t pursue something physical with you.  Simply knowing that you had him in a way no other did made your heart race with excitement and your cheeks flush a pretty shade of pink for him.  In the precious moments alone with him; when he was your daddy and nothing more. He was entirely yours.

\--

“Sweetheart.”

You blinked and straightened your legs to sit up.  Putting down the data pad you were reading from, to look at him.  For all you knew how he wanted you to sit in public, he still conceded that when alone you could huddle against him.  Small measures of comfort, that for all he protested they were all about you; they were just as much for him too.

“I have to go away for a few days.”

You frowned, biting on the inside of your cheek in worry.  He had never left you alone on his ship, not really.  Given there were stretches at first when he was barely at home and he ship was vast.  It could feel like he had been gone for days sometimes.  But not since he had fetched you here had he left you entirely alone; he had never left the ship without you.

“How long is a few days?”

Your voice was timid and small, reflecting everything you felt inside.  He had to be able to hear both the trepidation and dismay in it; you didn’t want him to go anywhere.  You didn’t want to be left here without him; you would be incredibly lonely and unsure.  Drawing in a deep breath he sighed and leant forwards to put down the whiskey tumbler.  Tilting in the chair to look at you, and tucking his fingers under the curve of your chin, tilting your face to him. 

“Three days, and you will not be alone.  There will be officers checking up on you.”

Was he really as reluctant to go as he sounded?  You fervently hoped it was so.  That would have made something about it all good.  You wanted him to miss you; like you would him.

Whilst it was good that he cared enough to ensure you would be looked after in his absence.  There was still that niggling little worry that grew with your panic, threatening to make you sick.  Who would he ask to watch out for you whilst he was away?  He had let Her help him out with your belongings; what if he let her help him out by watching over you.

“Who will?”

For all General Hux had told you time and time again, that it was rude to cut someone off whilst they were talking; he did so now.  Cutting through your concerns in a way that was not meant to dismiss your worries; more to comfort you before they grew any larger.  To let you know that he was one step ahead of you; that he already knew your concerns.

“Nenya, the female officer you met on Cadannia will be in charge.  But an assistant; a male cadet-officer known as T’ulke will be doing the running.”

You nodded.  You already knew Nenya, for all you did not already know her name; and you trusted her honesty.  She had seen what you had not; her advice had been kindly met and without malice or pretence.  T’ulke, you were not sure on; but you doubted Nenya would send anyone unpleasant to deal with you.  In all honesty though, you were just pleased that he was not sending her. 

“So not Dr Amara?”

The sideways glance he shot you was humorous, and for all he kept his voice droll with sarcasm. There was an actual worry for you, in his supposedly mocked concern.  

“No not Dr Amara.  I think given your history with her; it would be a very unwise paring.  I would like to return to at least one of you still alive.”

“So you recon that I could take her?”

You sat straighter. Your chest puffed forwards; though it was all a deliberate attempt to amuse him.  You had of course killed before, but that had been an accident; and the Yuuzhan Vong had been intoxicated on a mix of moonshine and spice.  For all you had never told General Hux what you had done, you still did not really think you could do it; but you could dream.  In answer, there was a sigh of mock exhaustion.  Making you suspect strongly that this was a topic he may have already had lengthy discussions on with his Doctor.       

“I think that whilst it is entirely possible that you could give as good as you got; be careful.  In the many years that I have known her; Dr Amara has proven herself time and time again, to be a very dangerous and tenacious woman.  Something that you would do well to remember before you act on anything.  Do not threaten her.”

A cold shiver ran your spine, making you less sure of your previous frivolity.  Was this why the two of you had not encountered each other since the day you had been assaulted.  Because you were to be kept from threatening her?  General Hux had already told you that she was not a push over; she was a trained soldier; how could she view you as a threat?  Yes, your very existence in these quarters; a place where she wanted to be, threatened her stability with Hux.  But he had been so open and honest about what she meant to him, that you couldn’t see her thinking she had a future with him.  One thing you had learnt, was that General Hux did not knowingly lie.  Dr Amara could not be under any illusions that there was a future. 

Shrugging, you tried to brush off your newfound fear of her.  Pretending that you had not come to that realisation; without openly lying about the fear you really felt.  It seemed to work. General Hux picking up his datapad and re-continuing the work he had been so busy with.  Whilst you pretended to re-continue with your reading.  Listening to the little hums and gurgles of the ships heating system; another thing he had changed for your comfort in his quarters.  Counting the whooshing of gasses through pipes, and thuds in the distance as a way to calm yourself.  Something else was bothering you; something that you could not place, but seemed to grow heavier with each passing moment.  Leaving a lead weight churning like soured nerf-milk, in your stomach.  There was something he wasn’t telling you; a part of his absence that he felt he needed hiding from you. 

Under his absentminded scrutiny; you pretended to work.  All the while trying to place the pieces of the puzzle together.  What ever it was, he was not hiding it to be cruel; but mistakenly trying to be kind and not worry you.  Puzzled, you tried to work out which bit didn’t fit.  Blind white-hot fury hitting you when you got it.  All the blood draining from your face as you realised, leaving you shaky with dread.

“She’s going off ship with you; isn’t she?  Dr Amara will be with you!”

Why you asked it as a question, you were not wholly sure; perhaps it was a way of keeping your tone civil.  But it made sense now you had spoken it.  There was no way, that with that level of concern; he would leave you on this ship with her.  What he really did fear, was your safety around her.  Why then was she so important that he had to keep her then; why keep going back to her.  His mouth opened as thought to speak; then he closed it. 

You were not sure if there was an answer to be had from him; and if there was, you sure were not sticking around to hear him.  Nothing he could say would make it okay to be going away with her.  Throwing the data pad at him, you ran to the room; not looking to see if it had hit its mark before slamming the sliding-door closed. 

There was no lock.  Even had there been one, using it would have been a pointless exercise. This was his ship; there was nothing he could not override.  It came as a shock then, though not an entirely unwelcome one; that he did not try.  Merely hovered outside your door; pattering his feet as he nervously tapped.

“Kitten; this is my work; hers too.  The Stormtrooper programme is malfunctioning.  I am not leaving with her; more that she too is needed for the assessment.”

You didn’t answer; ignoring his polite plea to open the door.  Instead covering your head when begging morphed into a louder and firmer; but unbacked order to listen to him.  Tucking yourself under the pillows and pulling the blanket over your head.  If he really wanted in; he could force the door open.  It was hardly as though there was a lock on the door to keep him out; just a basic assumed politeness that this was your personal shape.  Asking for a lock of any sort aboard his ship would have been pointless; he could override any of them. 

Almost to your dismay, he didn’t though.  There was another knock; and then he ceased trying to get you attention.  Leaving you to the solitude of your self-made cage; and the understanding that she provided a service you could not.  Listening well past your allocated sleep time to the small noises he made whilst working.  Leaving you to sulk, alone in your bed as he worked late; occasionally taking holo-conferences and calls in a hushed voice.  Acutely aware that you hated her as much as you did this entire set up.  What you did not want to address, was that he was being reasonable.  For all she was his playmate, she was first and foremost a workmate and he was the model of professionalism.  It was perfectly acceptable and at times necessary for him to need to engage with her in his professional capacity.  It was you being both stupid, and unreasonable by expecting that this would not at some point happen.  You should have known that a day like this was coming along time ago.

\-- 

The late night meant that unlike General Hux, you slept late.  So much, much more contrite, you woke almost to silence.  There were no sounds of his morning routine. Or the smell of caff mixed with those of your own breakfast.  Rolling directly from your pit to the floor; you began to gather up your supplies for a shower.  Your head aching from the crying, and your stiff limbs still covered in your creased and rumpled work clothes. 

You knew before you left the bedroom, that there would still be food on the table; he unlike you was not petty.  Even the plate and beaker were still laid out for you.  Leaving the ghost of a half-smile on your lips.  Despite your behaviour last night; he still cared enough to ensure you were looked after.  In those containers the food, would be kept warm indefinitely by the pots.  But even through all of this care, you were still hurting.  You were less concerned that he was still cross with you, and more how long the food had been there.  This was all too orderly, you knew he had prepared all of this before he had left.

But it meant that he was already gone from the apartment; and that meant the ship too.  He had left you without waking you to say goodbye.  Perhaps despite the food, he was still cross at you.  You had disappointed him with your actions.  Worse still; you had stupidly managed to do that just before he was away with her; meaning he had her for comfort.  She had won this little fight. 

Taking just a single sip of juice from the lidded beaker, you decided that today was a wash out.  Carrying the beaker, as you decided you were going back to your bed.  You knew from the chronometer that the tutor droid, if he was coming should have been here over two full hours ago.  Even General Hux had seen fit to call today off for you.    

Placing the juice on the bedside cabinet, you climbed into bed.  Pulling your blankets around yourself and turning over onto your side.  Tucking your hand under then pillow, and laying your head on your arm.  Rooting around under your pillow, fluffing it to get comfortable.

It was a struggle given your morose and uneasy temperament and your fingertips brushed over something, making you scowl.  Lips pursing in question as you began to dig it out to see what it was.  Sensing a tiny but definitely foreign object; at the tip of your fingers.  Something that seemed to have somehow slipped under your pillow.

You had never seen proper paper.  Your only understanding of paper so far had only been the thick labels on the food containers.  Like the lid you written the small and childish note to Hux; the one you now blushed to think you had been so infantile in wanting to give him.  This was almost a luxuriously buttery cream in colour, and although hard was still soft and yielding to touch. 

It was small and folded neatly in a precise half, the script flowing and almost elaborate.  The owner had written it quickly, though it was nothing at all like your slow but rough sprawling attempts at aurebesh.          

_**I am sorry baby-girl.** _

_**\- Daddy** _

You held it in your hands, reading over it again and again.  Tracing your fingers over the aurebesh runes, and giving it a little simile as your heart fluttered.  Warmth expelling from it, its firmly kept anxiety.  He had been into your room; creeping in whilst you slept.  Taking the time to tuck the note under your pillow, and without disturbing your sleep slipping out again. 

It was confusing.  Just another admittance that he really did take the time to think of you.  That unlike others, even your emotional wellbeing was important to him.  But equally as taunting that it left you frustrated that he sought to leave it just at that.  That you mattered so much to him, but that one day he would expect you to leave him.  That this warmth and security that he instilled in you, was only ever to be temporary. 

Biting your lip, you decided to give that no more thought.  Especially when the door chime rang, and a polite voice barked out a name before footsteps led him into your room. 


	10. just to endure it all again

His own you guessed, when you nervously peeked around the door to check on your intruder.   

He was young; though older than you.  Still the only officer you had seen that was roughly your own age.  Short cropped, but curly black hair and eyes so blue, they were almost violet in hue stared over at you.  Realising his rudeness, he quickly pulled off his cap.   politely introducing himself to you again.  His voice almost a stiff carbon copy of your General Hux; his mannerisms just as closeted and correct. 

“You must be (y/n); I am T’ulke.”

He held out a gloved hand in a greeting.  One that General Hux had not yet explained to you how to correctly reciprocate.  Leaving you unsure what to expect as tentatively you reached out own hand out towards him.  Not wanting to look rude, but sure this was what was supposed to happen.  Pleased and very relieved, when he bridged the gap and took charge of your hesitance. Taking your hand in his, and giving it a brief shake as he smiled disarmingly at you.

“The General said, to expect this.”

That he was not that much older than yourself; perhaps was why you felt easier about scowling at his comment.  You had decided to demand of him what he meant, readying the scorn you wanted to place into your voice to demand answers.  Stopped when the man’s own nervousness made him break form and putting his hands up defensively.

“Not like that; he meant that you didn’t necessarily understand some things.  He meant for me to show you if needed, not to upset you.  He was very firm about that.”    

His manners were not what you were used to.  Almost nervous; for all he was a First Order officer.  But this was just fear of your General Hux, you then realised; amazed that the ship feared the man you could disarm with a smile.   T’ulke seemed almost as nervous of you as your daddy, and you watching him shyly.  The stiffness in his movement that showed an anxious need to please, as he carried ready plated food from the kitchenette.  Placing them on the small table, you were sat ready in front of. 

“General Hux also said that I was to eat with you and to spend a portion of my spare time with you each day.  He was worried about you being lonely; and I am to be made available should you need me for anything else.  I hope you like groat chop stir fry.”

Your heart beat a pleasant tempo at realising that the General really did care for you; and that for all his stiffness he would take care of you.  That for all his refusals to allow him to take anything emotional from you; all of this was too thoughtful for him not to be thinking about you from wherever he was.

“Thank you T’ulke.”

He flushed in pleasure that you had accepted his offering.  Whilst you added that you didn’t know if you liked groat; you had never eaten it before.  Or the stir-fried vegetables for that matter, smiling in thanks as he handed over small wooden stick and a fork.  Pushing aside a few random objects on the table to put the plate down.

“Chop-sticks.  You use them like this.”

He showed you how to use them, openly laughing when you dropped one.  Then quickly professing how impressed he was when you manged them on the second attempt.  His banter with you was free and easy now the informal greetings were dispensed; and you discovered that when he laughed at your mistakes there was no nastiness in it.  He also permitted the same from you; when he tripped carrying desert; a luxury that General Hux did not always permit you to have.

“Honey and mixed seed cake; I made it myself.”

Amongst the slaves there had been very little opportunities to converse or to show any comradery.  But it had been there and handmade goods were a rare opportunity to offer up thanks; or once some species grew towards adolescence suggest something more.  For him to have already made and fetched something to you; it meant that he must for some reason view you in high regard.  That even outside of this room, it mattered to someone that he tried to make good impression on you.

“Thank you.”

You took it from his hand and bit into it; holding the plate under your chin to catch any crumbs.  The cake was delicious and you told T’ulke as much.  Chewing slowly, and refusing his offer to gift you his piece as well.  Perhaps you decided, as you took the last bite, that even aboard the Finalizer handmade gifts were viewed as they had been at home.  Perhaps this would be appropriate; even for him. 

“Do you think that General Hux would like this cake; for when he came home?”       

The cadet-officer seemed to pause his chewing to think about it.  Lips pulling tight as he gave a small hum of thought.  Your heart plummeting and face colouring when he shook his head; making you realise that this was harder than it looked.  You wanted to do something for the man who had rescued you; but every time you did it somehow seemed to go wrong.

“But he really likes his caff, perhaps a caff flavoured cake.”

That had you smiling again.  Almost bouncing in your seat with excitement; pleased that you had managed to get something right.  You had a couple more days, to gather up supplies.  You had never really cooked before; not human foods at least.  You would need to know how to make it, how to cook it, what to put into it; how would you get the supplies needed.  Just how far did T’ulke’s orders to help you go? 

“Will you help me gather supplies. Please?”

Your question was met with a firmly nodded head from T’ulke. 

“General Hux said I was to be made available to you, no matter how odd the request.  Not that this is odd!”

His assurances came speedily.  Making you wonder if he wanted to make it clear your request was normal; or if he did just was worried that you would get upset from his reply.  General Hux had to have given some firmly worded orders to people before he left.  The thought of such a powerful man taking time before he left to ensure such trivialities as you were taken care of, was comforting.  It filled you with a warm sense of longing, one that made you want to smile and hug him.  Digging yourself into the circle of his arms and kiss him in thanks.  Admittedly just the simple peck against the skin on his cheek, he seemed to have given over protesting by now; but it was a start.

“He also said to remind you to call each night before bed, and that in an emergency he has given orders to put your call straight through to him.”

“Call?”

He was clearing up the empty plates, and you moved to help him; not wanting to seem lazy or entitled.  Pushing the empty containers down the open vent and into the trash compactor chute.  Pulling your brows together in confusion.  General Hux had not given any such reminders to you before he left; nor had he suggested that he would.  Perhaps then, he had given these orders to others for you, before he told you he was leaving.  That your behaviour the night before, had left no time to explain it to you also.  

“Yes, on the holo-pad.”

The cleaning up had taken brief moments, even though you had stopped helping.  T’ulke must have guessed your puzzlement; to be looking oddly at you.  Though the reasons must now have at least been that obvious, for him to lead you back to the table.  Reaching over it and pushing the holopad resting on the table towards you.  Showing you how to access the contacts and initiate a holo vid call.  But frowning when he noted that although the contacts were extensive; there was none labelled General Hux.  Apologising and suggesting that he transfer the details over to your pad. 

It was not difficult for you to realise why, assuring the cadet that you could sort it whilst politely hurrying him out of the door.  You knew exactly why there was no contact in the seemingly correct place.  Scrolling past the countless names you didn’t know to the D’s.  Pleading with yourself as you pressed it, that this was not too early, and that you were supposed to; pressed the contact. The screen changing to show a video link with the General.

“Good evening, angel.”

His voice was the softer tone you knew he would only use if he was alone.  His face too displayed an amused smirk; making you wonder if he had orchestrated this as a surprise for you rather than you missing out on instructions. 

“Hello daddy.”

He openly smiled at you using the moniker you had chosen for him; curling one side of his lips up into a half smile.  Instructing you to put the pad flat on the table.  You did; and instantly a blue glow emanated from the device.  Linear strips of it settling into a three-dimensional image of General Hux’s bust.  Much smaller than his realistic self; it showed him for the first time ever out of his uniform.

He looked really good.  Handsomely decked out in a smart tunic and trousers you had never seen before; not even in his wardrobe.  He looked impressive, and had made the effort to look a whole lot smarter than he usually did on an evening.  Which was saying something given how impressively pristinely he normally dressed.     

“I cannot talk long, but I am pleased to see you are recovered from last night.”

Biting your lip, you nodded; caught up in a complete mix of feelings.  Some feelings making you ashamed of yourself from at the suggestion you had been sulking at him last night.  Others you realised with a shaky breath, were of how attractive he looked right now.  Ignoring the temptation to ask him, whereabouts she was; you instead gave a quiet “sorry”. 

Soothing yourself, that you knew she was not in the room with him; certainly not if he had permitted you to call him daddy twice.  His eyes held the glint of humour they always seemed to have around you.  Though it classed as his version of a grin of acceptance; it had yet to properly grace his mouth.  Unlike yours, that showed a contented little half smile that you were in some way pleasing him.

“We need to discuss that when I am home.”

Now you frowned; worried about what there was to discuss.  Was this a warning that you would be seeing more of her?  Or you dared to hope; a suggestion that he knew it was pushing things too far with her.  You knew his admittance that he cared for you, was a constant challenge him.  One that for all he had given up fighting his acceptance of it; he still kept you at arms-length.  Feelings it seemed went completely against his character, and it shocked you, that it was almost as though he had never permitted this before.  Yes you had never known what it was to ‘seek comfort’ from a man, but you knew that if it felt good, you were not to reject it when the time came.  What sort of a life had he had, if he seemed to hold a greater onus to your welfare; and innocent relationship with him; than to the woman he was supposedly intimate with.    

“Are you going somewhere daddy?”

His lips curled again at your choice of name, almost making him puff his chest out and preen himself like some fancy cock-bird.  You tucked your knees up to your chest as you spoke.  Nestling your chin in the valley between both knees. 

“I am here on business; but there is a social event I am obligated to attend.”

Social meant fun; didn’t it?  Fun probably meant with her.  Now you stiffened, your stomach churning as you looked over your knees at him; your eyes wide with the questions you longed to demand of him.  Knowing that asking him them could potentially make him mad at you again; and you did not want him cross at you.  Especially not all the way over there and you here alone; wherever in the galaxy; there currently happened to be.  Instead you opted for a safer topic; your voice smaller and strangled than you wanted it to be.

“I miss you.”

He sighed at your words, and his face crumpled to a soft show of regret, whilst his jaw line softened.  Making you suspect that if he had not been distant from you, he would have broken his usual rigid protocol and touched you.  That made it worse.  Blinking quickly to clear the mist from your eyes.  Trying not to imagine how warm and secure it would be to be no matter how briefly pressed up against his chest.  His smell and body heat enveloping you in a protective cocoon; whilst his hand stroked soothingly at your hair. 

“Sweetheart, please.  Not when I am not there to, make it better for you.”

It was perhaps the most touching thing he had ever said to you and the only thing that made you lose further control of your leaking eyes.  Your bottom lip quivering, and your words faltering when you bravely tried to tell him, it would be okay.

“Two more days and then I will be home; I promise.”

Brushing under your eyes, you nodded.  Swallowing twice before goodbyes were exchanged and promises to speak again tomorrow; first thing too if you would like.  General Hux assuring you that written messages could also be exchanged.  They would not be answered as promptly as your calls.  But should there be something perplexing you needed answering between the calls; he would do his best to get to it before the evening calls. 

He closed the connection for you, and alone you huddled smaller again.  Knowing that tonight it would not be your own bed you would be sleeping in.  You wanted to be close to everything that was him; and so, after your shower in was not even your clothing you pulled on.  Assuming as you dried off and pulled on a grey undershirt belonging to him, that as with your own clothing; it could be washed and returned by the next day. He would not know that you had been this sentimental; this weak.  This was going to be for only one night you promised yourself, as you slid under his covers.  Breathing deeply as you rubbed yourself in the scent of his bedding; smelling faint notes of him in the soaps you had also pilfered to use.  Pleased that it had not been laundry day, just yet.

It should not matter to you, that he was gone; especially not for such a brief time.  You had always been such a fiercely independent soul before him; priding yourself on relying on no one.  This time apart should not matter; at least not to you.  He had literally seen to all of your needs.  So, there was nothing to miss; nothing to go without; just him and the company you had grown very fond of. 

But you missed that, so much that it almost hurt.  Swelling into a solid need in the cavity of his chest.  It was stupid, you had known him for such a short time, and he was gone for an even shorter period.  You knew you should pull it together; but as small part of you liked how helpless he allowed you to be.  You had spent your life so far taking care of the demands of others and now he seemed to take care of you.  Some perhaps would have called it patronising and controlling; but secretly you craved it from him. 

Most evenings, he would find a way to tuck you into your bed on a night.  Ensuring that you were comfortable before he whispered good night and left you.  Ignoring the need to cry, you instead dug your head deeper; whispering your good night into the darkened room and hoping he thought to do the same for you.         

The morning was much easier to face knowing that he was contactable; and the return of both the Tutor droid and T’ulke helped to break the day up.  Making the time without him seem smaller; and his return sooner.  On the morning of the third day T’ulke dropped off the supplies; promising to return after dinner and help you bake. 

\--

So it was mid-afternoon when T’ulke talked you through the cake.  Setting the small oven in the kitchenette to the right temperature, and assisting you through the preparations.  Sliding it into the convection-oven for you; whilst you licked the bowl. 

You had never really understood General Hux’s fascination with caff.  It smelt lovely; but always tasted too bitter for your palette.  Mixed with the sugar and other ingredients thought it tasted good; and T’ulke let you scrape the bottom of the bowl out.  Giggling as you managed to smear some on your face. 

You laughed too when he showed you, your face and then held still whilst he scraped what he could from your face.  Dipping a cloth into the sink, to dab at the stubborner patches on your nose and cheek.  Laughing again as he teased you. 

“What do you think you are doing Cadet!”

The angry statement; was less an open question and more an order for T’ulke to step back.  Jostling you in his nervousness and knocking the waiting icing onto the floor; creating a mess that you hurried to clear up.  Almost inconsolable with your own anger and disappointment at the failure of yet again another attempt to do something nice for him.  To say General Hux was cross was an understatement, making you flinch too when he snarled at the cadet.

“I asked you to watch her; _not this_ ; get out!”    

His cheeks were white; but with high splotches of deep red riding high on his cheekbones.  His eyes showing a fire to their icy glint, that you had been otherwise unaccustomed to.  Ducking your head down, you kept scraping at the wasted frosting.  Using the spatula to scoop it into the broken mixing bowl, ignoring the red of your cheeks, whilst you dumped it into the trash compactor.  The oven pinged and grabbing up the oven mittens; you reached to pull out the cake.  Slapping it on the side, before returning to close the oven door; your fingers so shaky that you had to take a deep breath.   

“Sweetheart leave that, I need to talk to you.”

You really had got it all wrong you realised; reaching for the door and to your further mortification catching two of your fingertips on the heated metal.  You hissed loudly.  Both at the stinging burn; and the horrible smell it left behind.  The tears you didn’t know you held in, set free by your shock and pain.   

“How bloody stupid; get it under water now!”

He was still cross then.  Though for all he had shouted at you; he was quickly behind you.  Turning on the cold water; and having you hold it there, whilst he ferreted out some burn gel.

“I cannot recall that I have ever used this kitchen.  If you wanted cake; why did you not just order it from the commissary; Cadet T’ulke should have known better.”

He was applying gel to your fingers.  The strangely smelling ointment cooling as it went on; soothing the sharpness of the pain away to a barely discernible back ground throb.  By now you were still crying, but far less freely and mainly the odd hiccup of shame, rather than outright weeping.  The sobs breaking into your words as you apologised.

“I,I, was making a cake, for, you.”

He pulled you to him, breathing deeply as he brought both arms to wrap around your shoulders.  Tightening his grip as he fought to keep the neutrality in his strained voice.

“Sugar; it is him I am cross with not you; bloody man handling you like that.”

Suddenly over come with anger, you pushed off his chest; just taking a moment to stare at him.  Your mouth gaping, as you realised what the problem was.  Pushing past him and knocking the cake into the sink.  General Hux was jealous of his officer; he had seen what he had assumed to be you in a compromising situation and over reacted. 

“He was helping me make a cake; for you; nothing more.  Its caff flavoured; there was not anything going on between myself and your officer; and given what just happened it is never likely either.”

Now his cheeks coloured for an altogether different reason.  Groaning as, you stormed off into your room; exhausted at trying to please him.  Five minutes he had been back, and again you were arguing.

This time you had not slammed the sliding door shut, and nervously he tittered on the edge of your space.  Asking if he could come in, slowly venturing into the room when you didn’t answer; too busy hiding under one of your blankets.

“Baby-girl please come out.  It is I who should be hiding my face in shame; not you.”

You knew that he had over stepped the mark; but still you felt ashamed.  You had shown him up; acted in a way that suggested to his subordinates that he was soft.  There was no wonder he was cross with you; you would be too.

“I am sorry.  Sorry I am so weak; so sentimental.”

You picked your words carefully.  Desperate to try and make amends and show you understood and that you could show the intelligence needed for his world. 

There was a paused silence; and then a palm ran your back.  Rubbing along the length of your spine, where it lay, under the cover.  Trying to gently peel back the covers and coax you out.  Then when that failed; using a stronger brute strength to climb under there and face you in the half light of your nest.

“You are not weak; far from it.  And I, well I enjoy your sentimentality; your emotions.  They are a truly refreshing change from the lies and underhanded back stabbers I am used to.”

He had brushed your salt matted hair back from your face, laying it over your shoulder and stroking your back.  Kissing your forehead and bringing you close to him again. 

“Please little one, do not ever change the parts of you that are truly you to fit in.  Pure and honest it makes you, you.”    

You nodded against his chest.  The moisture on your face, making the otherwise smooth and soft wool, itchy.  Tightening your grip on the fabric, whilst he let you huddle into him.  Allowing you to tangle your legs into his; shifting to permit you to lay more over his chest.  It was a while before he spoke, and then the first uttered word was untranslatable.  Though given the tone he used, it was not a polite one.

“Wait there; I will go and fix this.”

 His whole body had tensed as though just realising something.  Followed by more apologies as he gently pried himself from you; slicking back his hair to its former perfected coif; before leaving the apartment.

He was gone such a brief amount of time, that the confusion had not yet swayed into worry.  Returning looking very pleased with himself indeed; too pleased with himself.

“I have arranged for T’ulke to pick you up the day after tomorrow.  He has special dispensation to dine with you in the senior officer’s mess hall.”

It was hard, but somehow you kept the horror from showing.  Realising that General Hux had somehow come to the conclusion that you had been interested in T’ulke and that his jealousy had been unfair to you.  Smiling and thanking him; whilst internally you groaned and assured yourself it was only one night.

Whilst General Hux had assured you he always expected your honesty; you had no intentions of correcting him yet.  He had just humbled himself by, approaching a man he had wrongly accused of man handling you, and demanded a date from him.  You could just see the quivering officer now, his adam’s-apple bobbing nervously as he gave the only answer he could.  You were pretty sure that none of you wanted this ‘date’ but you would have to appease the General’s pride and go on it.  He thought he was doing good by you, setting it up.  You could come up with an excuse after as to why it didn’t work out.   


	11. Without a reason, for my place in all this pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this is a lot longer than the five or so chapters I had intended this to be

Your date night with T’ulke soon rolled around; and with it its very own special set of horrors.   It seemed that as a young lady, under General Hux’s guardianship you required a very special set of control measures for a date.  Which apparently translated as required his personal chaperoning on any public outings with young men. 

Currently that meant you and a constantly nervous T’ulke sat at a small table, in the officer’s mess hall.  Peering around the unfamiliar signs of the otherwise unvisited part of the ship; whilst General Hux sat guarding you.  Sitting sat several tables behind T’ulke and sipping at a never-ending supply of caff whilst pretending that he was really working.  To be fair he was practically always working; but you were no idiot; and neither was T’ulke.  That General Hux had chosen to work in here with you two rather than in a more practical part of his ship; suggested that you were the real focus of his attention.

“Would you like another drink?”

Your nod and encouraging smile was followed by polite little yes please.  Followed up by T’ulke pushing back his chair to head to the bar.  Stopped when a low cough sounded from behind him, making the poor boy stiffen and stop to check over what he possibly could have done wrong.  Almost retracing the small step, he had taken back to look down at you for clues.  Deciding from your raised brow indicating that you hadn’t one either.

Whilst you kept looking behind him at the still working General Hux.  His face buried a little deceptively studiously in his work.  His attention conveniently and quite apathetically buried anywhere but yourself, as he continued swiping at pages of data.  Nonchalantly leaving back to change his position; as though he had not just deliberately cleared his throat to remind you both he was there.  

“Same again; or something stronger?”

The clipped basic, that you were beginning to realise in here, was encouraged in all officers did little to hide his growing nervousness.  The offer of a stronger drink was clearly meant as joke, to try and lighten the terse atmosphere.  But it clearly was not something which General Hux approved of judging from the slight ‘ahem’ that seemed to indicate that despite appearances; he was still paying attention.

“No, another glass of wine would be lovely please.”

T’ulke listened out for any further indication from the General that he might not be in agreement with you having a second glass of wine.  Taking the silence as his permission to go.  The scraping noise drawing General Hux’s attention and making him look up at T’ulke; watching him with narrowed eyes as he followed the man’s tracks to the bar.  Scrutinising his underlings every shaky move as he placed the drinks order and carried them back.  Glaring at him, as though miss-ordering a drink could manage to cause catastrophic insult to him.  Frowning as he placed two small tumblers on the table.  One containing a small glass of wine for yourself, another holding a stiff measure of brandy for T’ulke.    

You took a sip of wine, secretly wishing you could ignore the speech General Hux had given you before you departed.  First there had been the lecture about where a young man was permitted to touch a young lady on a first meeting, followed by a detailed and painful instruction on how to delicately avoid leading them on.  With added assurances, that although society found it very un-lady like; you were not to pull your punches if someone went too far.  Then had come the lecture on not drinking too much; a pointless exercise since you had no intentions of imbibing more than one or two glasses.  And then finally; after he had scrutinised your hair and outfit; he had announced that he would see you here; and not to dawdle too much on the way.   

It was as though you had not spent the last three days alone in his quarters with the cadet-officer, and that he assumed that either of you were that interested in one another.  Even if T’ulke had been; having his boss chaperone his date, would have been enough to put anyone off. 

Finally, food arrived and you crossly picked up your utensils.  The conversation a glorious mix of long silences and painfully forced questions; hardly the sum of a good time.  This was worse than anything you could have anticipated from him. 

Poor T’ulke was terrified of his superior and despite desperately trying to appear calm; it was easy to see how un at ease he truly was.  Sweat was trickling down the cadet’s back, and the palms of his hand were sweaty.  Leaving smears on the seasoning pots when he handed them over to you; swiping his hands over the fronts of his trousers.  You ignored the salty trails and the seasonings; nothing could make the delicious food palatable in this mood.  Instead taking another sip of the wine before pushing the food around your pate.  Giving up and sighing in complete frustration.  

You failed to see how; or why all of this was necessary.  You had spent years on Cadannia alone with males, and none of that had required another adult watching you like a avril.  The food was tasty; but the conversation was bad.  Made worse by the occasional grunt from General Hux, in a failed attempt to surreptitiously suggest to T’ulke the topic was inappropriate; whilst also conveying that he was still watching you.  The only condolence was that T’ulke was riding this trip out with you; that at least he too understood how painful this was.

“So, you never felt any drive to join the academy?”

You didn’t even get a chance to ask him what academy, before there was another cough.  The General taking advantage of the returned silence, to grab his own refill from the bar.  Sauntering slowly back to his seat.  Making sure to very unsubtly check the pair of you out; probably ensuring that you were the prescribed distance apart.

The evening just could not get any worse; or so you thought. Cursing your naive stupidity; when a certain black clad Knight appeared under the archway to the officer’s mess hall; making no moves to hide that he too was interested in your date.  Chrome mask on and arms crossed, he leant against the door frame and facing your table.  Loitering in what you assumed could only be faked boredom.

Your position offered you the view of the door.  So neither General Hux, nor T’ulke had noticed that he was there yet.  Which given everything else you had to contend with; it was probably for the best.  Especially since from the small amounts of gossip you had gained from your evening conversations with General Hux, suggested that he terrified the crew.  Something that had only seemed to infuriate the General who swore that he was an overgrown child.  One who took a sense of pride in having his name spoken in fear.  The General Hux swearing, that he deliberately terrorised the junior and petty officers to perpetuate their fear of him.  Given that, you doubted that his presence would have anything but a directly negative effect on this ‘date’.  Kylo Ren was here to annoy someone, and you didn’t think if it was T’ulke; the poor boy could take anymore anxiety. 

“You don’t like the queg?”

“Yes, thank you.  I’m, I-think it just is a little richer than the foods I am used to.” 

Your speech was far less relaxed than it was a moment ago.  Not so much from nerves, as an inability to spit your attention between the three men in the room.  You blinked and took another bite of the meat; trying almost unsuccessfully to pull your attention back to the poor cadet.  Thankful, as he speared a leafy green vegetable; that he had not the perception General Hux had with you. 

General Hux was not as fooled by your cheerful answer as T’ulke was.  Already narrowing his eyes, and watching you for any clues, as though eager to yell at T’ulke for doing something wrong.  Much too eager to admonish T’ulke; you had to think fast and avoid paying any further attention to the hulking figure in the door way.  The last thing you wanted to do was to alert either of the other two men you were with; to his presence. 

You couldn’t explain why; but there was a sense of amusement surrounding Kylo Ren.  One that seemed to roll off him in waves of restless energy.  Suggesting he was currently volatile and what was to come could be interesting; but only in so much as it would amuse himself only.

“Are you sure you’re okay; you seem very distracted.”

It was hard not to snap at the cadet, that you were fine.  Your nerves too highly strung now for your own preferences; your body too attuned to the circus that could be about to unfold. 

“Fine.”

Both T’ulke and the ginger seemed unsettled with your answer.  Perhaps you realised, you were not as subtle as you thought you had been.  But for all both men had gathered something was wrong; neither of them had worked out what it was; or bothered to look around the room for clues.  Neither suspecting anything, until your eyes opened wide in shock.  Kylo Ren straightening up; and with a quick tilt of his head in acknowledgement, igniting his sabre and disappearing around the open doorway into the passageway beyond.  You should have known to expect what was happening next.  You had heard General Hux moan about Kylo Ren desecrating his ship; with that bloody stupid weapon enough times to have made a more educated guess. 

But the next thing you knew there was a thick smell of smoke and the sounds of something scraping off metal.  The corridor beyond sending wave after wave, of red flashes as Kylo Ren began hacking and slashing at a part of General Hux’s beloved ship.  

Before you had registered that he had moved.  General Hux had already sprung to standing; vaulting over his fallen seat and heading off towards the source of the commotion.  His correct and seemingly never-ending control; proven for the first time fallible as he screamed.  The mighty roar just one spluttered word.  As though he could not contain his rage long enough to find a more articulate set of commands.  Finally leaving you in peace, as his thundering steps echoed along the now silent corridor; further away and towards his most pressing problem.

“Ren!”

You jolted in your seat; as you realised that you should have warned General Hux, that Kylo Ren was there.  T’ulke offering you a shaky smile; in an attempt to help settle what he thought was fear.  Not seeming to guess that you felt more guilty than afraid. 

You had never really seen Commander Ren in action.  But that lack of experience was not what stopped you from fearing the man.  Whilst it was true that you had a healthy level of respect for the man; it was not borne from the fear; or dislike of others.  He had never shown any hint of intended violence towards you.  Just in the brief times spent with him, a teasing comradery that you had appreciated. 

“It’s okay.  It hasn’t been a normal week if Commander Ren doesn’t rip something up.”

It was all meant to comfort you; but instead it was just making it even worse.  Not the description of the Commander’s weekly activities; but the poor boy explaining something else that made him nervous.  Already this was not fair on him.  The entire set up was cruel, and had you realised it would have never been this traumatic for him; if you had just let General Hux know sooner that he had it wrong.  Rather than risk upsetting General Hux, you should have just come clean that you didn’t want the date.  Just because he didn’t want you, did not mean that you had to be pushed into dating others to ease his guilt.  It was time to put things right. 

“Look would you mind awfully, if we get out of here?”

In one final gulp, you downed the rest of the wine.  You were already gathering up your belongings and tucking your chair in.  Moving too swiftly for T’ulke to appear anything but rude, if he said no.  But at the same time ready enough to go that you would just leave on your own if he did try to keep you.

“Not at all.”

He was still trying to appear the sum of exactly what General Hux thought you wanted in all of this; polite, respectful and very much attentive to your wants.  Which in doing so, seemed to despite General Hux’s protests that he was happy for you to date; the very opposite of what he really wanted.  Worse still; it seemed that everyone but General Hux, himself had realised that.  Even the dining hall staff had sent a sympathetic smile your way as you left; pitying you as much as the poor boy walking you home. 

You walked away.  T’ulke setting an easy pace, one that was supposed to be companionable; whilst also hurrying to get away.  It seemed to be an unspoken agreement that you were heading home; and also, that he was going to escort you there. 

There was no conversation between you both; just the steady tread of feet on the durasteel panelled floor.  Neither of you wanting to suggest, that he just go already and leave you to die of your embarrassment alone.  Both of you knew, that no matter how badly this evening had gone; General Hux would never stand for him leaving you to walk the halls of the Finalizer alone.  It went without saying that after today, T’ulke had no intention of further antagonising his superiors.

Whilst walking it was no so bad.  But stood waiting for the turbo-lift to arrive was more uncomfortable.  The brief time spent waiting, bridged with an exchange of forced smiles and nervous shuffling.  Broken thankfully by the arrival of the lift, readying yourself as the doors pinged and opened, to get into it and get the hell home. 

That Kylo Ren was about near the dining room; had not been the first clue that he was up to something suspicious.  Then that he was waiting in the lift, nonchalantly pacing the small space; was a major hint that something was going on.  One muscular arm outstretched towards you, his visor tilted to the cadet-officer.  His hand vaguely gesturing back up the passageway, you had come from.

“Go; leave us.”

The modulated voice was if possible more flat and toneless than you could remember it being before.  T’ulke twirling on his heels and so eager to be leaving you; that he left without a goodbye.  It seemed that the only person scarier to the crew than General Hux; was Kylo Ren.  That or the spare hand twitching in suggestion, presented the more imminent risk to him.   

Kylo Ren watched him go, his mask tracking the cadet’s regulated pace. Almost as though he was making sure he had gone before he stepped aside from the entrance.  A movement you took as a suggestion you should join him in the turbo-lift.

“Daddy is preoccupied.”

He was suggesting that he had kept him busy for you; whilst giving him a safe space for him to talk to you.  It was a struggle to keep your face still.  Unsure with his mask on and his face hidden; if he was as prideful of his actions as you suspected he was.  The door closed, and he removed his mask so that you could better read him.  Aware as he smirked down at you, that the intimacy of seeing his face was not so much a strange oddity, as it was just a rare occasion for you.  Already you knew you had probably seen him without his mask, more times than most of the First Order personnel.   

“I see The General is still in denial about you?”

You shrugged, aware he did not really need an answer.  It was after all, not really a question so much as it was supposed to lead you into the topic he wished to discuss and without the mask, you had his facial features to confirm your feelings.  His raised brow giving you the confidence to believe now, that Kylo Ren really had just been carving holes into the Finalizer for you.  All in a deliberate attempt to end the date early, and to lead both sources of frustration away from you.  You didn’t therefore need him to ask you if the date was really that bad, or to answer any other embarrassing questions about it.  Just to get to the heart of the issue, to root out the architect of this disastrous evening.

“Shall we?”

The doors had opened.  Revealing a new part of the ship to you.  The Commander waiting for you to leave first, then falling into pace beside you.  Watching you as though waiting for you to speak, his face open and inviting.  It was comforting to have to have someone on your side, someone who knew the frustration you felt.  For all T’ulke had been companionable; you knew General Hux was a private man.  He would have been cross if you discussed your relationship with another, that Kylo Ren just seemed to know; meant that you betrayed no one.  That he did not ask you to confirm his question, just backed that up. 

“Did you really vandalise the General’s ship for me?”

You cleverly kept the questions wider and the smirk he shot back at you; was that of a fellow conspirator.  An amused grin, that would have made you feel so guilty if General Hux been here to see you smile wider at him.  Making you chew on the side of your lower lip, and take more relaxed steps, the pace almost an irregular skip.  You liked Kylo Ren.  Somehow you didn’t think that General Hux would agree on your opinion.  He most certainly would not approve of the possibility of a budding friendship with; as he put it ‘the very bane of his existence.’ 

“You are correct it most likely would not be met with his approval.”

You were more aware now of Kylo Ren’s varied gifts now to guess what he was doing.  So mercifully, it was less unnerving to hear him answer you thoughts aloud than it would have been on Cadannia.  The easy tone, not dismissing your suggestion of friendship.  You could not sense anything of a threat from him reading your thoughts; and so you let it go.  It had to be like your own abilities; you could not control when you heard others speak; he probably could not control skimming your thoughts.  To him, this was not rude; but just a force of habit and somehow you trusted that Kylo Ren was leading somewhere with this, and that under normal circumstances he probably would not do this.  You liked him and you did not want to insult him by insulting him for something, he could not control.      

“You are correct.  I have no intention of harming you, but some of your thoughts are a little too loud to ignore. Not without fully blocking you, and that would also block your ability; it seemed rude.”

So he liked you too.  He could if he wanted to; block your reading his words.  But instead chose to leave himself open; an act which was in turn showed he trusted you.  You turned to look at him, smiling in open thanks at this.  His steps faltering as he took a deep breath and groaned as though something had just clicked into place in his thoughts.  Then genuinely shocked you with his next comment.

“It appears that we have under estimated you.  Your ‘gift’ helps you do more than read people’s true intents; you unwittingly influence others with it too.  You are wholly unaware of it, but you manipulate others with your own feelings.”

Your brow raised, both eyes widening in shock; horrified that you had been manipulating others.  The Yuuzhan Vong you couldn’t care less about, but you hated to think that you effected those you cared about.  Already you knew he spoke the truth; you could sense it in his words.  But also there, was the small hint that you could find a way to make yourself useful.  Perhaps even useful enough that General Hux would find you useful enough to be able to keep you aboard his ship.

“You think I have my uses”

“I think you should make yourself useful to more than just the General if you want to remain indefinitely with him on this ship?”

Without being able to sense the intent behind his words, you would have mistaken his attempts at comradery as an attempt to manipulate you.  There was no suggestion that he would seek to use your skills personally; already you knew there was more to his advice.  Enough that you asked him to clarify himself; unsure who else you should be making yourself useful to.

“Meaning?”

“Meaning the supreme leader has shown a small interest in you; he wishes to meet you one day.  To see who the girl is who runs rampantly through his favourite General’s dreams.”

“He dreams about me?”

Unsurprisingly you took in the parts about your General Hux first.  Your voice was an awed, happy whisper.  Making your heart skip, and your smile spread wider.  Stopping suddenly as you realised that you didn’t know much of Supreme Leader; but you knew he possessed the same skills as Kylo Ren.  A skill that made the bane of General Hux’s existence worth keeping.  So if he said General Hux was dreaming of you he was.  But Supreme Leader was head of an organisation that decried personal attachment and sentimentality.  Somehow your nerves made you doubt that it was a positive sign.  Your daddy protected you; and in return, it was your job to look after him sometimes.  The self-doubt getting a hold of your confidence and making you back track on yourself, quickly in an effort to save General Hux.  

“General Hux is simply repaying me for the loyalty shown on Cadannia; preparing me to leave, he is not attached to me in any way.”

Kylo Ren snorted at that.  The noise suggesting that he found your lie to be unfounded and amusing.  The sudden rush of air, given over quickly to chortled assurances that mirth was not aimed at yourself.

“You think I cannot read when you lie also?  My gifts are more extensive than your own and I know that if General Hux was any more willing to do that than before; he would have made plans.  Instead all he talks of are empty promises, made to still the fears inside his heart.  Mostly for when his cock begs to be taken in hand over a fanciful image of him taking you.”

He was not cross with you for lying; he understood why you had tried to be deceitful.  But you were that shocked by his honesty; that you almost forgot how to breathe.  Suddenly drawing in a deep, rushing lungful of air.  Shocked even more so by the warmth that spread across your body in response to this.  Your cheeks burnt a deep red then at the realisation, that Kylo Ren would be able to guess how you felt; and interpret it better than you could.  Innocent you might be; but stupid you were not.  Just because you had not experienced anything of an adult courtship, did not mean that you did not know about sex.  You just had yet to have felt the want to experience anything of it.  That had made you slow to understanding that you wanted him.  But you were intelligent enough to realise, that had he of chosen to lead; your body would have happily followed. 

Now, to hear that he touched himself because of you, made a prickly heat run your spine.  One that in the absence of self-discovery, suggested a tepid shower might be the best way to calm yourself.  You had heard of course of masturbation and other kinds of self pleasure enough to understand what Kylo Ren meant that General Hux was doing.  But you had never really been alone long enough to try it; and unlike some species, you did mind being discovered in the mist of self-pleasure.  The clumsy attempts you made at it, too stressful to bring pleasure, so instead you stopped trying.  By now you were ashamed that you didn’t know your own body well enough to try; it was both frightening and embarrassing to think that you had never even had one orgasm.    

The corridor turned, to a locked blast door.  A quick press of Kylo Ren’s palm to a box, opening it to reveal another entrance to the corridor containing the complex of officer’s apartments that housed you and General Hux. 

“My words were not meant to upset you.  You have nothing to fear; no one means you harm.”

You knew that he intended this information, to be taken as a sign of trust between you both.  You also knew that he meant no malice towards General Hux with them.  But that now he was a little concerned that he might have caused offense or worried you.  He was not reading your thoughts then, or perhaps just being selective in the ones he paid attention to. 

Home was nearby; even more so when General Hux stepped out of the door to your shared quarters.  Yelling at a suddenly re-masked Kylo Ren; who seemed to stomp off in a direct refusal to answer any demands on where he had been with you. Another person leaving you with not so much as a polite good evening.   

General Hux did not follow him.  Instead he turned his attention to you and guided you into the shared quarters.  Ordering you to sit next to him, and drink the evenings hot beverage with him.  Adding a cookie for you to nibble on, as he brushed back your hair.  Demanding to know where you had been with Kylo Ren; and creating most about why T’ulke had seen fit to leave alone you with that supposed idiot.  Apparently, he had considered the cadet wholly responsible for you this evening, and did not take to kindly to him shirking his duties to you.  In the absence of himself; General Hux did not entirely trust the Commander with you.  Lamenting that he was an over grown child; one who you would risk getting hurt around.  Asking several times; if you were sure you were okay and if Commander Ren had been in anyway disrespectful.  It was a question you chose not to answer, declining to add to Kylo Ren’s defence that you considered him to be a friend.  Letting the General ramble on in his annoyance; the clipped insults meaning that you had less reason to answer.   Assuming that if Kylo Ren thought that a prudent thing for General Hux to know why you were with him; he would have told him.  Reminding yourself, that you were not lying; or being deceptive in any way.  Just that you like he, were entitled to keep some cards close to your chest. 

“Come on then, its late you need to be getting ready for bed.  I’ll tuck you in after your shower.”

             

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not sure this plays as chaotic as it did in my head. But I think it starts to explain Kylo's interest


	12. It's harder than the first time

General Hux seemed to have conceded without asking, that you did not want a second date with T’ulke. Nor thankfully was there another man preapproved by Hux and waiting in the wings to take his place.  It seemed even he did not wish to cause a repeat of the whole dining hall incident.  His jealousy of the young cadet, only further fuelled your belief in Kylo Ren’s assurances that he thought of you when alone.  The heat that spread when you thought of him touching himself over you, becoming a bothersome thought that would sometime leave you pink-cheeked and panting.  Making you hide in your room until all thoughts of what that meant had passed.  Day dreaming over thoughts of what you would do if you found the evidence yourself.  Not sure if you would run in embarrassment, or if you would find it as flattering as your imagination did.     

Your life returned back to normal; the only worrisome detail left from Commander Ren’s little talk; was the Supreme Leader’s supposed interest in you.  Not that you even worried too much over that. Kylo Ren had not seemed worried by it; so neither did you, allowing that too, to fade into the background of your thoughts.  Deciding that it was best not to concern General Hux with your newly found information.  You did not think you could face to explain how his Supreme Leader knew about you.  Somehow you suspected that he would not take kindly to Kylo Ren knowing what he did; and he had told you before he expected your honesty.  If you could not give him that you decided; you would not own up to anything else.    

Anyway, it was too nice to have your daddy back to yourself.  No longer spending time lecturing you on what to expect on a date.  Your daily routine became once more a comforting thing to follow.  It was safe and secure here alone with him; General Hux too eager to run if you needed him.  For all his gruffness with others, he was kind to you.  Even if he had got it wrong by assuming you wanted a date; he had tried to do what he thought you had wanted.  At least attempting to push aside his own jealous and consider himself totally responsible for you care.  Even when not around it mattered to him what happened to you, down to the small details that you had eaten and drank well that day.  Even if he did manage to find you a suitable partner, you could not imagine him cutting you from his life.  He was for all his insistences that he was in control, rather a clingy individual for one so strong.  Much too protective of you, to wholly believe that another could ever care for you as he did.

Even tonight, when he had important visitors and a whole host of other ship board events to organise; he had found time to ensure that you were comfortable.  Under the Yuuzhan Vong, you had been fed so little; that your body barely had to nutrients left to waste on a period.  Admittedly you had had them; just not as painful or regularly as you seemed to now.  The regular meals and correct nutirents; had led to enough of a weight gain, that your body seemed to have fallen into its own rhythm.   Meaning painful menses once a month; but thankfully a daddy who took care to ensure you were comfortable as possible throughout them.  Which tonight meant being given permission to be sprawled out in his bed.  Tucked in by himself; snug and warm.  Clutching a hot water bottle to your cramping stomach.  More than ready for an early night, but making General Hux promise to wake you when he got home.  Well aware that for all he would wake you; he would be back very late.  But knowing without asking, that it would also be with stolen cake.  

“Will you miss me tonight, daddy?”

You teased him.  Very much aware that he did not want to go at all.  Leaving you had nothing to do with it, you were safe aboard his ship.  But he considered the time spent a waste of resources and the people in attendance dull and demanding.

“I always miss you baby-girl.”

You wiggled in honest pleasure at the pet name.  The choice not demeaning; but somehow reassuring.  Both of you knew you permitted him to see you this way; just as he permitted you to be his weakness.  He had already formed a forbidden attachment to you; who cared if it was not sexual.      

“You could take me with you; I would be good.”

You bit your lip, and looked hopefully up at him, eyes wide and pleading.  Watching him move around the room in his undershirt and trousers.  Dabbing his cologne on his freshly shaven cheeks and neck; before pulling on a crisp white dress-tunic.  In truth, you did not want to go with him; the thought of being surrounded by so many powerful people was more than a little intimidating.  But you didn’t want to be away from him.  He looked handsome, and you would have loved to be on his arm wearing a pretty dress.  Rather than curled up snugly in his bed, in your pyjamas.  A holo vid set ready to play once he had gone, your treat for both having studied well that week; and to apologise that he had to leave you whilst you were suffering. 

He was still getting ready for the evening’s gala. One of the few that were held aboard the Finalizer; and of course, one that needed him to preside over it as host.  It was his ship after all.  The evening’s gathering was to secure more funding for the First Order.  Which meant an evening of partying.  It meant seeing him in the smart suit he had worn on his away mission.  It also meant knowing that she was most likely to be the one who partnered him during the soiree.    

“Soon little-one, I promise.  But you are not ready yet, they would only be cruel if you messed up.”

You pouted at that.  Positive that given the last couple of weeks; you were almost ready.  The allocution lessons were endless and increasing in frequency; and you were more than an adept student.  He could just take you for a bit, you were sure you could deal with those who would be hurtful.  Surely, they would not dare to be mean around him.     

“Not even just for one dance. I would come straight home after; you wouldn’t even need to take me, I could walk back on my own. Please.”

His mouth pulled into a thin line and he shook his head.  Adding another reluctant and quiet refusal.  He was not cross; but nor was this one of his usual dismissals.  Something was wrong; something you could not gather from his thoughts.  Usually it was simply a question of begging him, until you got him to say yes.  But he knew you only did this when it really mattered to you; but normally you also knew when to back down.  Perhaps this was too much, and this was something he was going to have to leave you disappointed in.  But normally you didn’t push it where work was involved; perhaps that was why he couldn’t back down; perhaps he too was following orders.  He said he had superiors, perhaps they said you could not be there.

“Could I not just see the dance hall then?”

You just couldn’t let it go could you.  Making him sigh in frustration and put down his comb.  Rubbing his eyes and needlessly checking over his hair as a way to ground himself. Before picking back up the comb, fussing with his already immaculately tidy hair one last time, before he set the vividly orange coif with product.  Looking back at you through his, reflection to watch you absently nibbling at your lower lip.  Frowning in distaste as he finally looked at you; almost distressed himself.

“What is the matter sweetheart; you don’t normally pester me this much.”

You were annoying him then. Although his tone did not suggest that he was cross with you for it; you did not want to be an annoyance.  His voice held his endless and genuine concern for you.  Patient as always with you; almost as though he didn’t care that you irritated him.  You were the one person he seemed to permit to harass him.  You had heard him snap at his officers and soldiers; he had a temper.   For all he spoke with a quite growl when he reprimanded them; you could still hear the fury he held in check for them.  The control it took to not crush them for whatever they had done wrong.  It was hard then to understand how you had never angered him that much.  For all you had often pushed him further than his subordinates had; it was always disappointment that he showed you.  Always a gentler show of his annoyance with you; he had never been that cross with you.  Not even when you had done worse, than just answer him back.

You wondered then how much she was allowed to push for what she wanted.  If she could answer him back and plead for what she wanted; perhaps that was how she had found her way into his bed.  Getting yourself entirely too lost in your nightmarish scenarios, to realise you had been both sighing and tensing your jaw.  Gritting your teeth together tightly; an easy enough way for him to tell something was bothering you.

“Princess what is wrong?”

Maybe you were just a little hormonal.  But for tonight you had had enough of worrying about her.  Enough of competing with someone, you knew you could not.  She had everything you didn’t; she had been educated to First Order standards.  Her exams taken at the very same academy General Hux had been taught at.  Probably knowing him since training; Dr Amara was infinitely more sophisticated and stylish than you could ever hope to be.  There was no way he would take you to events instead of her.  Appearances mattered too much to him.  A bitch she might be.  But she was the embodiment of a First Order officer.  She would be beautiful and witty on his arm; but ruthless when it came to him needing someone putting in their place. 

You on the other hand were a clumsy child in comparison; hardly capable of being what he wanted for such events.  There was no wonder he needed her not you; and he was right to keep you at arms-length.  This semi-platonic caring for one another was as good as it was going to get; and for the best.  You could never become what he needed in the face of his public; you would hate to be that person.

“Will she be there with you?” 

There was a shifting of the bed beside you; and a stronger waft of aftershave as he sat down.  The scent as always making you want to hold your arms out for him to hold you, and let you burry yourself into his chest.   You didn’t want to answer him to answer your question; you didn’t want to seem anymore petty and childish than you were to him right now.  You knew that she was very important to the Order; and you also knew that constantly moaning about her could push him into putting you completely aside.  You didn’t want to lose him, no matter what you had to do to keep him.  Instead you ignored him; too dejected by all of this to bring yourself to look at him and let him see that.  Waiting out the brush of his hands in your hair, until his finger caught under your chin.  Tilting your face towards him, pinching your chin in one gloved hand and making you meet his gaze.

“She is not even aboard my ship princess.”

He was waiting for an answer; those perfect blue eyes scanning your face.  Staring down at your own orbs, before they darted around your face for clues.  The steel blue gaze probing you hard for any weakness to give away your distress.  The harshness dissipated with a single blink as a forest of pale lashes closed on that interrogation; sweeping away suspicion and replacing it with sorrow.  Had she never returned from his mission; was that why he was sad; because she was not here. 

Working a loose pieced of skin between your teeth; you peeled it off your lip.  Scraping back your lip with your teeth to worry at it.  Twiddling your thumb against your forefinger in small circles to steady yourself. She was here first; you were the unreasonable one, weren’t you?  No matter how much he cared enough to look after you; he had never lied about his intentions.

“I have disappointed you.”

Again, it was a statement of fact, and not a question. One that made your gut churn in worry that you would now have to further explain yourself.  General Hux instead let go of your chin, and left the room.  Letting you pluck nervously at a loose thread in the woollen blanket he had laid over his bed to keep you warm.  Thick and brightly coloured; it was a softly woven, and expensive plush red nerf-wool.  One that he had no doubt bought in for you; and certainly not something you would have expected him to keep in his room ready for you.

“Come with me.”

He had returned.  Holding his hand out to you, both in an invitation to follow; and to gently assist you from the bed.  Lifting the covers for you and helping to untangling yourself from the piles of layered cloth.  Waiting for you to take his hand, gentlemanly bowing; before gently, he tucked it into the crook of his elbow.  Arranging your fingers lightly on his fore arm, and with all seriousness as he escorted you from the bedroom.

“Dancing is like everything else I have taught you sweetheart; you must never stand too close to your partner.  It is unacceptable unless there is a publicly known understanding between you both.  Your bodies must never touch; just your hands and your arms.”

You nodded; realising that he intended to make this into another tutorial.  That this one like the other impromptu lessons was to be an instruction in how to behave amongst his people; as much as it was an explanation of why.  Pulling you to stand; he manhandled you into the correct stance, adjusting you until he was satisfied that you were stood correctly.  

Once ready, he instructed you to follow him.  Reminding you to keep your chin up and your gait smooth; to imagine you were wearing long flowing skirts and not your pyjama shorts.  He led you around the lounge; your feet bare and slapping against the polished floor of the living area.  His own booted feet tapping in a slower tempo as he watched you for any mistakes; pulling you to stand before him in an open area.  The sofas had been pushed back, and the table piled onto one of them.  The space cleared for the pair of you to stand, as General Hux directed you back into the starting position.  This time; placing one of your hands just below his shoulder on his left arm and keeping the other loosely held in his right hand.  Your fingers laid atop of his gentle grip on the palm of your hand.

“This is the correct form.  If anyone deviates from it or tries to appear less formal than the situation dictates for, then you do not worry about appearances.  You leave the dance floor; and if he will not let you; you signal to me to come and get you.”

He growled the last set of instructions around a tightly clenched jaw.  Letting you know the distaste he had for those who might abuse the innocence of a dance; and push for something more from you.  Slowly taking a deep breath, you realised what he was intending with all of these sudden instructions. 

“I can come with you?”

You spoke in an awed whisper; looking up at him.  Just catching the curl in the corners of his mouth before he corrected it.  His nod, only making your eyes spread wider in excitement and his own dance with a merriment that turned aside the coldness in their steely hue; showing that he was only ever too happy to see you pleased.

“If you can dance; then yes, I will take you for one dance.” 

He was ready to catch the grin you gave him; and you were equally as ready to catch yourself, before you decided on breaking your stance and hugging him excitedly.  Sure, as hell that you would not fail him on this one.  If you passed this hurdle and proved you could dance; he would permit you to attend for a short while.  You dipped your head in agreement, determined to take all of this in your stride and prove to him you were an adept pupil.  You wanted to be there at his side; even if only for that one dance.

“There will be others there; but a request to dance is not an order.  You have permission to say no; to anybody.”

Given the date with T’ulke, you had no reservations about him backing that one up.  Wondering impishly if the cadet-officer was going to be there.  Perhaps you should try and get him to dance with you.  Knowing that General Hux would read into it with jealousy; and that T’ulke would just see you as a friendly individual to share a dance with.         

“Are you ready?”

You nodded, and apologised for your distraction.  Waiting patiently as this time, he gave a command for music.   The room producing a low tinkling melody; a slow and steady song, that had a rhythm that was easy to follow.  Especially when he led you so expertly about the room.  Talking you through the movements until you gathered that the steps were just a simple placement of your feet in the gap he had vacated.  That if you ensured that you followed the last placement of his; then it was easy enough to do. 

“You are doing well.  But look up, do not follow your feet.”

After a while you grew brave enough to relax into the movements, and look up from his chest.  No longer tensing in worry that you followed incorrectly; you began to really enjoy the dance.  Listening intently for the tempo of the music, and rhythm of his breathing that would tell you when he would change directions.  Losing yourself entirely in the moment, the swirling around your makeshift dance floor, the longest he had been this close to you. 

There was no warning that he intended to twirl you; simply deciding to himself that you had progressed enough to try the more complicated movement.  Softly throwing you out and then curling you back towards his chest.   Pirouetting you on the balls of your heels.  Avoiding unbalancing yourself when he let go at the last moment, but taking a step closer than was apparently proper.  Leaving you to press the palms of your hand against either pectoral muscle, splayed flat either side of his heart to steady yourself from falling. 

He did not correct the mistake; if it even had been one.  Your brain screaming in trepidation as he held you there.  General Hux dismissing all previous warnings about where someone could touch you, to place both arms around your back.  One to the small of your back and the other higher; against your shoulder blade.  Keeping up the same timing with his steps, as he pressed your body to his.  Your head tucked just under his chin as he swayed in time with the music.  Sliding the backs of his knuckles down the back of your arm, and  taking your lead hand into his own. 

There was something different, in his acceptance of this closeness.  The action far from the totally innocent way, he would let you snuggle against him.  The movement on his behalf, born of a nonchalant ignorance as to what he did to himself.  Perhaps what was meant to begin with as a way of steadying you, was fast becoming something more to your sensitive skin.  Each cell of it erupting in pleasantly icy shivers; your own body answering the intent in his.

Time must have changed for the lyrics to have changed; but for you it stood completely still.  Whilst all around you the world went on; here in this small bubble it had no meaning.  You permitted him to press himself to you.  Your sleepwear scant and thin clinging to you, in the tighter embrace.  The tightly woven wool of his tunic rubbing at your bared nipples through the thin fabric of the oversized t-shirt you wore.  The friction creating an effect against the hardening flesh that almost made you gasp and rub yourself harder into the sensation. 

Somehow you knew this was wrong, that this had been what he had refused to give to you.  But drowning yourself in his scent, you were helpless to do more than let him lead.  The closeness you felt at having him pressed to you like this; a dizzy rush of excitement.  His eyes serious and black as thunder when he looked down at you; yet filled with a light that suggested you would happily die in that storm.    

Quietly you whined, a low noise that began in your stomach and crept up to the vocal chords in your throat.  Unsure sure where the need to make the noise had come from; your entire body acting on impulse for what it wanted.  Bit by bit, his head lowered; your breathing quickening as his own answer to your repeated whine was a soft purr.  Low and dangerous it sent butterflies through your stomach, as he bent to rub his cheek against yours.  His shaven skin still rougher than your own tender cheeks.  The sensation like a cotton sand paper, rough enough to further warm you; but not enough to hurt you.

“Now this is why it is considered unfitting.”

Tears caught in the corner of your eyes. Frustrated that this was all another lesson, pushed aside when you realised he had yet to move.   He was as caught up in this as you were, the only difference was that he knew how to lead and you did not. 

Tutting he bent to kiss your right temple.  High up and to the corner of your eye, he must have tasted salt to lean for the other side.  Soft pecks to your skin that kissed away the watery tracts and made you gasp for air.  Forgetting you knew how to breath even as they lowered again to the last drop of salt near the corner of your mouth. 

Your head spun.  Unable to take in the words that he murmured into your ear.  His breath tickling the soft shell of it, and sending a line of liquid fire down your spine.  Making you shudder almost noticeably in his arms, a tightening forming in your belly that threatened to consume you.  He had sworn he would not be your first kiss, but you wondered as he looked down at you if he would try.  His eyes full of a deliciously feral hunger you wanted to bait him for, your own innocent and pleading for him to abuse that naivety.

The rush of noise then, that broke through that happy little reverie was monstrous in it timing.  A thundering claxon reverberating throughout the entire Star Destroyer; that even to your untrained ears screamed a warning of danger.  The General springing into action and typing into a control panel on the wall.  Removing his side arm from the lockbox and strapping it to him.  Reading through a list of controls; as he placed an earpiece to his left ear.  Moving around the room, to check over other data pads; your dance completely forgotten.

“Whatever happens stay in this room; do not leave it until I or another officer comes for you.”

He spoke to you almost as an afterthought, and for all he seemed calm; you could practically taste the worry.  He was putting on a brave face for you, but something had to have gone wrong.  Something which given the urgent way he moved, you could ask about later.  Right now, he needed to be somewhere.  Siren like this did not just sound for no reason aboard a military Star-destroyer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well at least one of you knows what he taught her to dance to....


	13. Let me be your armour

At first you had been concerned at General Hux leaving you so suddenly.  Then as time went on and the noise increased; that nervousness gave way to an annoyed boredom.  Pacing the room, you honestly were beside yourself with what to do.  Alternating between a coldness that made you crawl back into his bed for warmth; and a panic fuelled heat that had you restlessly searching for something to do.

You had completely given up all hope of either the relaxing night under his sheets or attending the gala; neither seemed a possibility now.  Where before there had been an almost inaudible hum to the room; now was nothing.  Not even when you strained your ears, the distant sounds of the engines firing.  When the sirens had thankfully ceased their incessant clanging; it had left the ship in an eerie and total silence.

You didn’t know what to do. If something was going on, something that threatened your safety; then he should have been in contact to give you further instructions.  At the very least he could use the com system to tell you if you should be dressed and ready for danger; or to go back to bed and nap though whatever disaster General Hux was facing.

His last words were to wait.  To not leave these very rooms, and yet something told you whatever was happening outside this room was bad.  Without warning there sounded a series of three loud bangs, then a sizzling noise; almost like Ren’s sabre when it ignited.  The entire room juddering around you; sending the room into total and consuming darkness; the kind you could only achieve in space.  The force of it sending you dropping to your knees, and skidding across the room.  The unfixed furniture, flown across the room to land in once corner.  The impact taking you with it, and leaving you in a pile under it.  The sharp chrome edges leaving you cut and bruised in places.

Groaning, you made yourself move.  As much to clear a path from the debris in the darkness; as much as to ensure that you were okay.  Relieved beyond measure when with a flicker the emergency lighting triggered itself.  Bathing the room in a thick blood-red glow, that perhaps signalled more danger than you realised.  The room was a mess; and heading into the living area you found it no better.  Piles of broken crockery, mixed with the contents of the other kitchenette cupboards.  Piles of the haphazardly placed furniture has landed everywhere.  The transpara steel table shattered to mere crystal shards, spread over the polished floor.  The wire frame bent into a strange angle, one leg snapped off; and beneath it a jumbled pile of General Hux’s data pads.  Your own written work, somewhere amongst it and probably also destroyed. 

This was not the time to worry over such trivialities; noticing also that at some point the opening mechanisms on the door had triggered.  Leaving it, and when you looked; every other door in the complex of living quarters open.  It was scary, and not knowing what to do; you decided that at the very least you could not stay here.  You needed to be amongst people; needed to someone to tell you that it was not as serious a risk as your imagination told you it was.

It was getting even colder in your room.  A through search of the mess of the wardrobe in your room; produced at least socks and a sturdy pair of shoes.  The same boots you had worn on Cadannia; the First Order military issued ones.  You didn’t bother to look for a coat or a jumper; the warmest thing you had was the plain officer’s tunics you wore daily.  Somewhere in General Hux’s room was his greatcoat; but it was lost under the pile of his belongings.  In one of the draws was a PT jacket, and you pulled it on.  The hemline hanging past your knees; but still longer than the tiny sleep shorts you wore and warmer than your oversized t-shirt.

Crunching over the broken transpara steel, you made your way over the debris of his rooms and into the hall.  All lights off in the adjacent rooms; their occupants not as important to the ship’s wellbeing as the man who resided in your quarters.  Just the corridor’s main lighting.  Still flickering and hissing; leading a dully lit path towards the open doors of the waiting turbo lift.        

Inside the lift it was dark.  Lit by a large red, circular button that did not indicate its direction; but the only option if you did not want to go back to General Hux’s room and wait.  Adrenaline making your decision for you, you drew a deep breath.  Raising your shaky hand; you pressed the heel of your hand to it; feeling light headed and dizzy in the small space.  The air feeling strange and perhaps a little thin; making your lungs work harder to recover the much needed air. 

The doors slid shut far faster than they ever had before.  Snapping into place, and forming a tight seal as the turbo lift sped off to its preprogramed destination.  Spitting you out at the end of a much shorter, but darker corridor in a part of the ship you had never been to.

At first you thought to go back.  No stranger to the smells of blood and the scent of the dying; you could smell it here.  The air was thick with it for all there was still that dreaded silence; the only sounds distant drippings of coolant through the vents.  But the turbo lift was dead; not even the single button left to operate it; and the doors hung open.  There was no choice now but to go forwards.  Ensuring you kept your footfalls slow and steady; not wanting to risk them echoing and being heard by someone. 

At least the air felt better here; and there was not the panicked feeling that you were not getting enough oxygen.  It was just the smell.  Mixed into it was a waft of burning flesh, and turning the sharp bend in the corridor; you came upon the reason why.

You guessed it to be a control room of some sort; for all each computer was dead.  The lights gone, but the vast chamber lit by the space outside.  A scene you would have found beautiful and awe inspiring, has it not have come with its very own sense of terror and isolation.  You were alone, the only living thing in here; the light of a million stars reflected off each shiny and polished chrome and transpara steel panel.  Huge plains of the transparasteel, spanned triangular gaps in amongst the durasteel frame work of the enormous view port.  The floor beneath a reflective black glassy thing, littered with the charred bodies of electrocuted, First Order officers. 

Heart thumping; you checked amongst them.  Finding no traces of General Hux; but you stomach no less eased by that discovery.  Realising as you looked, that not all had died from a power surge through the navigational computers.  Some looked to have suffered further injuries, and many had drawn their weapons; some still clutching them in their cold hands. 

It sickened you to see such carnage.  The slaughter so reminiscent of the yearly ritual sacrifices of the Yuuzhan Vong; that you doubled over and vomited.  Creating wet splatters on the floor of the Finalizer, that blended into the viscera already coating it.  Wiping you hand on the back of one sleeve, you stood up.  Nudging a sidearm from one of the officers, with your foot.  Wishing as you reached to grab it; that you could summon the bravery to reach over the spilling entrails and close her eyes.  Stepping back with a wordless thank you for the weapon.  Clutching it to you ready as you searched for the exit from this blood bath.  Avoiding looking down at the two recesses in the floor, as you crossed the deserted walk way above and wishing your feet didn’t clack so on the hard floor.

There was no doubt in your mind, about how dangerous a place this was to be right now.  You wanted to run.  To give into the urge to find somewhere small to hide in; but you knew better than to create more noise than was necessary.  You were beyond terrified.  The slaughter was horrifying to behold; but you had seen worse on Cadannia.  That was not what concerned you.  It was that unlike Cadannia; you had no place to hide from it, when it came for you.  There were no trees; no thick overgrown brushland to hide amongst.  If you were lucky and death came for you here, there would be no escape; only at best a swift blaster bolt to end you.  Worse still if it did not, how long would it take to starve on a seemingly deserted ship; with no way of knowing how to call for help?   

Treading lightly; you forced yourself to ensure that every movement, was deliberate and slow.  Holding your breath at each intersection and listening out for the tell tail signs of unknown footfalls.  Fervently wishing that you had listened and just stayed at home.  You were getting close to something; and yet, still you had not found a single space to hide.  There were the distant sounds of blaster bolts ringing off distant walls.  Small bursts that seemed to end with screaming, if they did not start with them.  And littered on the floor, were more bodies.  These a mix of the enamel white stormtroopers; and humans in less formal clothing.  The only thing suggesting them to be a unit; their choice of colours.  Each variant of shirt and trousers a kaki green; the occasional name or possibly a rank sewn onto them in basic aurebesh.  Shots sounded closer.  Giving into panic; you sped up your movements.  Pressing at each control panel and finding them either dead; or unresponsive to your touch. 

You should have known better.  There was no way you would be cleared for entry into these rooms; they would be set to a security clearance level you would not have access to.  For all you lived with General Hux, you were not granted access.  You were not a part of the First Order; General Hux and been adamant that that was for the best.

Thudding on the last door in frustration; you almost screamed a choice expletive or two.  Grateful that you hadn’t when a sharp clatter came.  A metal object ringing as it hit the floor of the far end of the corridor.  Nearly wetting yourself in fear, when it hissed a yellow smoke; only to be followed by shots.  The green and red bolts flying through the fog; bright enough to be seen even through the opaque mist.  This small fight, the closest you had yet to come to the violence that was going on, elsewhere around you on the space ship.

You ran up the corridor.  Realising as a shot rang off the wall beside you that you had lost your pilfered blaster.  Two more came, and you were still running; heedless of where you stepped in your panic.  Your only thought to escape the dark shaped that seemed to loom in the fog behind you.  Foolishly turning to look behind you, to discover the many shapes had melded into one single body; and that body was swiftly heading in your direction.  

You were not clearly marked as First Order; and neither were you dressed similar enough to the attackers.  You had to get out of here.  Whoever that was; he would shoot first and then ask questions later.  Either army was a threat to you; and you had to escape both.  Your only hope now was to get to General Hux; or someone else who knew you.  You had to keep going, and now that you had been discovered, it did not matter how quiet you were.  Without a place to hide; he would kill you. 

The lighting seemed to grow poorer and the bodies thicker; the further you went.  One catching you by surprise as a hand gripped you as you passed.  Glassy eyes staring up at you as the assailant reached for his blaster; and you fell over.  Your hands unable to catch purchase on the blood-slick floor; and bringing you almost face first into the man’s missing stomach.  The floor was a mess of smeared entrails.  The man’s face showing not the malice that you had expected; but a plea for death. 

Ever the coward; you could not give it to him.  Remembering too late the man approaching you from behind.  A hand suddenly clasping over your mouth and dragging you out of the dying man’s grasp.  Turning you away from it, before a heavy thud and a crack signalled his end.  Caught in the firm grip, you fought to free yourself and get away; your bladder threating to void itself in the panic, all over you and your kidnapper.  Your struggles fuelled by pure panic, your eyes wide with terror.  Your heart beating far faster than you ever thought possible; and your breathing erratic.   The shouts that you tried to make for help were neutralised; your screams too thickly muffled by the palm of your kidnapper, to be heard.

“Hush; it’s me.”

Your body went floppy with pure unadulterated relief.  The alarm that you had felt before; gone as you allowed your feet to fall back against the tiled floor and stopped kicking out at him.  Freed from his grasp, you turned and flung yourself into the arms of the one man who would save you from this nightmare.  Completely disregarding the splatters of blood over his white dress uniform to slot yourself where you were most secure. 

“We have been boarded.  I kriffing told you to remain in my quarters! I could have sealed the rooms off from the remainder of that section; you would have been safe there until we fully repelled them back to their ships.”

He pushed you off him.  Holding your shoulder at arms-length and glaring down at you.  For all he was trying to keep himself from scaring you too much by shouting; he was still very cross at you.   Not so much at you defying him, as he was at the horror of having you here with him.  He was worried you were going to get hurt, and apparently that thought made him very angry. 

Swallowing, you tried to mumble an apology to sooth him.  Your words catching in your throat, as without warning he suddenly pulled you back to his chest.  Sighing deeply as he held you close to him and kissed the top of your head.  Both of his arms wrapped firmly around your shoulders; his grip on you painful, and far tighter than you ever would have expected of him. 

“You are safe; that is all that matters for now.”

You could sense the relief in the word safe.  Suggestive that he had tried before you got here to make it so.  His grip still like iron; but you knew better than to complain that he was hurting you. Honestly, you could not care that he was.  Your body happy to sacrifice a few extra spaces of unblemished skin, to his bruising hold; in exchange for the comfort of his embrace. 

“Are you hurt?”

You shook your head, and murmured no; General Hux letting go of you to perform his own visual checks on you.  His movements hurried; but his actions still through.  His face telling you exactly what he thought of your choice of attire.  You must have looked a mess.  Blood smeared skin and heavy boots.  His sweatshirt hanging over dirty, grazed knees; hardly a sensible outfit to have on now.  But you supposed the armour the stormtroopers had not in the end protected them.  Their bodies thrown to the ground at odd angles.  Their limbs arranged all wrong; their steel plates had not helped them to survive.

“Who is it?”

You gestured down at the unfamiliar bodies.  Sickened by the needless waste of human life.  Your gaze flitting over them all at random until it fell heaviest on the man who had gripped your leg.

General Hux had done for him, what he had asked of you.  Though perhaps in a far crueller way than perhaps you would had done; he now lay dead.  Efficient as always, he had used the only free limb he had.  Unable to shoot him for fear of the noise attracting others to you, he had instead literally stomped the attacker’s brains out.  And not just because he was the enemy; but because he had frightened you when he touched you.  Another time or place; and you would have been petrified by General Hux’s actions.  But one look at that man, and you knew with a certainty you could not place, that you would be getting out of here alive.  Your daddy was ruthless, and right now enough to make sure you lived another day. 

“Resistance boarders; we have nearly destroyed them all.  The ship is dead; but Commander Ren has got word to Supreme Leader; back up is imminent but I have to get you to a safe place and hide you there until it comes.”

General Hux was most specific in his wishes that you were not to become a soldier; and because of that he spoke little of his work.  Yes, he often worked from home on an evening, meaning that you caught snippets of information on the war he was fighting.  But one thing he had spoken of freely was his dislike of the Resistance.  He hated it so much that the name fell off his tongue like pure poison.  So, to think they had disabled and boarded his ship, must have only heaped more fuel on the fires of his rage.

Taking you hand in his spare one, he led you from the little alcove you had been stood in.  Twice as careful now, to check each junction.  Pushing you aside were there was room, to engage in dogfighting with the invaders, and keeping you behind him where there was not.  Determined to act as a human shield if it meant getting you to safety.  The danger he seemed to put himself in; a far off second place, to the inherent need, to ensure you made it to his picked destination alive.  Mercifully, his aim for all his worry too perfect to even consider thinking about what you would do if he missed. 

“You okay?”

You nodded; you were not, but this was absolutely the last place, you needed to have a melt-down in. The last exchange of fire power, was particularly nasty.  But General Hux had taken no prisoners, each attacking member of the resistance, now lay dead on the cold floor.  He spoke little to you, instead guiding you across the slippery corridors, making you duck behind parapets as he had shot down, at another group in a walk way below.  There seemed to be an endless supply of boarders; making even your inexperienced mind wonder how so many had entered this quickly.  Surely there had not been a spy, or a betrayal; how would they have gotten themselves onto the ship?

You had reached a thick and ominous looking door.  The power to the access box still thankfully working, and General Hux slid his access cylinder in and then pushed you into it.  Checking behind himself before he stepped in and closed the door shut.  Pressing numerically marked buttons to apparently create a dead lock; and warning you with a whisper in your ear to be very alert.

“In a minute, I will flush the atmosphere from the remainder of my ship, and open all vents.  It will deal with the boarders there; but not in this part.  We are not at ease yet.”

Suddenly there was a whoosh, and despite the heavy blast doors, you could still hear noises behind it.  Thuds and clanks, as the leaking pressure took with it all unsecured furniture, bodies; and you told yourself people too.  It was a reasonable thing to do, you knew that.  These people had boarded his ship; and he had to protect it.  But you were still unsettled by the horrors of war.  General Hux was correct, you would not have made a good soldier; you were too soft, too kind.

“Quietly, those Resistance-scum will still be about.  Kylo Ren is very much enjoying himself at their expense; but even he cannot fight them all.”

“How did they get here?”

Perhaps it was the wrong time to ask questions, but you were terrified; and he did not need to know that.  Instead you tried to pretend you were braver than you felt, and ask the more grown up, responsible questions.  Never thinking for one moment that he would take a moment to hug you, one arm wrapped around you whilst he still searched the corridor.  Blaster in hand and primed for action.

“A traitor I expect given their numbers.  But they have had this planned for a while; the ship is completely disabled; we are floating dead in space. But back up is coming; your safest place now is with me.”

You swallowed and feigned a smile.  Once that showed him more that you were trying to be braver for him than you felt. There was no way given his attempts at comforting you, that he believed for one moment that you were not frightened.  He could probably see you trembling, let alone hear the chatter of your teeth; or the vibrations of it in his arms.  He accepted your bravado, and as thanks, gave into little touches that kept you on top of your fears.  You didn’t need him to tell you the lengths he would go to, to keep you safe.  He had already purged his ship for you; and now hidden in broad sight in his words was the unspoken realisation, that he would take a shot for you.  You would be safe, if he made you the last person standing; he was adamant that you were going to come out of this unscathed. 

“Ready?”

He would wait had you of asked him to, but you knew that to stand still was a bad tactic.  Better to keep moving, than to become a sitting target.  Better to find them first and to pick them off before they did you.  You motioned for him to lead on, grateful that he thought to manage your emotional stability, as much as your physical in all of this. 

There were more dead bodies, and you stepped over them; listening to the sounds of blaster fire ahead.  The visibility still thick with an opaque pollutant, thankfully not one that made it difficult to breathe in though.

Both of you had thought the space behind you dead; or at least all occupants in it dead.  So the sudden shuffling behind you made you jump, clutching at your thigh and biting your tongue in the agony that followed.  Desperate not to make a noise, as you pitched forwards, the worst pain you had ever experienced bringing you to your knees.

General Hux’s reaction speed was immediate; turning and shooting without thinking.  Taking out the Resistance soldier who had shot you; with extreme prejudice; before turning to catch you.  You acted quickly, aware you could taste blood in your mouth and he could see it.  Sticking out your tongue to show him, that it was just that.  Your leg throbbing, and blood trickling down into your boot.  The General’s face whiter than you ever thought possible, without being dead.

He reached amongst the bodies of the dead.  Pulling a small packet from one of the stormtroopers and opening it to reveal a needless syringe.  Swiping at your leg he inserted the nozzle as close to the wound sight as you would permit him, before swiping at your wrist and holding it off it and the syringe above the hole.

“This will hurt at first.”

He stressed the word hurt for maximum emphasis and he was not lying.  The liquid entering it burnt like the wound was been filled with hot oil.  A scalding sensation spreading, before it spread to fill the crevasse in your skin.  The blue-white liquid foaming as it expanded until it had sealed off the hole, then the warmth settling into something almost pleasantly comfortable.  Analgesics in the gel you realised, as the area around the wound soon went numb to all but the heaviest of touches.

To your credit, you were too used to the frequent beatings of the Yuuzhan Vong, to not be practiced enough not to hold your breath and close your mouth to the scream that came as he filled it.  But it still was the most agonising experience of your life, more so than the painful blaster shot.  When you could breathe again, it was to discover tears had escaped the corners of your eyes.  The moisture leaking down each cheek to be gently brushed aside by the man who kept hushing you. 

General Hux should have been cross enough at you, to at least show it.  Not this gentleness that he kept up towards you, whilst in total juxtaposition, he had butchered everything that had threatened to kill you.  Moving silently as he once more pulled you to your feet to begin the next stage of the journey.  Instructing you once more, to keep behind him; slowing his pace for your limp. 

You heard first the screams, then blaster bolts fired; an overwhelming sense of panic pushing towards you.  Followed behind by the sounds of running steps; the smell of charred flesh and fabric hot on the heels of the sounds.  A single Resistance-trooper running through the filtering of smoke, his blaster raised ready and aimed at General Hux’s back.  Behind him strode Kylo Ren, masked and sabre drawn; its purpose meant for the loathsome boarder.  Behind the General, Kylo Ren’s spare hand shot forwards in an open claw.  An invisible tether pulling the runner back to himself; and away from yourself and General Hux.  It was a good plan.  One that would have worked had the Resistance member, not still had a loaded blaster, and the presence of mind not to use it on the man detaining him; but the one who had positioned himself as your human shield.  

What happened next was so cruel, so unfair that you had not the strength to give rise to the despair that bubbled up in its wake; trying to refill the hollow space left by numbed apathy.  The soldier fired off several shots; and the General returned fire.  His aim was better than the trooper, but he didn’t want to risk hitting Kylo Ren instead.  Three precise shots into the meat of the man’s chest, ones that should have left the man disabled and not able to fire one last shot.  The green bolt arching through the air and finding its mark; hitting your General to the right of his chest.  The shot instantly disabling the man, and dropping him to his knees.  His face grey and covered with a thick covering of cold sweat as you caught him, struggling to break his fall and lower the heavier man to a more kindly fall.  Ignoring the horror in his eyes as he touched at your cheek, and instead looking over to Kylo Ren.  Your own eyes wide, and full of an honest pleading.      

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On holiday for a few days. So unless I get bored it will be a while before I update; sorry...


	14. I'm out here without a shield, can't go back, now...

The trooper who had shot your daddy, was quickly finished off by Kylo Ren.  The loud snap as the man’s neck gave out under the pressure of the enormous man’s paw, perhaps the most justifying thing you had ever heard.  Yet it was still not enough.  That man had seen only a quick death, he would not know what it was like to live with the fear you now faced.  He had no real consequences, to the devastation you would now face if the man beneath you died.

“Help me.” 

Your plea went out to the only man capable of stopping this nightmare from unfolding.  Blood seeping slowly between your fingertips; dripping beneath the slotted metal work beneath you.  General Hux was heavy; and you had of course, put pressure on the shot wound; the second General Hux had fallen flat.  His eyes showing a tinge of fear to them, you hoped never to see again in another human; as his fingers touched your cheek one last time. 

Now as he slipped from consciousness into pain free oblivion, you did not let up on your grip; too afraid even to check for vitals as you shoved wads of the oversized sleeves onto the fountain of blood.  Begging Commander Ren to step in and help.  To do anything that would save him.

“Here; move aside.”

The synthesiser in his mask always made it harder to read Kylo Ren’s honest intentions; than his raw voice did.  But you still moved hopefully aside.  Quickly showing an inherent eagerness, to obey the larger man.  Commander Ren was used to battle and its many horrors; you were not. 

“I am doing this for you and not him; you can tell General Hux that when he wakes up.”

You nodded, not caring why he helped him; just pleased that he was.  Watching as he seemed to effortlessly scoop to lift the General from the dirty floor.  Stepping to one side as he began retracing his steps; carrying your daddy back along the corridor.  There had been no sense of panic to Kylo Ren’s voice, but he still hurried his steps.  Compensating for your own worry, with his speed.  The length of each of his strides double your own smaller steps and making you have to run to keep up.  Desperate not to lose him, and be separated from the precious cargo he carried for you. 

It was not long before he discovered a rapidly approaching medi-team.  One he himself had doubtless summoned for the General.  The grey clad medical officers carrying with them a life support stretcher. Its top shaped like a rigid transparasteel coffin, open and ready for their General. 

The medics stood respectfully to one side, allowing Kylo Ren to approach it and lay the unconscious General Hux out into it.  Stepping back as it sealed around him; and instantly began a scan of his injuries.  The readings continuing as the team sped off with him, and you tried to follow.

“Not yet; you too are injured.”

Kylo Ren’s voice was a gentle order to call you back from following.  Making you watch forlornly whilst they ran away with him.  Taking General Hux further from you; threatening to leave you alone and bereft of the man who cared for you.  Shaking yourself; you pushed to try and clear a path past the patiently waiting Kylo Ren.  Almost snarling in open contempt of his actions; when one of his broad hands clasped your shoulder, and held tightly to you in warning.  Then at your struggling; dropped to your waist, to stop you from moving forwards to follow them down the narrow corridor.  Ignoring your protests that your injuries could wait.  Never letting up his hold on you, despite your loudly and rudely spoken protests to let you go so that you could catch up with the medic-team.  You scowled up at the cold frontage of his mask.  The chrome parts mirroring back at you an image of some half-crazed wildling. Covered in dirty and bloody smears; you looked awful, but it was nothing to consider right now.  You were not unconscious in a life support vessel.

“This one is also injured.  But be careful; the General, as do I, value her wellbeing well above your own.”

You looked to see who the cold mechanised voice had addressed.  There was a threat in that voice; that at least carried through the vocoder.  Or maybe it was the sudden stiffening of the man opposite you that affirmed Kylo Ren’s intentions should you not be taken care of.  Still struggling to be free, you pushed off him, your protests sadly getting weaker and the pain returning like an annoying itch to your leg.  Realising for the first time, that perhaps you had taken a larger injury than your system was allowing you to fully realise.  Kylo Ren was not about to let you go after him; and he could hold you like this much longer than you could struggle. 

“If I go with him, can I see General Hux afterwards?”

He must have been able to sense the deception in your voice as you offered a compromise.  He was too well gifted not to realise the promise you made to yourself, that as soon as you were able to you would bolt.  But still he nodded once.  Dipping his chin in an almost imperceptible agreement to your petty attempts to strike a bargain with him. 

“I am needed back aboard the Finalizer anyway.”

Your concern was too much for General Hux, to realise that he was informing you, that you had changed ship.  But it was enough for now, and you stopped struggling.  Your eyes settling coldly, on a nervously waiting medical officer.  Scowling as you realised that he would try his best to stay your true course of intentions.  The man was older than you; but not by much.  Dressed in a light grey tunic and trousers; he stood unobtrusively and alone to one corner of the tiny side chamber.  This one nervously waiting on standby to be told what to do; but equally as terrified in the presence of the Commander.  It left you with mixed feelings that this one was to be left in sole charge of your own safety.   

“Um, if you follow miss; then I’ll lead to the medicenter and get someone to look at you.”

The man’s voice was full of anxious trepidation and his face was white with too honest concern and distaste at his given task.  Making you realise quickly that he had no real idea who you were; and that Kylo Ren had deliberately not told him.  There would have been many visiting dignitaries; many of whom would have already been onboard when the attack happened.  Given you were not in uniform and he had only Kylo Ren’s instructions that you were to be kept safe; then who was to say who you were.  In all this mess you would have guessed that it was impossible for him to tell if you were not a higher ranking official.  You were no idiot; and he was too well conditioned to follow his orders.  

“No! you lead me to General Hux.”

You narrowed your eyes, and stood as straight as your exhausted body could manage.  Placing your hands onto your hips, and practically stamping your feet in annoyance.  You at least were walking; which had to count for something.  Poor General Hux was unconscious somewhere; alone and being treated for and injury that was by rights your fault.  He never would have been shot if it had not been for you.  If you had just waited in your room like he told you so, then he would not have been putting himself at risk to save you.   

“I can’t miss, I don’t have any clearance aboard the Supremacy.”

You stiffened Kylo Ren had hinted that you too were no longer aboard the Finalizer; but how had you switched without boarding a shuttle.  The Supremacy was supposed to be another ship.  You didn’t like this he was not supposed to be there.  Especially not if She was there with him too.  Images of Dr Amara treating him came to mind.  Almost nightmarish in their suggestion, that this was just the driving force he needed to convince himself; you really were not old enough for him and that instead she was perfect.  Making you blurt out an order that still sounded whinny and panicky; even to your own ears. 

 “Then find me someone who does!”

You didn’t think in your entire adult life, you had ever shouted at someone like you did that unfortunate officer.  The man almost jumping, to assure you that he would help you out; but after.  No doubt driven by the terror of the onus put upon him by Kylo Ren to keep you safe and to ensure you were treated by medics.

“After I have treated you, yes miss.  But your dressing won’t hold long, it needs treatment; if Kylo Ren-”

You were already moving; aware through his words of the lie he had spoken.  He had no intentions of leading you to General Hux, and he did if needed have the clearance to get you there.  Disgustingly dirty and shoddily dressed as you were, he was taking you nowhere until he had checked with someone who you were; and aboard the Supremacy it could very well have been Dr Amara.  There was no way, she would permit you to make sure your daddy was okay; she would do everything to keep you away.   

You almost ran, not at all sure where you were going.  But storming off in what you hoped was the right sort of direction to follow General Hux’s medical team.  Ignoring the officer’s further pleas to stop, and the added slow trickle of blood that ran down your leg and into your boot.  Making your socks sticky with it, and perhaps signalling he was right about the field dressing. 

“You can’t go in there miss.”

The woman who paused you spoke with a clear tone of authority.  Her arm spreading as a pointless barricade to a transpara steel door that separated the corridor in two.  Another sturdier looking door several paces behind that and completely sealed closed.  She too was dressed as a medical officer, and quickly you tried pushing past her.  Ignoring her attempts to retrain you with a growing furious need to be past her.  He voice betraying her surprise at being challenged; and the strength of the fight that you put up.  Making you gather from the two guards on the door, and her worried expression that he was the most likely occupant to this room. 

“Restrain her now.”

The panic had been there in the order to restrain, this door held your daddy, and nothing was going to keep you back from him.  The order had been given to no one in particular; but only the other medical officer offered to try to help her struggles with you.  His arms wrapping around your chest, and earning himself a particularly sharp bite.  Your teeth giving only a warning nip, before he tried again, and you bit even harder.  the horrified the woman trying to help him get you off him, and earning herself a few scratches to the face or any other part of her left uncovered and too close to you. 

“Get me a bloody sedative NOW!  The stupid bitch is practically feral; who the hell is she.”

Her order was for the medical officer, and this time she yelled at the stormtroopers stationed to guard the door, to help her restrain you.  Each one shrugging before, gingerly trying to pry you off her.  Careful to hold you steadily and away from the chinks in their armour; whilst the medical officer ran for the necessary drugs.  Their armoured handling of you was much kinder that the glowering medical officer.  Perhaps because they were better aware of who you were than she was; and as such took care to avoid any possible future repercussions from their leader.

“I have it, hold her steady.”

The sound of his voice rang hollow down the corridor, signalling that your time was up and your efforts had been wasted.  This echoing steps ringing off the tiles as you counted his approaching footsteps.  You had one chance and you had to move swiftly.  She had once again put herself in your range and this time when you caught at her flesh you bit hard. Scissoring your teeth and tasting her blood too, as she screamed.  Slapping you and relinquishing her control of you over to the armoured guards.  The male medical officer, using the sudden gap to pounce on you, and pressed the sharp point of a needle into your side.    

“What the blazes is going on out here!”

The man who had exited the door looked older than anyone you had ever seen; and perhaps that was a little of why he earned so much respect as you spoke to him.

“I just want to see him,”

Your words were slow.  But thankfully not yet mumbled; the drugs had not begun their work just yet.  Your tears falling freely, too tired and too concerned for General Hux and that the adrenaline had left you, to care how you looked to everyone else. 

“it’s all my fault that he got hurt.”

The man looked down at you, his thick bushy eyebrows knitting completely together in his frown as he looked down at you.  His face suddenly a kindly, almost fatherly understanding.  His expression meant for you; if still not for the other two and the mess they had caused.  

“The droid is just finishing up closing the wound.  He had lost a lot of blood but he will be fine; you can go in once they are done.”

You nodded and smiled.  Though that added a sense of relief was perhaps not the best thing for you.  It left you boneless and weakened as your body finally gave into the stress it had undergone and stopped fighting the drugs.  You had to lean to one side and prop yourself up against the door, listening to him begin to lecture the other two.

“She is the General’s ward!  Did neither of you stop to wonder why the guards did not intervein to stop her. I mean look at her! In what world is she a threat to you.”

Both medical officers were covered in a mass of superficial scratches and bite marks.  But he was right, you were not about to take them down; you lacked the aptitude.  Your only panicked concern had been to get at the waiting door; purely to make sure the General was okay.  Now at least the two medical officers looked shocked.  Their guilt and apprehension becoming harder to hide from one another and you too.  You were beginning though to feel sick and dizzy; and not from your won guilt at your behaviour. 

The drug now coursing your system was meant as a way of controlling you, but not to completely knock you out.  The sensation completely unpleasant, just like being too drunk; almost too much like the poison the Yuuzhan Vong had meant for Kylo Ren.  You felt the need to vomit, but it wouldn’t come.  Nor now would your words.  Taking a step towards the older man, you tried your damned hardest though.  Your inability to protect yourself completely from the other two, meaning you had to take your chances with him.  Hoping that once done he put you somewhere safer than they were going to; hopefully near General Hux.     

As your legs buckled out from under you, the older officer caught you.  Allowing you to rest on him, before he moved you.  Your arms around his shoulder, as he half carried you to the waiting gurney.  The short path to the waiting medibay suddenly much further away for all you wanted to greet the rest it promised like an old friend.  Lifting you onto it he groaned with the effort, but managed with a strength that belied his age, and tilting you so that you could better be assessed.

“I suppose it isn’t too much to ask that one of you two clean her up and tend to her wounds?  Preferably before the General wakes up, or worse Kylo Ren arrives back.”

You shook your head; or at least you tried your hardest to.  But you were unable to protest the touch of either attending physician.  Instead you were forced to just lay there.  Your body unresponsive to your commands; but your mind completely aware of what was going on around you.  Blinking periodically as you were forced to suffer their presence.  Both their touches and the cold detached brief discussions about your care.  Aware enough to feel the prick of the needle and the subsequent drag of the thread, as they closed up your wound.  Then press of a cannula to one arm, followed by the pulse of an added bag of blood.  Both of them discussing your care and paying little attention to you.  Their movements staggered and strange as they moved, atop of your fully conscious mind until your eyes closed to the sickly swaying. 

Tears prickled your eyes, as you lay there.  Not so much aware of the pain of it all; but the sensations of a wet cloth on your skin.  Both of them, washing and drying you.  Before assisting you into a clean medical gown.  Leaving you mostly alone, but returning periodically; taking turns to monitor your vitals.  Meanwhile inside your head you screamed to be in the room with your General; to know that he really was okay; rather than to be left here alone.  Cursing yourself over your stupidity and the restraining drugs.

Time had passed when a familiar voice cut through your thoughts; making you force your heavy eyelids open to him.  The owner sounding not at all pleased about something, as he conversed with the older sounding voice of General Hux’s physician. 

“It was all done without my consent Commander Ren.  Had I known she was even here; well let us just say I have a daughter; one of as similar age; and I would not approve of her being treated like this.  The poor child is in shock; which given what she has been through is more than understandable.”

The physician, genuinely was appalled by his underlings’ treatment of you.  Especially as he was so quick to explain why.  The older man assuring Kylo Ren that he had done his best; but that understandably General Hux was his priority.  Something that resonated badly with Kylo Ren; but still something that he understood.     

Tensed steps came closer; your heart leaping to see the owner stood before you and crouching down to look at you.  Admittedly masked, but still radiating furry at seeing you so helpless; so annoyed.  This time you heard, not the mechanised masked voice of Kylo Ren; but the emotion filled voice of the man it contained.  Your arms uselessly trying to reach for him, as you tried to beg for him to get you out of here; wishing you too could tell him how badly the two medical officers had treated you.

_“What have they done to you?”_

It was not a question, but still you tried to explain.  Your own thoughts like his, indignant at their treatment of you.  Just as you also felt a touch of pride from him, when you remembered the face of the female officer and the bite marks you would have left them.  You were pleased that since they had over reacted and done this, that at least you had managed to damage them too.  Behind the mask, you could sense and amusement to Kylo Ren’s actions; and when he spoke again it carried into his voice.  Still raw and unfiltered; the emotions easy enough to read.

_“Trust me little one, I know; they will be dealt with.”_

He was proud of you for fighting, and determined to at least hunt them down and see their wounds for himself.  Something that you encouraged him to do; savagely hoping he would add a few for himself.  Gently there was another reminder to shush and to stop fighting him.  As well as a suggestion that he found your attack on the officers amusingly justified; but also, a dark undertone. One that added another suggestion, that if he did not find the injuries you had inflicted on them punishment enough, he would appease you and add his own.

 _“I am going to lift you._   _Now hold on whilst I get you back to daddy; I am sure he misses you too.”_

You were still unable to move your eyes, but you were if anything more aware of everything else around you.  The slide of a pair of arms under your back, and then the dizzying, swaying as you were being moved; and pressed to the rough wool of his surcoat.  The never changing expanse of black less sickening to focus on than the constantly moving walls.  The sensation of sightless movement, still making you feel panicky, for all you could do nothing about it.  But his battle worn smells of death and metal sparks comforting, as he carried you close to his chest.  It was okay to close your eyes again, this was another man who would, if it came to it; kill for you.  Another who would keep you safe from harm.   

_“The fools have used the wrong sedative; this one is not suitable for you.  But it will thankfully, leave your system sooner than they expect.”_

You trusted Kylo Ren you realised, and seemed unable to fear him like so many others did.  The thought making him laugh, and return your sentiments with a wash of feelings.  Ones, that calmed your panic and replaced it with a suffusing sensation of calmness; making you feel at last sleepy and allowing you to close your eyes to it.  It was good to have at least one person able to understand enough to explain why your body felt so oddly not right.  You felt itchy, your skin almost alive with sharp prickles in places; and dead to all sensations in others.  Your blaster wound the only thing that felt normal in all of this, and that was because despite everything it still really hurt.    

There was a clean antiseptic smell mixed with something else you couldn’t quite place; but smelled a little like the gel General Hux had put on your wounds.  Slowly it was becoming faintly mixed with hints of the General’s own scents; and then suddenly you recognised the sounds of him breathing.  Vigorously you struggled against the combined effects of the drug and Kylo Ren.  Managing to briefly open your eyes.  Though all your disorientated vision would let you take in was a blinding white light and a darker rectangular shape somewhere in the centre of it all.  The echoing sounds of his footfalls seemed to have stopped and his muscles shifted to hold you differently.  Suddenly you pitched forwards, held now only by his arms. 

_“We are here little-one; hold whilst I place you onto his bed.”_

The subsequent panic thankfully was quickly lost to the softness that he slowly placed you atop of.  A leather slickened hand patting at the top of your head to brush aside your hair and pressed something welcomingly cool to it.  His concern evident as much as there was the suggestion of a pressing need to be elsewhere.  He bid you goodbye, and reinforced the suggestion that you rest now, where you felt safe; that no one would hurt you in here.  

You added your own mumbled and incoherent goodbyes; whilst the click of boot soles against the floor re-continued.  Growing fainter as they carried their owner from the room.  Leaving you hyperaware of your location, and so thankful to Commander Ren for placing you in it.  You needed to sleep; but you also needed to be with your daddy.  To have something of him close to you, to reaffirm Kylo Ren’s assurances that you really were next to him. 

He had been right about the speed at which the drugs began to leave your system.  But he had not warned you about how tired it would lead your body from so swiftly metabolising them.  Your muscles ached so badly, and when you finally could begin to move; the effort it cost you was exhausting.  So much so that, had it not been for your determined need to find General Hux; you would have stopped and just laid there.  As it was the relief when you finally managed to move your arm to his leg was so thick, that you almost drowned in it; grateful to have him back.  Piece by piece, moving your frail body, to curl up around his lower legs and feet.  Finally permitting your shattered body to sleep off the exhaustion; and recover some of your much-needed strength.


	15. Let me carry you  from hell, to home again.

When you woke again it was still to numbing tiredness.  Though the bone-weary exhaustion was far less prevalent than it had been before.  Still it was a struggle to sit up and take it all in; frowning as you touched gingerly at a woven blanket, that now covered your back.  Pulling it back around you like some flimsy shield and wrapping yourself up in its embrace. 

Around you, the whirring machines bleeping out a never-ending sequence, and various brightly lit displays everywhere, assuring you that the physician had not lied; and he was still alive.  Yet the man whom you adored looked so different laid out on his back, at the head of the medical cot.  The blanket tucked under his arms and his hands splayed flat on top of them, a thin tube connecting the wrist furthest from you to a clear fluid bag.  He looked for the first time human, and worryingly frail for that knowledge.    

It was all your fault that he laid there broken; and it was too hard not to guiltily break down and cry at what you had caused.  His hair still neatly combed and the burnt copper unseemly bright against the stark whiteness of his surroundings.  His face as freshly shaved as it had been before the gala.  But his sleeping expression showing that of a man at ease and relaxed; despite the immense pain he must be in.  It must be the drugs then you realised, keeping him peacefully unaware of everything else.  

You wanted nothing more than to cuddle up to him.  Just like when you were at home, and afraid or hurting; to be close to him and reassured again.  But you hardly thought it appropriate.  Not now, when you had caused all of this but disobeying him.  Instead you drew yourself up onto your knees to timidly watch him.  Trying to make the movement a gentle and as smooth as possible.  Unsure if it would wake him or not; frightened to do anything but to look at him.  Watching as his eyelids twitched rapidly in his sleep.  No doubt dreaming; or an attempt perhaps to wake and tell you off.

You were about to call for help, when suddenly with a flicker his eyes opened.  The pupils slowly shrinking from their all encompassing blackness.  Leaving behind confusion; awash in a sea of pale milky skin.  Dotted with strawberry marked flesh, his eyes a mix of silver and green irises that seemed to show first panic; and then assurance.  His gaze settling on you and showing perhaps relief and a genuine softness.  Blinking once in confusion, before his face crumpled to concern and his jaw hung loose to allow his lips to part.  His expression now open and inviting as he looked over your small huddle, huffing one last solid breath before he spoke.

“Come here.”

It was anything but the stern order you expected to foretell the rebuke that was to come.  The one you knew you should face for landing him here in that bed.  Instead he stiffly shifted to move over; wincing with both the effort that it cost him to alter his position; and the pains it set off.  Hissing as he settled again, invitingly holding his left arm out to you.  The small cot-bed leaving you just enough space that if you wanted, you could slot yourself next to him.  To lay cuddled up and warm at his side; tucked up next to him. 

You bit at your bottom lip, to quell the tears that wanted to fall in shame.  You wanted so desperately to climb there next to him; but you hardly deserved it now.  Shaking your head, you swallowed thickly around the knot in your throat; your emotions too hard to command to sensibility now.  Making you instead dip your head, and fiddle in nervous guilt at the neckline of the medi-gown you wore.  You didn’t deserve his kindness; you deserved much, much worse and a part of you would have preferred it.

“Come here!”

This time there was a low growl of warning in his voice; one you dare not disobey.  Surprisingly similar in tempo and tone; to the time he had ordered you to come back to him aboard his walker.  The time you had ran off, before he had spanked you as punishment.  A tone perhaps more suited to the General Hux which you knew you should now face. 

You shuffled forwards, eager to make amends; and if you were honest with yourself; keen to be comforted by his closeness.  Straight away; wrapping your arms around his neck and scenting his bacta soaked skin.  Detecting the smallest of hints of Sandalwood and black pepper on his hair.  Slotting yourself along his side and slightly onto his chest.  The hand with the cannula in stroking at the moisture falling on your upturned cheek, as you wept and held tighter to him.  Avoiding the wound to the other side and digging your face into the crook of his neck.  

“I’m sorry daddy; this is all my fault.”

Your voice was a mere whisper.  After all he had warned you never to use that phrase around anyone else.  That same warning, probably that meant out of his rooms too.  Whilst alone right now, there were still so many people about that you would easily risk being over heard.  But still you had to try, and perhaps it was only for the tears that fell that he did not rebuke you for your words.  Instead wrapping both arms around your back and shushing you as you sobbed; his own voice cracking with tiredness and his own mixed emotions. 

“No baby-girl.  None of this is your fault, you did so very well and I am so, so very proud of you.”

“But if I had stayed where you had told me to, then you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”

How could he possibly be proud of you, when he lay here.  He had almost died because of you.  Still, you stopped crying; lifting up your chin to look at him.  Frowning as he turned a little to look better at you; scrutinising your thankfully clean face, as he brushed away the last smatterings of salt water. 

“So many ifs and buts; but none of it, is at all your fault.  Honestly, I have seen trained soldiers crumple under less; you did so well to come this far.”       

His voice was lower than before and he genuinely meant it.  He was very proud of you for coming this far untrained.  His stroking continuing for all your tears had finished.  Brushing bare fingertips feather light, along the brow of your head.  Tracing your cheekbone and the underside of your jaw, as he watched the passage of his fingers.  Leaving you strangely languid and breathless under such slight a touch.  He tutted at the occasional scratch or bruise on it.  Softly pressing his lips to them as though he wished he could magically make the marks go away.

Had it not been for him, then you would not have managed to come that far.  It was his determination to keep you safe, and his spirit that made it easier.   He noticed that your oversized gown had slipped over your shoulder.  Revealing another deep purple contusion to your battered body.  One that he stopped to kiss first before he spoke.  The action making you shudder, and him press the hand at your back firmer to you; pulling you closer to his side.

“I was wrong about you, you perhaps are far stronger than I realised. Perhaps-”

His voice trailed off to nothingness.  His sentence unfinished as he stroked the backs of your raised arm, and you watched him the entire time that he touched you.  Wanting something, though you could not entirely tell what it was.  He was not insulting in thinking you weak; more that he was deliberating aloud.  His eyes low and half lidded; almost constantly fixated on yours for all his hands roamed your face.  Only breaking that gaze as he brought his hands up, and brushed the backs of his knuckles over your heated cheeks.  His thumb running the hollow under your lip as he pressed another kiss to your forehead and then lay his own against the same spot.  This close to him, you could feel each puff of warm air as it fanned over your lips.  Leaving small sparks in the lull of pressure, that tingled like small welcome shocks, along your lips.  Painfully reminding your body how close he was; and how underdressed you both were. 

He sighed deeply, pressing you tight to him and his eyes thickly hooded.  Ignoring everything but your mouth as he ran his thumb along your bottom lip.  Your body now practically trembling in nervous tension and yearning hope that this would lead you somewhere. 

“I said I wouldn’t be your first kiss.”

His voice was even to your inexperienced ears; husky and so very deep.  Full of what you hoped was a rebuke to himself, a promise that he was considering his own ineffective protests, and not a further denial of his feelings for you.  Leaving you no place to escape he trailed the point of his nose along the side of yours.  Rubbing it against the other side in an action that only teased hints at how near his mouth was to yours.  The heat radiating from his mouth, scorching your own, and suggesting that if you just pressed forwards they would easily meet; if only for the briefest of moments. 

But still you lay still, for all you wanted to press your luck.  Your body paralyzed by youth and an inherent and instinctive need to wait for him to move first.  Your breath hitching then fading to nothing as you lay there; submitting to his honest tenderness.  Closing your eyes to contain the tears already prickling.  Catching them and keeping them safe under your lids, as they edged to the corners and threaten to fall. 

When he shifted, it was to hold his hand to your cheek.  His head tilting and brushing his mouth against yours in a brief suggestion of a kiss, that you knew better than to chase.  His lips smooth and soft as he rubbed them once over your barely closed mouth; not yet a kiss, but so very close.  Making you part your lips further in invitation to whine up at him; opening your eyes to plead with him.

His own eyes darkened to almost pure black despite their pale irises.  Full of a dangerous hunger you wanted to tempt, another whine earning you a low chuckle in answer to your wordless plea.     

“May I?”

He asked for your permission before he would take, what you considered his by rights.  What you had unknowingly begged him for, for so long.  In the previous world you had dwelled in, the on that had barely considered you to have any free will; you would have found his gentlemanly request more endearing.  As it was now, you were impatient for his touch.  Months of wanting, no needing this; made the question invalid to you. 

Still you nodded your answer.  Swallowing quickly to free your mouth of its gathered saliva.  Your vocal chords unable to follow with an audible answer; heart thudding as he brought his mouth to yours.  Your eyes flickering and closing as plump lips pressed so impossibly softly to yours. Capturing first to your top lip and then your bottom lip; between his own, in a double series of simple and chaste kisses.  Before sighing and pressing firmer to your mouth.  Slow enough to permit you to kiss him back; in a simple and yet perfect caress.  Your first ever kiss sweet and undemanding, for all you willingly would have allowed so much more.  Instead submitting to his lead and allowing him to teach you.  The simple act leaving you panting under him; your core tensing and fluttering as a dangerous pulse between your legs demanded more. 

It was sadly over too soon.  The General’s face flushed with tiny hints of pink across his nose and ears.  His lips kiss swollen and thick; slickened with your saliva.  Making you want to press your mouth to his again, to taste him and the raw power you could feel held in check as he touched you so tenderly.  You tried, surprised as the man yielded to your unspoken demands.  Permitting you a single peck, almost as chaste and innocent as the last one, before pulling back again.

“The both of us are injured and it is still very early, we should rest.  You still need sleep.”   

You didn’t feel as though you needed anything right now, but to feel him next to you.  Your entire body alive with a tingling that ran each microscopic cell of your body.  Your face knowingly flushed and eyes bright, for all they felt heavy and unalert.  He had just given you what he had claimed he would never give.  In return you had never felt so complete and yet to yearning.  His kiss had left you dizzy and without coherent thought.  You shook your head, but in answer he just leant into your ear; the sound waves making you shudder as much as the snarl of ultimate authority he added to his voice.

“If daddy says you need sleep; then you sleep little girl.  Understood?”

You nodded.  Eyes wide and your lips still vibrating from his kiss.  Ignoring the demanding protests of your body that it would like more, to snuggle into his side.  Obeying his subsequent orders to get under the covers with him.  Your small and shorter legs bare.  Wrapped around his hip and thigh, rubbing into bared patches of his own legs.

You had napped along side of him, but General Hux had never permitted you to watch him sleep; and he had been fully dressed.  Like this, it was the heat of his skin that warmed your own; as much as the shivers that it sent down your spine chilled you.  His legs you discovered were covered in a thin carpet of ginger hairs, that didn’t exactly prickle your skin.  But did remind you of how masculine he was, as you rubbed your smooth hairless legs along his.  It was unintentional, but you could not sleep; for all you kept your eyes closed to the outside world.  His chest rising and falling in rhymical half snores, that suggested he too had been given sedatives.

But it was good enough to lay next to him.  This open show of him sleeping next to him, putting paid to the lies he had told others about what you were to himself.  As much as it finally confirmed his honesty, when he had told you that he did want you for all he refused himself you. 

You must have slept, to wake confused to the sounds of voices.  A conversation going on over your head, a voice that didn’t quite sound appealing; for all it took a moment to name the owner.

“I’ll warn you now Armitage; I was one of Brendol’s finest cadets.  If you think I will take you replacing me, with that savage wildling easily; well.  Well you have been warned.”

Dr Amara, had clearly found you; and was taking exception to discovering you in the arms of the man she knew intimately.  Her words spitting a venomous warning of foreseeable malice, that chilled you.  Making it necessary to feign sleep, for all you wanted to shrink beneath her notice.  Struggling to stop your teeth from chattering and you breathing regular.  Forcing your body to feel unnaturally relaxed, and your breaths deeply full of false sleep.  You had just survived an invasion; you could manage one more person; couldn’t you?     

Beneath you every muscle in General Hux’s body tensed.  Not in fear but in absolute fury, at what she was suggesting.  His voice coming out as a deadly tone.  One that could have split iron and frozen lakes in its passing.

“What exactly are you insinuating Amara?”

For all he used her actual name; you didn’t think it was in any show of familiarity.  More that he wanted to suggest that her place as an officer in his army, was not as secure; or as recognisable a threat as she wanted it to be.  Stripping title and rank from his argument, to belittle her.

“You know exactly what I am suggesting Armitage.”               

He did.  But you already knew he had, by his choice of answer.  But she didn’t; she could not read him like you could.  He was seeing both how bold and show stupid she was.  Seeing if she would voice her threats to a mere civilian.  Whether or not she was safely hiding behind anyone else’s orders.  It didn’t matter if she was.  If his leaders deemed her a better partner for General Hux than yourself; that was entirely conjuncture to him right now.  He clearly didn’t think she was, to have allowed her to see this; and he was not going to let her strip that choice from him.  She was an idiot in confirming his challenge.  You had seen him smash a man’s brains out for so much as touching you.  So her threat was not going to sit well with a long future; especially if she acted on it. 

“Allow me to remind you then that I was proven his top cadet in the end.  I think you will find that the pupil well outshone the master in the end.  After all you yourself were privy to his end.”

General Hux’s words suggested that he held those who had been in that order, inferior to himself.   Whoever this Brendol was; you really did not want to know.  The mere whisper of his name suggested an unpleasantness that you were not happy with.  Neither it seemed was Dr Amara with General Hux’s counter threat; clipped heeled steps carrying her across the tiled floor to the door.  General Hux breathing, before addressing you.

“How much of that did you hear?”

He meant how much of that did you understand, and if truth be told it had not taken much to understand it.  Dr Amara had clearly come in and found him in a compromising situation with you.  Worse yet for her then, was the understanding that he hadn’t cared if she had seen you like this with him. 

“What does she mean by Brendol’s cadets?”

Perhaps answering his question with one of your own, was not entirely wise; but he let it pass.  Like so many other things tonight showing you leniency in an attempt to both calm and reward you.  His answer though as dismissive as your own as he assured you it was nothing to concern yourself with.  Just something they had studies through training, though from his grimace you hardly thought he had enjoyed it for all he claimed he had excelled at it.  Another tiny hint at the boy he had been before this grate man then, another hint that you were right in your assumptions that he was entirely softer with you, than others. 

“It is nearly morning; the physicians and medics will be here soon to check up on us again.”

“Should I get up then, daddy?”

He almost smiled at your words.  His eyes coming back to life, and away from the anger he felt towards his former paramour.  It should have been unnerving to watch how he quickly compartmented the feelings he felt towards her, to shower you with an affectionate cuddle.  His warning suggested that others had already been into see you both.  His arms pulling you closer to him suggesting that if they had not already seen you like this; then he still did not care.   

“No, but when they come in; I am either General Hux, or Armitage.  They would not understand, and I will not stoop to explain it.”

You nodded.  Biting your lip as you did so, dismissing straight away the idea of ever calling him Armitage, that had been her name for him.  Whilst she made it very clear that she found your infatuation with him to be infantile; you were not going to use his adult name in an attempt to prove her wrong.  Already you had achieved what she had tried to stop. 

A knock at the door, was followed a second or two later by the appetition sliding back and revealing the aged physician from the night before.  His face an open, but solemn parody of medical professionalism.  Greeting both of you in the most brusquest of salutations, before he began his checks.

“Any nausea, excess pain at the graft site?”

General Hux replied with stoic professionalism as he shook his head.  His approval of this man evident in the respect he added to his tone when he spoke.  It was not hard to see why daddy respected him, and to understand that it was more than just his military standing with him.  The physician was through, and straight to the point.

“And what about you little lady, the effects of last night’s drugs all worn off?”

You were a little tired still, but that was only to be expected after the events of yesterday and the late night.  Answering a yes to him, the physician pulled forth a small screen, this aimed towards General Hux as much as yourself. 

“Good, because judging from your medical results; you’re due a complete course of immunisation.  Of course, it was something that normally would have been picked up on arrival, had you have been properly processed like the other crew.”

Immunisations sounded scary, but you were not oblivious to the need for them.  The physician going through a very long list of what was needed, suggesting to General Hux that they start now; and which were more pressing.  The physician also adding which civilisations to avoid until you were completely vaccinated.  General Hux pressing his thumb to the data pad to authorise them, as he bared your arm for the first shots. 

“There might be a few tiny side effects, but otherwise with no foreseeable complications we’ll start the others in a weeks time.”    

He held the syringe ready, and you nodded an acceptance of the shots.  The grey-haired man, rubbing the spot before injecting the serum into you. 

 “And if you need anything else, come and see me.  I can assure you there is nothing I have not dealt with in my fifty years as a physician.”

“Thank you.”

Your small smile and show of thanks seemed to brighten the old man’s entire posture.  The man grinning back at you, as he cleared away his belongings, and began to exit the room. Stopping to assure you, he personally was contactable if you had any problems.  It went without saying then, that he had no intentions of allowing a repeat occurrence of the other night and that his opinion of you, could not be further from Dr Amara’s. 

“Oh!  One last thing, Commander Ren asked to be notified when you both woke up; but I can delay until breakfast if you would like?”

You stopped your attempts at snuggling up with General Hux, as he bid the doctor inform the Commander now that he was awake and ready for visitors.  Making you almost roll your eyes, at the suggestion that even her in his sick bed, aboard the ship’s medicenter he was still on the job.  His position changing, with your assistance to help you sit up, for all he refused still to dislodge you.

“General.”

Kylo Ren’s voice was unfiltered by his modulator, his stance and his tone relaxed as he entered the room without pomp or ceremony. 

“Commander Ren, draw up a seat; I assume you want to discuss the casualties.  Have you any leads yet on who let them aboard yet.”

There was a sneer that suggested even broken and bound to the bed injured, he considered himself more the reasonable and mature man than Kylo Ren.

“No General, Supreme Leader sent me; I am here for the girl.  His orders are to escort her to him.”

Shuddering, you looked over at Kylo Ren.  His eyes dark and devoid of the golden shine you had seen before. Full of hesitance and fear for you as he stood at the end of the bed.  Their Supreme leader you had heard of before, though what he would want with you; you could not understand.  It made you fearful, especially more so when General Hux snarled a question in answer to him.

“Surely you cannot be stupid enough to think that -"

He was cut off; Kylo Ren’s reply was a to laugh at him.  Not in amusement, but taunt; the action meant to show derision at your daddy’s unspoken protests that you were innocent.  

“No General; neither Supreme Leader or myself are stupid enough to think she is in any way disloyal to you.  More that he has shown an interest in her for some time.  Now she is aboard his vessel, he simply wishes to meet her.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't think I could have her aboard Supreme Leader's flagship, and him not want to meet her; right?
> 
> Also I feel this might be the longest ever prelude to a kiss ever, sorry if anyone gave up and just died along the way....


	16. You're a story that I hoped I'd never have to tell

With some assurances from both men, that everything would be okay; you had disentangled yourself from General Hux’s bed.  Wanting to kiss the man again before you left, but worried he would not like to seem affectionate around Kylo Ren.  Instead settling to bid him farewell at the door.  His face showing an enough emotion to suggest he was encouraging you to go, whilst holding back any fear.  Whoever this Supreme was; that he was the leader of men such as Kylo Ren and General Hux, told you already that he was to be feared and respected.   

The walk was long, and the floor was bitter cold against your feet. Strenuous too on your injured thigh.  For all Kylo Ren had thought to bring a pair of sipper-shoes; their material was soft and delicate; too delicate for the hardened durasteel floors.  The cold seeping up through them and almost making you shiver despite the added effort walking caused you.  The gentle pace still a little hard going.  Your body covered in a thin sheen of sweat, that should have warmed you, but instead settled to sticky frigid coating.  Leaving your flesh icy cold, and your stomach to catch butterflies. 

“If you would like, I can carry you?”

You shook your head.  The simple, no thank you; lost under the suffocating weight of your anxiety.  You knew little of Leader Snoke; but you knew that the First Order was not interested in weaklings and invalids.  Whilst Kylo Ren has assured General Hux, that you were not under investigation for the raid on the Finalizer; you knew he would not be sympathetic to your injury.  No, better to grit your teeth and arrive in pain and struggling on your own two feet; than to be carried in like a child.  You finally began shivering, as you grew closer to the command centre of the Supremacy.  You probably would have felt warmer too had you not been so nervous.  But as it was you were terrified of the unknown; desperately trying to work out why he would have summonsed you.  Wondering if it was because unlike General Hux; Leader Snoke did hold you responsible for his injuries.  None of this would have happened, you had decided; if you had just stayed put.

“You look nervous little-one; you should not be.”

Even masked, you could still hear the deception in Kylo Ren’s voice.  The fear that came with his own uncertainty as to why you had been summoned.  Pretending not to have noticed, you shot him a forced smile.  Even more anxious now; despite trying not to look like you were.  Of course, you had asked Kylo Ren why you were requested before you had left the medicenter.  Even going as far to add that you understood both men were frightened by this request and to ask why; but it got you nowhere.  Earned you nothing, but added lies that it was all okay.  Though not through any rudeness or evasiveness from them; you knew well that one or the other would have told you if they could.  No, it was simply that neither man had known of their leader’s motives in all of this; they were as blind to what happened next as you were. 

Throughout the vessel, the stormtroopers from last night had been replaced.  An added presence of cleaner differently plated troopers, suggesting that this was a new watch; with new men.  The already present familiarly white clad Stormtroopers, moving aside to let you and Kylo Ren pass as they did their rounds.  Other ones dotted in amongst them.  Their presence clearly superior to the regular troopers.  Each one clad in strange red armour and carrying not blasters; but pole like weapons.  Their cleaner and brighter coloured visages, easier to spot against the dull grey of the ships corridors and passageways.  The red of their armour, identical to the red in the First Order emblem that dotted flags, and was attached to General Hux’s work clothing. 

“What are they?”

You pointed at them, assuming them to somehow just be the assigned colour for this part of the ship; or perhaps it was just that they were a different skill set to the others. 

“Supreme Leaders personal guards, he sent a contingent down to guard you in the medicenter.  Now they are returning to their posts.”     

It was all very bizarre to imagine a man you had never met, risking his own guards to shield you.  An oddity that made you look closer at each one you passed.  Their gaze never faltering from their assigned watches, as you stared.

“Why would your Supreme Leader send them to guard me?”

You were worried, it sounded very much a deception worthy of your former masters; the Yuuzhan Vong.  Often they had offered someone guards, as a way of getting closer to someone to spy on them; or worse.  Sometimes it was used as a way of being in the optimum place at the best time to kill them.  Was this guarding you the same thing?  Not guarding yourself, but them guarding themselves from you?  You hoped not; whomever their leader was, he was very powerful.  Not only that, but if General Hux wanted to serve him, then surely you did too.  Their Supreme Leader had nothing to fear from you.  No reason to hurt you; and you hoped fervently that Kylo Ren was truthful that his Leader knew this.   

“Because as I understand it, you barely made any friends in that medicenter.  Dr Amara is on the warpath with you, and apparently the other officers have you ear marked as feral.  Gossip has it, that more than one alliance could be made to take you down.”

That made you falter in your steps.  Wide eyed as you ignored the sense of pride, you knew Kylo Ren held, for the injuries you had caused the two medical officers.  The other leaders and staff might not have been impressed by your actions.  Plus, General Hux would most certainly chide you later; if not punish you for such unladylike, such unruly behaviour.  But it sounded to you, that Kylo Ren was just dismayed that he had missed out on seeing it.  As though he would have enjoyed seeing you fighting.

It was good to know that someone agreed with your actions.  Still your cheeks burnt, and you blushed in shame; mortified that if he knew others did too.  Apologising and dreading what was to come from General Hux when he found out. 

“On the contrary; I think even daddy would be pleased with your spirit.”

You smiled at his teasing, but still doubted that very much.  He had after all refused to let you train as a soldier, because of the bruises and scrapes you would get.  Not that after yesterday’s battle you wanted to, but it would have been good to know better how to handle yourself.  To if nothing else be able to fire one of those blasters.

“What is Leader Snoke like?”

“Old, very wise and powerful.  But you can decide more on that for yourself; we are here.”

You stood before an durasteel door.  Slightly larger than the others, it had blast shields built into the sides of the wall.  Currently inactive, but you knew it would only take a moment for them to slide closed.  Swallowing thick dread, as you wondered if they also kept things in the room with him, as well as things out.

There was no access panel; nothing to signal Kylo Ren’s arrival.  But after a moments hesitant breath, the door slid back.  Revealing an enormous, high vaulted room; bathed in a sickeningly blood red glow.  The red sheen, not coming from the white overhead lights, but echoing off the walls.  The entire wall behind the throne a sea of red; the colour of power.  The faux sanguine lighting, revealing a heavy carbon black seat, atop of a long dais. 

More of the red armoured guards flanking the back wall, three either side of a seated and wizened old man, dressed in shimmering gold robes.  A man, you guessed to be their Supreme Leader; Snoke.

Kylo Ren did not tell you to.  But you had enough painful dealings, with superior beings; to understand that the first thing you should do was to make your genuflexion.  That the best way to quell any possible danger towards them, was to outright prove you were not a challenge.  Deciding not to kneel and press your forehead to the floor as you would have done the Yuuzhan Vong; that action belonged to a former slave.  Instead opting for the curtsy that General Hux; the correct genuflexion of a lady; that he had taught you.  Hoping that it surpassed expectations, and was as perfect as you had manged alone in his quarters. 

There was silence; not even the shipboard noised seemed to penetrate this room.  A bead of sweat nervously tricked the back of the medical gown you still wore.  Cold and itchy, though you ignored it; remembering that a lady did not fidget.  Debating if you had done wrong, or right.  You really were not sure, keeping your head dipped as you rose from your tribute greeting.  Not moving until a hand pressed at your back, and with a spluttered return, the man besides you began breathing again.  The unmasked voice of Kylo Ren acknowledged his chief of command.  His steps slower to make up for your smaller gait; and avoid you looking harried and rushed as your approached the throne.  This time following Kylo’s knelt bow, and struggling past the stiff pull of your thigh to do so. 

“I think I rather preferred the curtsy.  It has been so long since I have been greeted simply as a gentleman and not a commander-in-chief.”              

It was an odd attempt at humour, though you knew better than to fully relax. Leaders Snoke’s voice as old as you expected it to sound.  Gravelly and thick, his breathing was odd; almost like he had something stuck in his throat.  But for all that, each word was perfectly enunciated, suggesting that for all he looked old; his voice was ancient.  Rising up, you acknowledged his preference with another curtsy; trying to answer his tease with respect.  Ignoring the horrified glance of warning that Kylo Ren sent you, before he caught himself.  Making stiffen, remembering that you should have been more careful to appear nervous and less familiar.  Perhaps only now noticing the man, behind the voice.

He was old.  His face was a mass of wrinkles, and sunken featured; as he leant in his throne.  The aged scars cleaved into it, making you want to wince at how painful they must have been, whilst also accepting them as a sign of his immense strength and power.  He must have seen many battles, and would probably view your injury as stupid and deserved.  Hardly worth the resources it had cost to keep you alive.

Above you, the man on the dais, shifted in his seat.  Tilting to lean forwards and raise a gnarly and shrunken hand.  Raising a single bony finger to point at you.    

“You think lots; and loudly too.”

You bit your lip, almost grimacing in horror at having annoyed him.  Stopping as you remembered that General Hux and warned that such faces, were deemed very unladylike.  Wanting to give a gushing apology for your thoughts; but at the same time not wanting for him to get annoyed at your inner chatter.  Wishing that there was something about this man, that would make him like you.  Almost puppy-like in your need to please the man that also pleased General Hux.      

Supreme Leader, had leant back to the corner of the chair.  Humming as he brought both fingers together, bringing them to his lip; the same thing General Hux did when he was thinking.  Watching you intently as he hummed in thought; the noise clearly wordless, for all there was almost an echo of whispering voices, surrounding you.  The air vibrating, alive with unseen power, that you swore cracked in the air around you.  The charge setting the hairs on the back of your neck on end.  Silence falling like an iron weight.   

“Kylo Ren you are correct in your assumptions; the girl could have her uses within the First Order.  There would be benefits to permitting this, dalliance; with my General to continue.”

You frowned at his choice to speak his intentions aloud; looking up at the elderly man.  Wondering why Kylo Ren had brought your supposed skill to the attention of his Supreme leader.  Waiting patiently for him to stop discussing you; whilst also wondering how you would have your uses.  Obviously you trusted what he thought of your abilities; but what if he was wrong and you were not able to do what he claimed you could.  What if you ended up making Kylo Ren look stupid; and letting down General Hux.    

Whilst also nervous; you had never considered that General Hux would have to answer to someone else over his personal life.  Now it began to make sense as to why Kylo Ren had brought you here.  Dread that you could fail now you knew why, he had to prove you had uses to this Snoke. 

“Even now, she is unaware she does it; or how powerfully, how subtle her gift is.”

You had no idea what you were doing, let alone that it was so powerful.  The same ancient voice went on, assessing your hidden talent, though not how you were expected to use it.  Perhaps you shouldn’t have cut in.  But it was becoming a little tiresome, learning snippets of a skill, you didn’t know you possessed; let alone how to use. 

“How I do what?”

You were answered not with anger; but instead by a dusty wheezing noise.  The grating whistle, you gathered quickly was a laugh.  General Hux’s superior showing amusement at your impertinence.  Shocking Kylo Ren by outright laughing at your failure to follow protocol; causing the leader more amusement at his apprentice’s shock.

“Even I it seems have been effected by your gift child.  Others would have been punished for speaking out of turn.  Come approach without fear of rebuke; I can see you mean no harm, nor disrespect to myself by it.”

At his words, the guards around him relaxed.  Not visibly; they still looked stiff and uncomfortable.  More that there was less of sensation of being watched as you inched closer to the man.  Climbing the stairs slowly, and accepting his outstretched hand.  His height towering over you, and despite his deceptively frail figure his power too.

Once before him, there was a graceful flick of his wrist.  Then a heavier weight on your skull.  The pressure for heavier, though not dissimilar in kind to the atmosphere before a storm.  A close feeling, then screamed danger to your vulnerable senses.  

You knew better than to fight him.  It was not only pointless to try; but also, you realised as you let him into your thoughts was the fastest way to prove you were not a threat.  Staring deep into his watered down blue eyes, whilst he gently sifted into layers of memories.  Each one he picked, you soon realised of a moment another may have perished.  From the day you were taken as slave, right up to the date that General Hux mistook you for a spy.  Each major event survived you guessed, by this ‘ability’ to manipulate the thoughts and intentions of others towards you.  A horrible sickening feeling as you guiltily wondered if that had been why General Hux had kept you.  If the only reason he had any desire for you, was because you had subconsciously altered it.

“No child; my General liked you before that day.  I believe he enjoyed having you as his little project; but now I have one of my own for you.”

You looked down at the seated Leader Snoke.  His expression different; perhaps almost kindly as he explained his use for you.  Not a scary or unpleasant one, his explanation honest and open.  He had not lied when he spoke of General Hux’s affections; or of how he, Leader Snoke would be permitting him to keep you.  Tasting for yourself, the old man’s humour at the workaholic General, finding a way to relax.  One that had never taken him from his duty, or rigid schedule; and also made your gifts useful to him. 

“But General Hux is correct, you will not have your uses on the battlefield.  But you will be trained by Kylo Ren to use that gift, your ability to manipulate others will now serve a greater purpose.”

For all his honesty that he wanted to use you, there was a suggestion too that he had not yet found a purpose for it.  More that perhaps you were too useful for him to pass over, something that you decided was a good thing.  It made sense to have this leader’s blessing when it came to your attachment to General Hux.  You wondered then if this Leader Snoke had perhaps ever known a family of his own.  If hidden in the background there were children; with sons and daughters of their own too.  Or if he had never had the time; or the inclination for them. 

There was little else to say, and littler still for you to ask.  You were just far too happy, that this meeting had gone well; that Snoke had agreed to you staying with General Hux.  Instead you just zoned out of the conversation between the two men.  The false sleep from the aesthetic, and the stress of the last 24 hours making it difficult to concentrate.  Your mind wondering to other places, a childish notion that General Hux would have chided you for.  Especially when you gave the most unladylike of yawns.  Remembering just in time to cover your mouth, as you stared wide eyed with your mistake.  Sheepishly looking up at Kylo Ren; not able to bring yourself to even look at Supreme Leader, but hanging your head in shame at the rebuke that was to come. 

“Ren, it appears the poor child is exhausted; we must excuse her.”

He spoke to interrupt Kylo Ren, and to summon forwards two of his guards.  Giving further instructions that you be escorted to temporary lodgings set aside for you, and bade you rest when you got there.

You of course politely thanked Snoke for his concern.  Letting your nerves get the better of you once you were out of the door.  Something had made you act so stupidly sure of yourself, not at all paying close attention to the lessons you had been taught.  General Hux was not going to be at all pleased when he learnt of your conduct, and you bottom twinged as you realised you were probably due another spanking for it.   

Other than the thud of footsteps, and the shuffling of armour, your journey to your temporary home was spent in silence.  Wincing as you arrived at an obviously unfamiliar door.  The guards simply standing to one side, their visors and lack of speech unreadable for hints as to if General Hux already knew.  Suggesting for you, as the door swung into its hidden recess to open; that you were best confessing to daddy.  Better to admit guilt and get your punishment over and done with than to dwell on it. 

It was a shock then to enter the assigned apartment and discover you were alone and the room only meant for one person; for all the bed was a double. 

Fear automatically getting the better of you as you looked around.  Discovering that this room held a bed and closets; a small couch placed to one side.  A door off that leading to a refresher room.  The cupboards stocked with tiny bottles of unlabelled toiletries.  Each meant for only a single use.  The furnishings plain and grey, the room as cold and un-personal as General Hux’s had been at first.  None of it at all what you had been used to.  The wardrobes empty; though you hoped were waiting to be filled with something.  This thin medical gown was not warm; nor was it practical; you wanted to change; but instead had to settle for the warmth of a bed. 

Frightened and alone, you regretted your lack of formality with Leader Snoke even more.  Had you offended him? Was this some sort of punishment?  You could not settle, and took to pacing around the room.  Repeatedly going over your behaviour, or lack of it in the throne room. Trying to decide if you had been misreading his kinder demeanour towards you; or if in your presence you had been accidently influencing him.  Wondering if he was now going to be furious when he found out what you were doing; or if perhaps this was you panicking over nothing, if this was just a temporary fix.

General Hux was injured you reminded your anxiety; and you were being a silly child needing him.  That he was not here was probably a sign that he had not been discharged from the medicenter.  That there were no provisions here was probably another sign that you were letting unfounded fear get the best of you.  You were tired and if General Hux came back, then he would scold you for your behaviour; you knew to take better care of yourself.  He had told you to take better care of yourself; you should rest and then perhaps the world would look different tomorrow. 

 

 

 

  

 


	17. I'm alive, I'm breaking out.

You jolted awake to a thick crawling sensation.  Shivers walking up the back of your spine.  Setting the hairs on the back of your neck on edge, creating a desire to flee that sent your body into overdrive.  There was a deep inset fear lighting all your senses.  Loudly screaming that you were no longer alone in this room, that someone was here with you.  Worse yet; you didn’t know who they were. This was the first night aboard a spaceship, that you had slept unguarded by General Hux; and without his guidance you didn’t know what was best; how to let the First Order know they had an intruder. 

Friend or foe; you had no idea and terrified you just lay there.  Playing either helplessly asleep or dead; biding your time until you could work out what to do.  There was movement in the dark recesses of the room.  Paralyzed by fear, you just lay there. Listening intently to the sounds of shuffling feet around your room.  In the last twenty-four hours you had been through hell and high water.  That a stranger in the room with you should have been the least of your problems; and theoretically it probably was.  Well until your stupid imagination kicked in.  Vividly reminding yourself that it was probably not just First Order personal currently aboard this ship; remembering that there had been boarder, surely that meant prisoners too? 

Suddenly your mind was alive with the most detailed and horrid imaginings; nightmares born of truth.  Deciding firmly that this man was the enemy; some resistance member waiting to seize you as a possible hostage.  All you could think about were the soldiers who had boarded the Finalizer; the weapons and the gruesome deaths.  Dreaded memories summoning up a lone surviving raider.  One who had either escaped prison; or else hidden somewhere aboard the finalizer.  Creeping around aboard the Supremacy and finding himself at the clearly unlocked door to your bedroom. 

Or worse you thought!  Almost losing control of your bladder and wetting yourself with a new imagined thought; could it be Dr. Amara?  Had that vile woman somehow found out where you were staying.  Bypassing General Hux’s warnings and creeping into your room, here to murder you in your sleep?  She may not have outright said it, but you knew what she meant by her veiled threats; she wanted you gone; even General Hux had known that

The slow uneven footsteps did not sound at all familiar to you.  Whoever your uninvited guest was, he or she, sounded slow.  Either unsure of their terrain; or else trying not to disturb you.  Leading you to summarize that it couldn’t possibly be someone you knew.  You were that terrified, that you were unable even to give credence to the scream that lay like a trapped bubble in your esophagus.  Your bladder heavy and frightenedly struggling to keep a hold on itself.  This time loosing total control as a weight landed next to you.  Clenching tight to stop the warm flow of piss, as there was the definite sensation of someone leaning on the edge of the bed.  Their heavy, panted breathing tickling the looser hairs on your bared and vulnerable neck.  Suggesting that they were looking down at you; studying you for a weakness. 

Slowing you breathing, you feigned what you hoped was still being deeply asleep.  Rolling over to a better starting position to strike.  Fervently praying silently to yourself that whoever was in the room with you would move on, that they were not really looking for you. 

Startled by the sudden touch to your face, you tensed tight.  Your body at last permitting you a screaming yell of action, when the corner of the blankets lifted from one side of the bed.  Kicking out with both feet at the invader.  Your sudden attack knocking the intruder from your bed, rewarding you with a heavy thump of someone landing on the floor, and a winded string of expletives. 

Taking advantage, you spring-boarded from the bed to bolt for the door.  Vaguely registering a prideful note to tell daddy what you did, sure he would be proud that you had winded them, when you had kicked out of them.  Not sure how to get there, but instinctively running for daddy.

“Lights on 100 percent.”

The breathless wheeze gave way to an almost inaudible command.  The noise came from the floor; and the lights came on.  The man you had assaulted now sounded all too familiar, making you pause at the gasping but poshly spoken, succinctly-clipped order.  Horrified at realizing that you had just kicked an already injured General Hux from your bed.  The brightness hurting your eyes, making you close your eyes, stumbling forwards blinded but desperately trying to make sure he was okay. 

Scrambling back and climbing quickly over the bed, your face spoke volumes of both worry and guilt.  Disregarding the sheets that tangled with your legs, to swing yourself to the floor and kneel besides him.  Knocking your own painfully injured leg in a desperate attempt to scramble to his aid.  The blankets tripping you, and wincing in pain and fear as you spoke. 

“Oh, I am so sorry; I didn’t know it was you.”

“Who else would it bloody be trying to get into bed with you?!”

Shocked and hurt, you rocked back to sit on the heels of your feet; kneeling down next to him.  Ignoring the pull at your thigh muscle, to stare at the floor.  He was understandably cross at you for hurting him. But emotionally; you were already stretched too thin to argue that in your defense he had never tried to get into bed with you before.  Wondering if sleeping next to him last night, might have if you were less naive hinted at a more permanent change to your sleeping pattern.  One that you had not stopped to consider; but realised that you would like very much.  

You were sad that on top of the last couple of days being horrendous for you; now you had made him angry at you too.  It was too much to deal with, and so your voice broke defensively as you explained yourself.  Reeling off a list not only of who it could have been; but adding that you had no idea what to expect any more.

“I don’t know; you could have spoken, not just crept around.  They dumped me alone in this room.  No one has told me anything; and I was frightened and alone!”

He shot you a stern look, a warning that made you take a deep breath and start again. 

"Have I hurt you badly?"

That's seemed to effect him. His face a wash of realisation and shame, before he spoke. Trying to put you at ease. 

“I’ll be fine in a while princess; it was just the walk here.”

He could read the concern you had in your eyes; your fear tempering his anger.  Decrying your worry that you had somehow made it all worse, with gentler reassurance at your shock at seeing him like this.  Even in the medicentre he had never looked this flustered; or so unkempt.  His hair then had still been neatly combed into place and even his medical gown pulled just so.  His general appearance now where near as haggard as he looked now.  Though at least his breathing was getting better.  Becoming less ragged, and evening out to a slower tempo.  His skin less grey for all he still looked exhausted.  You were fussing over him.  More scared that you had ever been; both for him and of him.  You had never seen him look this weak, nor this angry.  It was not just that he was paler than when you had seen him being shot; but he was tinged a horrible grey.  His skin such a pale colour, that contrasted with the darker bags under his eyes; making them stand further out.  Making you question how much rest he had been getting in the medicentre during your absence.  His entire body was covered in a cold sweat, that plainly showed the exertion that he had spent to get here.  Making you as anxious for your own safety, as you were for his.  General Hux was not a stupid or uncalculating man; the need to get here had to be worth the effort it cost him to get here.  

But he was here, and so you were safe.  Worried you added further garbled questions.  Asking him if he was okay, pleading for him not to be any further injured.  Scared that you had not only attacked him and hurt him; but that you could have reopened some serious wounds.  Unsure what exactly you would be looking at, but patting around the dressing that covered his blaster wound.  Checking for bloodstains or fluids; anything that would indicate you had irritated the wound.  Your hands coming away cold and clammy still.  A further suggestion there that he was too ill to have made whatever journey he had; wishing that he had just looked out for himself first for once.  Whether you were at risk or not, he couldn’t protect you like this.   

“Sorry.”

The quiet apology was followed by the press of his palm to your cheek and a deep sigh.  Relief perhaps you decided and leant into his touch, permitting him to raise your chin towards him.  A low and breathless suggestion that you both get into bed, the hour was once more late; and you should sleep.  You needed the rest to recover.

You had to press your lips tight between your teeth to stop the grin that wanted to form, at the irony in his suggestion that you needed rest.  His injuries were far more severe than your own, he needed the recuperation far more than you did.  Stiffly you stood to rise, scrambling quickly to assist him up to his feet, when he shakily tried to rise.  Letting him balance on your shoulder, as he slowly limped the two steps it took to get him to sit on the end of your bed.  Wincing as he reached behind him to pull back the covers.  The small damp patch on the bottom sheet making your cheeks burn with shame.  You were not a little girl, but at a pointed look from him; you bit your lip.  Offering up an excuse for your actions.  Your voice almost a whisper, whilst you mumbled an apology; wanting desperately to change the sheets; but unsure how to.   

“I was scared. Sorry daddy, please don’t think I’m a dirty girl.”

You sniffled, managing to swallow the lump of fear in your throat.  Adding that just like when you had kicked out because you were frightened, this too had happened.  Admitting you had been that scared, to the one man you really trusted to see you like that.  Hoping that he would accept that feeling and your bodies actions, without assuming it made all of you weak and imperfect. 

“Sheets will change. Come here.”

He almost smiled at you and for all there had been a growl of an order, his arms spread wide to envelop you.  Disregarding the dampness of the bottom and the hem of your medical gown, to pull you to sit over his knees.  His own medical gown riding up, so that your sticky bottom sat on top of his bared legs, the hem of whatever he wore as underwear under that gown protecting his modesty.  The action sending shivers down your spine, whilst he held you gingerly against his bandaged and now sadly cloth covered chest.  Your body responding very in appropriately, given what other fluids were touching his pristine knees.

Fingers stroked up your spine, and across the side of your thigh.  Lifting your gown enough that it showed your injury, whilst keeping the fabric draped between your legs.  An almost painful reminder, of who little you wore; how fragile the gap between you was.  Fingers brushed shivers into your skin, leaving your eyes dark and wide from the most innocuous of touches, as he sought out your injury.  The pain from your wound second a best to the throbbing elsewhere.

“It will scar I am afraid.”

The word scar, reminded you of another time you had been injured.  Making you stiffen again, as you looked at him, frightened at how offended he would have found his men marking you.  Frightenedly asking what that meant, afraid of what a scar meant in his world; the one he was determined to present you to.  Your words and fears silenced with the brush of a thumb across your shaky lower lip.

“That shot was most likely meant for me; and instead you took it for me.”

His voice was quiet and pensive as he fingered the edges of the raised, but rapidly healing blaster wound.  His humble admission had your brows raising, the tip of your tongue darting to swipe at your rapidly drying lips.  It made perfect sense that the shooter would have gone for the more senior officer.  Dressed as he had been in his white dress uniform, he would have been an easier target than yourself.

“See, you saved me.”

He had reached to cup your jaw, cradling your cheek in his hand as he spoke.  The huskiness in his lowered voice making your toes curl, and your rapid breaths dry your lips out sooner.  You licked them, letting him bring his mouth to yours.  Again, kissing you.  This kiss far less chaste than the simple press of your lips to his.  His mouth working to coax yours open to his, a swipe of his tongue against yours a slow suggestion that you should work yours against his.  Permitting him to teach you how to. Forgetting all of your nervous thoughts that you didn’t know what you were doing to allow your untrained body to lead you to what it instinctively wanted.  Unwittingly brushing aside countless worries that he would find your attempts at this to be childish or too naïve to take seriously.  to him; to swing your legs over his.  Straddling his lap and unintentionally grinding yourself against him.  As unware of the effects it would have on him, as on yourself; gasping when he broke the kiss.  Both of his hands moving to hold your face in them, his eyes dark for all the paleness there should have been left in his blue irises.

“Go and get a shower, I will arrange for a service droid.”

His request for you to get off him at least sounded reluctant.  Though not as much as you were when you disengaged yourself from General Hux.  Your feet trailing forlornly in the direction of the refresher.  Wondering guiltily if it was that you had wet the bed that had set off him breaking off what he had started.  Or if perhaps it was only that you had started something that injured he could not finish.  Either way the shower was both the longest, and fastest you had ever taken.  Rushing to be clean, then realizing to late that your only clean clothing was the soiled gown you had sent down the laundry chute.  Settling instead for the oversized towel that was here, wrapping it around you and tucking it under one arm.  Shuffling apologetically from the refresher room and announcing your mistake to him.

The linens had been changed, and waiting was a clean undershirt.  One he had ordered for himself you guessed when he took another pile of clothing next to it into the refresher.  Leaving you to pull on the shirt, its length confirming itself to being at least meant for a man of his height, if not for him.  Finding a pair of panties underneath it, their design a simple and boring grey; plainer than the ones you usually wore.

Something was different aboard this ship if these clothes were the best he could acquire.  Even his own clothes as he shakily existed the refresher and permitted you to guide him back to the clean bed were not the perfectly fitting uniformed nightwear you had seen him in before.  The pants a little too long, and the t-shirt too baggy, and oddly fitted to his body shape.  Possibly a generic set of pajamas you decided, twisting so that he could better climb into bed.  Propping him up with the pillows, before you went to grab him some water.  Frowning as he took slow sips, from a jittery hand.  His grip so poor on the glass that you had to steady it with your own, frightened that he would drop it; or spill it all over his dressing.  Fear for him, completely overshadowing your own.  He was really not well; he should not be here for all he was slowly relaxing.  His breathing once more settling, and eyes closing as calmness seemed to wash over his features.              

 “I just need you besides me and to rest, get into bed.”

He spoke with his eyes closed, though he weakly lifted up a corner of your blanket.  Holding his arm out, waiting for you to climb in and cuddle him.  You frowned.  Fully aware of the lie he had spoken. Daddy was not at all; fine, far from it if this was all he had the strength for.  His limbs already shaking with the strain of lifting up the top blanket and simply holding them out to you.  Unsure if you should follow his suggestion that you get into bed and also get some rest.  Or if you should for the first time outright ignore him and go and wander the ship to find medical help for him.  Trapped between wanting to make him okay; and not wanting to disobey him.  Wondering as he gave a feeble sigh, if there was a way of you summoning assistance from here.  Cross with yourself for not learning how the communications devices worked.  Wishing that you had paid more attention to how he looked after you, to know how to look after him now.

“It will all be okay, come here.”

Tentatively you slid back into bed besides him.  Careful to avoid his injuries, whilst also permitting him to hold you to him.  Snuggling up to him in the brief space that the small bed allowed you both, and tucking yourself into him.  Letting him hold you were you felt most secure; in his arms.  Closing your eyes and allowing the rhymical lull of his breathing to send you to a restful and deep sleep.

It was hours later that you were woken again.  Unsure of what had disturbed you as you groggily looked back at the man now on his side and facing your back.  His arms wrapped around your middle and his head nestled into your neck.  Small puffs of air warming the space between your neck and shoulder.  Whatever it was, had not woken him.  Judging from the snores he gave into your skin he was still fast asleep.  Making the task of disentangling yourself from him without waking him, all the more difficult.

You managed it though.  Your indecisive thoughts of what to do, cut short as the door chimed.  Sending a relaxed and previously asleep General Hux; suddenly very rigid.  His eyes opening to give you quite a sheepish and panicked glance as he sprung suddenly awake.  The speed at which he awoke, demonstrating his military training and perhaps suggesting a need to be immediately alert once awake.   

 “Do not open that door!”

The first suggestion that he was up to something he should not be, was the slurring of a normally crystal clear do not; into a hurried don’t.  The words panicked and all too out of place, too hurried and devoid of the perfectly dictated Arkanis accent General Hux usually spoke with.  General Hux quickly gave a garbled suggestion to come here.  One that could have been garbled because of sleep or panic.  A order that you ignored. Instead taking a hesitant step towards the door and frowning. Puzzled by his bizarre and when you thought about it frankly rather, subjugated behavior.

Then came a deep flushing of his cheeks.  The pink so dark and dusky and standing out all the clearer against the starkly paled whiteness of his cheeks.  His facial expression more likened to that of a naughty school boy; than that of the grown man who commanded an entire battlecruiser of men.  By now you knew there was something odd about his lack of control. But his honest admission was no less illuminating, making you openly frown in question and confusion.

“I may have left the medicentre without clearance.”

Your mouth opened to an o of both surprise and understanding.  Listening to the noise outside the door.  The sounds of the chime seemed to have been replaced by heavy thuds against the door.  Then came the loud demands to open the door, making you question General Hux; not for what to do but why.

“But I thought you were in charge, is this because we are on another ship?”

There was no time for him to give an answer to your confusion.  The entrance door suddenly swinging back into its recess.  The same physician who had treated General Hux’s blaster-shot wound stood in the door; his face a knowing smirk as he rolled his eyes.  Folding his arms, as he stepped into the room and opened his legs to stand at a military at ease.

“Officer Moricei.”

It was General Hux who spoke first, half rising from his sick bed to sit up.  His greeting to the subordinate man meant to show his authority.  Oddly suggestive of a challenge; making you back off from directly between them. General Hux still looking terribly frail for all he had summoned back the usual level of a warning growl to his greeting.  His words meant to reclaim his level of command, the authority you supposed now, that he somehow felt the physician threatened. 

“General Hux, I do not recall having cleared you to be discharged from my medicentre.”

The older officer was amused.  Speaking with a sarcastic smirk for all he was also annoyed.  All of that very much carried clearly into his tone as much as was translated by your gift.  Perhaps now you better understood why General Hux was sneaking around your room in the middle night and scaring you, half to death.  Why he was wearing ill-fitting clothes; he was here in hiding. 

Now you were not sure if you were cross with him for endangering himself, or flattered that he had come to find you.  Pressing your lips tight together to control the pleased smile, your face seemed to want to break out into.  Your heart swelling with a sense of gratitude for the man who risked his health; to be at your side.

“I do not need any further surgeries and as I told you earlier; I out rank you.  I wanted to leave. I therefore discharged myself.”

General Hux’s voice was flippant, dismissive of the medical officer’s attempt to assert his authority.  His actions more from an insubordinate refusal to follow the suggestion he was not unwell; rather than just pointing out that he was the senior officer.  Your clever gift making it easier for you to pick out the defensiveness hidden in his disinterest.  Something was different here, something that challenged him personally rather than the physician’s request for him to stay put.

“I believe we both know that in matters of medical interest I outrank you; and I most certainly do not consider you fit enough to leave my medicentre, let alone for a return to your post.”

Before he answered General Hux sighed; rolling his eyes and gingerly folding his own arms across his chest.  The mirrored action of defiance was far less fluid and graceful on him.  The slowly mending chest wound making his movements stiff and slightly uncoordinated.  

“I was shot, nothing more.  My soldiers have suffered far worse than I have.”

The medical officer, Dr. Moricei seemed too to resort to flippancy in his approach to General Hux.  His suggestion that all he was bothered about was the work he had put into saving General Hux, not how you sensed he truly felt about the man.  He was not just proud of his work, but also felt a genuine respect for the man you called daddy; and most certainly did not believe you were his ward.  For all he offered you dignity through refusing to let go of the façade that had been created to explain your place as a civilian aboard a military vessel.  You shot him a disarming grin, as barefoot you hopped from foot to foot on the cold floor.  Staring wide eyed that the older man thought you more sensible that your daddy and very correct in this.  Even you, untrained medically as you were, could see the truth; he was not up to anything; though moving him back to the medicentre would be more stress on his injuries.  He was clean and the wound safe.             

At that the physician seemed to finally notice you hiding in the corner.  Offering you a wiry and amused almost grandfatherly grin as he looked you over.  Looking back to General Hux before he continued.  His voice louder to cut off General Hux, who had just drawn breath.  His chest swelling as though he would speak, before the medical officer cut him off.

“However, your ward I can see is at least being sensible, and resting.  Perhaps you can persuade the General he too should.  Since he seems adamant to ruin my hard work and to open up my stitch work.”

 


	18. Lost my heart in your fire

Daddy was not given medical permission to return to his command post for an entire week.  The physicians had refused to clear him fit for work, until the clips were removed and the wound properly scabbed over.  The major surgery, would have left anyone without access to the level of care he had access to, bedridden for weeks.  Instead all General Hux was looking at was seven or eight full cycles of minimal activity. 

He still insisted on some sort of work; though he played it off slyly as recreational reading.  Even from his sick bed there had been the occasional flash when you and the doctors were not looking of a data pad.  He humoured you, but you gave up fighting for him to put it away and rest after the first day he moved to the couch.  Then there was just the removal of electronic devices when the medical staff were present to oversee dressing changes.  It made little sense to you, but as you understood it the reason for a refusal to return to work, was not to avoid mental stress or every strain on the knitting flesh.  That much would have been stupid to try and prevent.  Especially given that the entire First Order was at war; and the inner parts of the wound already healed enough by the bacta and surgery to move.  It was to avoid any possible infection to the surface area, and to move as little as possible to avoid any further strain on the dressing.

At the end of the sixth cycle, it was declared healed enough to leave open to the elements; providing General Hux agreed to rest.  An agreement that caused him to scowl and frown at the lead medic; though not to disregard entirely the elder physician’s wisdom, or the medical droids last offer of pain relief.  The man also delivering to you, the last of his shots, along with a subtle and dignified suggestion that you should go and visit a female medic in the next couple of cycles.

As awful as it all was, the opportunity still presented you with an advantage.  Tied to these temporary chambers with him you were enjoying the unusual amounts of free time he had.  General Hux able to spend all day with you, for all he insisted on frowning over the datapad he held in his hand; repeatedly assuring you all was okay, each time he winced in pain. 

You were not stupid, he was unofficially still working; and had been the whole time.  The pad he held in his hand had the schematics and reports for the work being done to repair his ship.  You knew he was not following the physician’s orders; and that left you with mixed feelings.  The week was almost over; General Hux was bored, and that boredom was starting to make him restless.  Effecting your abilities to remain relaxed and beginning to make you irritable too.  Tomorrow he would be reassessed and a medical assessment made. One that you were sure would result in him being told he was fit to return to his post.

You wanted him to be well, and for his sake you wanted him to go back to his position of command.  If the way he moved freely around his rooms, with minimal pain was anything to go by, tomorrow he would be the day it was okayed.  However, the medic had cleared him into your care and if he was not okay; you would feel all the more guiltier by morning if he couldn’t go back.

It was ultimately your fault already.  For all General Hux had adamantly refused all of your protests that had you of stayed in his chambers, he would not be injured.  Repeatedly pointing out that no one could predict what would have happened had you stayed at home.  Reminding you often to be happy that you were both okay.  Both of you were alive and neither had injuries that would not mend; your leg already was practically healed.  Just a pull to the damaged muscles when you moved too quickly; that and an ugly scar to your damaged thigh that would sadly always be with you.  Though only to remind you of what you had accomplished and not at all he assured you to make you ugly.

Still his need to leave you intact and unblemished for a supposed marriage, or partnership to some elite imperial, played on your mind.  Constantly there, though growing louder in the lulls of concentration and control over your worry.  For all he tucked you in besides him every night, and sat close to you during the day time, he was not an overly affectionate man.  He cared for you, and permitted you the occasional kiss; though he did not permit these to be so common place, that they were familiar.  Prompting concerns for your future you didn’t know how to ask.  Was it his intention to keep you?   Because if anything there was a growing sense that with Leader Snokes blessing, and Kylo Ren’s forthcoming training he was.  Or were his plans still to find you what he considered an age appropriate mate, and if so; how badly had the mark to your leg reduced your value.  

It made you restless though that you could do nothing to help with his work, or summon up the bravery to ask him what his plans and intentions were.  You wanted him to be in all things happy, but you could not work out how to put things right again for him.  The constant reminder of what you had done; and the turmoil all your actions had caused, always cut forlornly and painfully through the relaxed hours you spent curled up to him.  The responsibility that you felt making you sigh deeply, and shift nervously about in the spot close to his right hip.  The data pad you were using resting limply on your lap.  The story you were reading unable to hold your attention long enough to be worth the effort of pretending it did.

“Sweetheart?”

The question made you fidget in your seat, running your fingers over the edges of the pad nervously.  Avoiding looking up at him, keeping your head lowered and nibbling at your bottom lip.  Anxiety brimming as you deliberated on how to avoid the next set of questions, knowing that he knew when you lied, or else you felt so bad that you didn’t know how to lie convincingly to him.  

“Are you in pain, hungry? What is it?”

He was eager as always to take care of you, and whilst you accepted and enjoyed that; it felt intrinsically wrong and still terribly guilty.  You sighed deeply; knowing that he would automatically assume the correct answer to the last question.  It was none of the specific questions; he knew that already if he was honest with himself.  But going over old grounds with him, would not win you any brownie points.  Physically you were of course fine.  You had eaten more in the last few days than should have been humanly possible. There was nothing wrong; at least with you; unlike him.   

“Sweetheart this is going to turn into another of your attempts to prove to me how responsible you are for this, then I will get cross baby-girl.”

The growled warning also carried with it notes of added flippancy to your concerns.  A deep inset suggestion that he was as annoyed with your protests as you were with his refusals to accept you were guilty.  Again, you sighed.  This time holding your breath as you put aside the datapad.  Turning your body towards him and kneeling next to him on the shared couch.  Your body facing him for all you refused to still meet his gaze, foolishly ignoring his warning.

“How can any of this not be my fault.  I disobeyed you daddy.”

There was a snarl of annoyance, that crossed his features.  Though he replaced it with sternness when he looked back at you.  Pinching your chin and turning your face towards him, his eyes narrowing in a cold sternness that made you shudder.  Your spine suddenly cold, a shiver running it as though someone had dashed you in cold water. 

“Would it make you feel better then, if I punished you?”

Your heart thudded.  A treacherous thought returning to the day on Cadannia, when he had put you over his knee and spanked you.  Something in your stomach shooting off, sizzling like lightening and ending in a flash of fire to your core.  Making you exhale loudly, gasping as you realised you had held your breath for too long.  Blinking and turning wide eyed, to return you gaze to him, lips parted for all they wouldn’t let you voice your agreement.

Yes; you thought.  Yes, you should be punished.  But you shouldn’t feel a wicked sense of delight at him doing so.  You should have felt further ashamed that you had driven him to this, forcing him to voice his ire at you. 

“Stand up, and take off your bottoms.”

You shakily sprung to obey; folding your bottoms neatly and placing them on the small glass table next to him.  Reasoning with yourself, that your panties would guard your last vestiges of modesty.  That the skirt you had been forced to wear as a slave had hardly concealed much more.  Stopped in that line of reasoning, by another cold, iron-hard command.  This time instructing you to remove them too.  Leaving you white faced and shaky, unable to comply with his wishes. 

“Take them off! Now is not the time for modesty. I warned you last time that if this had to happen again, it would be on your bare ass; loose them.”    

The snarl was enough for you to snap out of your fear.  Refusing to look at the heap they made on the floor, or at him.  Unable to look him in the eye now, both for the shame he would see there; and the excitement.  Holding your hands over the front of your sex, to shield yourself from him.

“Come here and bend over my lap princess.”

You dropped readily to lay over his knees.  Thankful that this position would shield the part of you, you held clasped in your hand from his eyes.  Praying fervently that no one else would come in.  Biting your lip, as you stared at the floor, squealing in shock as fingers caught the underside of each cheek, relaxing into the brush of the digits over hyper-aware flesh.

“Ten I think, on each cheek.  Afterwards you can sit on my lap and thank me; but there will be no further mention of your guilt towards my current state.  Understood?”

Whilst an acceptance of his punishment might help; you didn’t think it would deter you from your guilt.  But you nodded anyway.  Reminded by the hard press of fingernails into one presented globe to answer verbally.  Your yes daddy I understand, prompting a hum of thought and then the swift removal of his hand from your waiting bottom.  The wait making you tense ready, and concerned; jumping as the air pressure changed around you.  You knew the first slap to your right buttock cheek, was coming, and yet you squealed again at the smarting pain.  The stinging needle like pain, it left behind; quickly spreading out into a painful heat.  Yelping as swiftly there was another stinging swat to the other buttock, making your eyes water and your other cheek smart with the pain.  Your opinion on if you would require further chastisements for the pain very swiftly changing.  It hurt, and already you wanted to break down and cry. 

He wasn’t cruel; not unnecessarily so.  But he still made sure it hurt enough to teach you a lesson; making you feel as though finally someone was punishing you for your disobedience.  The slaps causing you to burst into a heavy bout of tears.  General Hux ignoring the sobs that came towards the end, to deliver the final crack against your skin.  Giving you a moment or two to take deep calming breaths to recover and calm yourself again.  Permitting you, to as commanded climb on his lap and tucking a leg either side of his to straddle his hips.  Wrapping your arms around his neck and hiding your puffy face from him.  Whispering your thanks into the space where his neck met his shoulder.  Flopping forwards against his chest. Completely spent from the effort of tensing for each slap; but strangely relaxed and a little more at peace.

“Do you feel better for that?”

He was gentleness again.  Gone was the harsh tone of command that had made you shudder and sob.  Replaced by soothing brushes to your hair and down the length of your spine.  Cradling you to him in a way that surprisingly brought forth more tears.  These ones unlike the scream punctuated others, silent and slower.  Full of relief and less exhausting.  Making you nod silently into the dark space near his skin.  Tasting the salt of your tears on your dry lips, when you licked them to speak, beginning to suggest you should go wash your face now.  Cut short as he caught hold of the skin of your bottom, almost lifting you closer by the reddened and warmed skin.  Making you gasp at the heat radiated pain.  Though the coolness of his hands was a welcome and soothing sensation to the furnace that was your bottom. 

“Look at me.”

You wanted to hide your face, but that was an order; not a suggestion.  You moved back, as he supported you to tilt yourself back to enable you to better look up at him.  The sudden rush of coolness in the space between you both, making something else aware to you as you now physically struggled to escape him.  To get to the safety of a locked refresher door and clean yourself up.   Frightened by his opinion of the mess you had made on his lap; as much as you were embarrassed by your bodies apparently strange response to the spanking.  Frustrated as instead he held you tighter and chuckled at your weaker struggles.

That made it worse, to hear him laugh.  You knew you were naïve and you knew that the musky smell and dampness between your legs was not caused by a lack of control to your bladder; or any other such occurrence.  But you hadn’t been raised near other women and given the necessary lessons needed to understand it either.  Ashamed your cheeks had sunk to the same heated red as your bottom.  Unsure how you had not noticed sooner; before you climbed on his lap making that mess, and unable now to work out how to hide it either. 

He hadn’t looked down yet, but you could smell yourself in the air around you.  A sweet musky smell you had scented; once he must be able to smell too.  Making you wonder why he didn’t let you get off him and hide.

“I’m sorry, please let me fix it!”

“Stop squirming, and hold still; look at me.”

He cut you off quickly.  His voice was somewhere between the post spanking kindness and the controlled orders he had given before he spanked you.  Making you desist in your fighting him to hide and look up at him.  Gulping as he brought you back to him.  His hands moved to cup your cheek and leaning forwards to kiss your forehead.  Loosely holding you in place as he assured you that you had nothing to be ashamed of. 

“Have you ever masturbated?”

You looked over at him puzzled.  Frowning as you wondered how to answer a question that you didn’t understand.  Shaking you head at the next question.

“Touched yourself, here between your legs.”

You had touched, and seen others to understand now what he meant.  But you hadn’t; at least not in the way he meant.  General Hux brought his hand up your thigh and for the briefest of milliseconds, brushed against the slickness that seemed to coat your upper thighs. 

Shocking you as he brought them then to his mouth and pursed his lips around them and sucked.  Giving the slightest of groans before he swallowed thickly; an act which confused you.  Unsure, but settled by his actions, watching his eyes darkening and his voice no longer calm, and controlled.  Instead dipping into something deeper that made your toes curl.  The rough huskiness leaving you equally as aroused whilst you almost trembled.  Not entirely convinced where this was going, but sure as hell that your body wanted to see it go that way.  The fluttering inside of your sex making you forget your previous embarrassment.  Leaving you waiting; both frustrated and awkwardly unsure in his arms.  Focused on the proximity of his lips; tracing his cupids bow with your eyes, and almost darting closer to kiss him.

“Don’t.”

His one worded command, had you blinking and looking up at him wide eyed and confused as to why you couldn’t kiss him. 

“I do not want you touching yourself ever without my permission.”

The vehemence in his voice echoed off your desire, plunging lower and lower like his voice.  Gasping as he caught hold of your sex, cupping it in the palm of his hands.  Holding you for all he kept his fingers, from your outer lips.  The sensible side of you confused as to how that could be a bad thing.  Whilst your sex throbbed its demands that perhaps that was not something you wanted to agree to. 

“This belongs to daddy. Oh, in time I will teach you how to make yourself cum.  But you do not do it unless I say you can; understood princess?”

You sucked your bottom lip between your teeth, holding your breath.  Nodding wide eyed whilst your breathed out and hummed a whined agreement to his instructions.  Accepting the filthiness of his words, and lost to the sensations they made as he caught your mouth in the kiss you had wanted.  This kiss less controlled than the others before and brimming with something that made you want to beg for him to continue; to teach you.  His fingers darting to slide under your top and his teeth to nip at your bottom lip.  Sucking it into his own mouth, leaving it swollen and plump.  Cupping the underside of your breast first through, then under your compression top.  Brushing his thumbs almost nonchalantly over your straining nipples.  Making you whine and instinctively arch your back to his touch.  Pressing yourself deeper into his hands, and your sex harder against him.  Unintentionally rotating your hips in tiny little rocking movements against him.  Catching yourself as you realised what you were doing and apologising to him for making it worse. 

Unsure by your innocence and reminded by his breathlessness that he was injured. That if like him, this made your breath come shuddery like this; then it was more than likely that it made his heart race and thud like yours too.  His praise for you warming and encouraging; making you less ashamed by your body.

“So fucking responsive, so beautiful. Stand up princess, straddle my thigh.”

You obeyed.  Cheeks flushed and your nipples hard as they strained against the confining material of your compression top.  Completely forgetting that you were half naked, to sit down on him.  His hands lifting your top to study the mess of your sex and thighs as you straddled him, this time more sure that this was okay.  Clutching at him, as he arched his neck to reach down and present you, more of his heated kisses.  The new positioning pressing the fluttering part of you that throbbed so violently now against his leg.  Panting and gasping as he pulled away and ran the fingers of one hand down the base of your neck and to your hip.  Lifting your hair from your neck and rubbing his mouth over the bared skin as his other hand dug almost painfully into your side.  Pecking at you until you gave a shudder, and moaned aloud as your eyes closed to everything.

It was more than your sheltered little mind and body had ever felt.  Nor in your frustrated and half-hearted attempts dreamed it would.  Tears prickling your eyes, and slipping through closed lids to run cooled tracks over your heated cheeks.  Slipping easily into your open and panting mouth.  Gasping as you swallowed them down before his mouth caught yours again.  This time his tongue darting into your mouth, brushing against yours and slowly coaxing it to brush against his.  Breaking off to give a vocal command to continue to grind yourself against him as he directed your hips.  Smearing the musky wetness, you had previously been so ashamed of into his clothed thigh, whispering encouragement into your ear.

“I can’t”

You knew you were close to something, but it was too much to ask you to stop thinking long enough to let it have enough of a control over you. Your breath ragged and coming in spurts, your body tense and singing with anticipation.  Each and every nerve hyper-sensitive, for all you couldn’t care less for anything else but chasing your pleasure.   Strands of your hair sticking to your forehead, brushed easily aside as you rubbed your face against his chest.  His body a thick smell of his cologne and toiletries; sandal wood, pepper and something sweet and citrusy. 

“You can baby, let go; do it for me.”

You shook your head to his murmured words, not a refusal; but request for him to understand you couldn’t.  His answer to kiss you again on each dusky cheek, adding more encouragement and then taking control of your movements.  Speeding you up slightly and taking over so that you could relax against him further.  Keening wordlessly into his neck as he reassured you, calling you his good girl as the walls of your sex pulsed in one last violently-pleasant cramp. One that gave way to fluttering and a heavy pulse.  Your body exhausted and over heated as you lay across his chest.  His hands less confining once more, and instead stroking soothing patters and whorls against your skin.  Silently caring for you, the only sound from him a sight chuckle as you looked up at him; suddenly ashamed once more at your behaviour.

“Sorry daddy.”

“You think that was a bad thing sweetheart?”

You thought, sucking at the inside of your cheek and chewing on it.  No, it had not been a bad sensation at all.  If that was an orgasm, then you thoroughly enjoyed it, and in many ways you were happy he had been there for your first one.  But you were confused; didn’t these normally happen during sex; wasn’t that the point of them, for him to engage in intercourse with you.  Not as you protested to do it this this way, to let you make a mess over him like this?

His first answer was a quiet groan, similar to the one he gave as he cleansed his fingers of the same slick covering your thighs and his leg.  His second to lift you and carry you bodily into the refresher, sitting you on his lap as he ran water and dipped a wash cloth into it. 

“You think this is somehow dirty, because you get wet?  That it would matter to me how you achieve your pleasure?”

You nodded your answer, as he swung your legs over his and parted them wider.  General Hux bringing the warmed wash cloth between your legs, rubbing it in small circles up your thighs to remove the juices smeared there.  His voice flippant and quiet making you tense your back where it rested against his chest.

“Whoever taught you such strange notions about sex?”

Your reply was quick to come.  Too quick to hide the hurt and confusion at his dismissal at your innocence.

“Nobody, there wasn’t anyone I was the eldest human.”

You had barely seen other humans, let alone an attractive or clean one.  Not since from when you were a child had there been an elder human female around you on Cadannia and the visiting men made you want to run and hide.  The non-human humanoids were too different, or again too young to inspire any questions from you.  So instead unless it was urgent you hadn’t asked; it was not like the Yuuzhan Vong would tell you anything. 

“This little one, is supposed to be messy; that is a part of what makes it fun.”

General Hux had stopped whilst you had stiffened, pulling your face towards him to reassure you.  Kissing you once more as you relaxed, frowning but accepting of the sincerity.  The washcloth dabbing at your sex to clean it, his arm around your waist and his mouth near your ear as you watched him clean you.  The act strangely contradicting of his assurances that it was okay to be this messy, his breath gentler now as it tickled your ear. 

“Besides eventually you will make that mess all over daddy’s face; and he will like that very much baby-girl.”


	19. Kept my soul by your side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies that this one is shorter than other chapters; but I think given where it has left off it needed to. To add some of what happens next would have broken the chapter up wrong, and to keep it all would have made it too long.

Daddy’s return to work, meant more time spent in your lessons.  He was a busy man, and that much you understood; but having had him so long to yourself made the days even longer.  There was structure to your days at least.  The Supreme Leader’s orders that you be instructed in how to use your gift seemed to involve the addition of time spent daily with Kylo Ren.  His lessons far less structured than the ones in elocution, though far more fun. 

Truly there was no pattern to allow you to understand what exactly was being taught; which from his heated conversations with General Hux you gathered was deliberate.  There had been hushed words, but it was pointless to lower their voices.  You didn’t need to hear the exact words to understand that they did not like what was being done to you.   Nor were they about to let on to you what it was Kylo Ren was being ordered to tutor you in.  it perhaps should have concerned you more, but you failed to see how it could really be that bad.  The lessons with Commander Ren where fun.  Dancing and games mostly; though once or twice he had made you promise not to tell General Hux; before directing you to another part of the ship.  This one decked out like a gym, and judging from the people around meant for the training of the ship’s stormtroopers. 

These lessons were fun, for all you were not good at the hand to hand combat that Kylo Ren drilled you in.  Regularly you found yourself being thrown onto your back.  The Commander amused by the speed at which you would get up to face him again.  His eyes full of mirth, whilst his mouth slid into a sideways grin.

“You’re holding back on me!”

Your complaint was met with a roll of his eyes, and his assurances that he was not.  His walls up so that you could not read his true meaning.  Making you protest that was as much an admission of his guilt as the ability to hear it yourself.  Making him tilt his head in submission of your indignant pouting. 

“Daddy doesn’t approve of you learning to defend yourself; nor was it in the given orders for you.  But I for one think it is a foolish oversight on his behalf, to assume he will be there at every danger you face.”

He meant that he had to be careful not to leave too many bruises.  One or two you could hide, or dismiss as clumsiness; but if he truly went to town on you not only would his secret be up.  But General Hux would not be happy with it at all; and it would probably result in you losing your newfound comrade and your secret to daddy’s unnecessary protection. Still he had taken less care to go as easy on you.  His added speed and momentum making it simple enough for you to for once trip him.  Unable to pin him, but at least leaving that session with more than just aches.  This one you left with a sense of pride that you had made some progression in these sparse lessons; and hoping you could hide the bruise on your bottom.             

Soon whatever work that was being done to the Finalizer, was completed.  Meaning that you were finally to be placed in your permanent home.  But even that was to come with extra surprises; not all of them a pleasantly taken as they were meant to be.  Currently you had been escorted by a protocol droid to what you thought were to be your old quarters; disappointment find you in new ones.  Ones which judging from the layout, were not to include a shared bed.  It was not a thoughtless act to put you in these rooms.  It was huge, more space than you could have ever thought to imagine to yourself.  But it was also entirely too much space to yourself.  Made worse by the viewport in your reception room.  The one that showed a rapidly disappearing ship; one that disappeared too quickly as you slid into hyper-space to know if it was the ship you had been on; or the Finalizer you had hoped to be returning to.   

Now as you flitted forlornly through the reception room, complete with a small kitchenette it was not to the happy sensations going home should have instilled in you.  Or the gratitude you should have felt for the effort expended on yourself.  You felt wretched for being so upset with what was meant as a treat.  The room was enormous, almost like the one you had shared in General Hux’s quarters and the bedroom was just as huge.  The bedding far more colourful and the bed quite a lot more feminine in design than you would have expected to find aboard a Stardestroyer.  Daddy had very much had a hand in the design and creation of it all.  But there was no sign of him having any place in it; let alone on the ship.  So as you crawled into bed to hide amongst the mass of pillows there, it was with one or two sniffles as the situation. 

You could not understand why he would want you to be separate.  Why given what he had done to you, he would want to then put you in your own room.   No, not what he had done to you; what he had made you do to yourself.  Your cheeks reddened at that thought, of him making you hump his leg until you had orgasmed in front of him.  Not only had that been your first orgasm, but it had happened with someone.  It had been completely because of him. 

He had been so kind, so gentle afterwards; that you didn’t think you had done anything that bad.  But then you had been so set on chasing your orgasm that you hadn’t stopped to think.  Should you have in some way reciprocated, was he expecting more from you than you had given?  Would someone less naive to his circles have better known how to behave; would Dr Amara have known?  Your gut twisted at that.  You had never really had that conversation with him; but you were pretty sure given his attitude towards her in the medicenter; you doubted they were still sleeping together.  To your knowledge he had not been around her since you had woken to her argument with General Hux.  He certainly had not mentioned her, but what would she make of what had happened.  You were innocent; but not stupid.  To say she had not been happy to see you laid in bed asleep with him was an understatement; but he still had a professional relationship with her.  You needed his advice on how to behave, on how afraid he really was for your safety.

“Sweetheart?”      

Either you had not been listening; or else you had not heard the opening of the door.  Still, you could now hear the approach of his footsteps.  Slow measured strides that as always fell in a purposeful tempo, pattering closer to your bedside. Your heart beating wildly in your chest as you realised this meant that wherever you were; it was at least aboard his ship.  You would have recognised those foot falls as his, even without his spoken greeting to you.  His steps slowing as he reached the bed side and lifted one corner of your cover, peering down at you.   Only your confusion at this set up keeping you from throwing yourself at him.  Until you knew all was okay, you would not raise your hopes.

“Are you unwell, did someone upset you?”

You shook your head, not just in answer; but in disbelief of his concern.  Still curled uselessly up on yourself under the coverlets.  His face now even more so, one of confusion and worry.  Now you felt ashamed of your disappointment, and that he had seen you like this.  That you had brought more worry to his already enormous workload.  Already you had barely seen him in his first weeks of work.  Late nights and early mornings had meant that he had barely had time to kiss your forehead goodbye.  Still he had always returned to you; if only to change his clothing.  Now he sighed.  Kicking off his boots and climbing in with you.  Wrapping his arms around you to pull you to his chest, ignoring your guilty protests that you were fine.  Feeling worse when you looked closer at the deep shadows under his eyes; cross that you had added to his lists of worries.  You should have always been cheerful, pleased to see him; shouldn’t you?

Your apology was dismissed as unnecessary.  His arms tightening on you, making you sniffle as in a small voice you asked where his room was and explained that you had believed you were on separate ships.  A small laugh escaping him, before he clutched your face and make you look at him.  His silver-blue eyes lit with amusement, the smile it had there reaching as far as his mouth.  One side curled up as he pressed his lips to your own in a single kiss, that puzzled you all the more.

“You have not been as inquisitive as I had expected you to be.”

This time his sigh was more of a large breath, than confusion. You frowned at him, ashamed to be so much trouble.  His hand slipping under your chin to stroke gently along your jaw bone, his thumb stoking the pad of your lower lip.

“I have many meetings to attend; some will have to take place in my quarters.  Some would use that the General of the First Order has a weak spot, as ammunition against him.  It is best that the people I have to entertain, think of you as my ward still; especially as I am too selfish to put you somewhere more befitting a young lady.”

There was reluctance in his voice as he spoke; and perhaps to soften what he said he ended it with a kiss to your temple.  Placing another to the corner of your mouth and rubbing your back.  Turning onto his back and taking you with him.  Your head now falling onto his chest, rubbing creases into the perfectly ironed fabric.  He was right to keep you here.  You would not have lasted long on your own; nor would have been happy housed away from him.  Still it hurt that you were not good enough for these people; that you worried you would never be good enough to mix with these people.  Still there was one thing you could take from this; at least he had no intentions of leaving you alone on some planet.  One other thing too, you realise; then as he kissed the top of your head and stroked your head felt brave enough to ask about. 

“If I am your weak spot, then why keep me alone?”

You needed reassurance; therefore, the laugh that he gave was not hurtful, but not exactly comforting either.  His amusement coming through his voice as he laughed through his reply.  Amazement and amusement coming though his answer.

“Little one, I am very fond of you; why else do you think I want to keep you from these horrible people.  It is to keep you safe, not to hide you from them.”

Your lip curled up into a snarl, at the confusion that came through with his answer.  The suggestion that he was not hiding you from any embarrassment that you were a former slave, but because he disliked the people he was going to be dealing with.  Why then had he chosen to keep you entirely separate from himself, especially after refusing to do so for so long.  It was pure confusion; you didn’t understand how his world worked.  Meaning whichever way, you looked at it, it was an indication that you were not good enough, that you were still very lacking in your skillset.  

“Where will you sleep?”

It choked both you and your pride to ask him that.  Your cheeks darkening at such a weak, such a vulnerable question.  You were still on his ship sleeping in your room, just as you had been before the raid; before he had decided you were to sleep next to one another.  If this was his choice, then so be it; you had slept alone for pretty much your entire life.  To be apart from him now to sleep, shouldn’t matter as much as it did right now to your sinking heart.

“What is the matter, tell me how to put this right.”

The question left you open to so much, but you took a breath first.  Not sure if he would consider you too clingy.  You already relied on him for everything, and he freely gave you what you needed; he did look after you.  Would he think then that you were asking him for something he could not give?  His time was already so precious; perhaps he needed to sleep alone for a little bit.  Maybe he regretted ever letting you share his bed; or else it was only ever meant to be a temporary measure.  Perhaps you should not have hoped for this to be a permanent arrangement. 

Your name was spoken, a finger running the bridge of your nose.  Another kiss; this one to the very tip of your nose.  You were frowning again, and this time he was too.  He was concerned you realised; making you blunder.  Mixing up the eloquently worded reply you had planned, instead turning it into a short simple; almost too child-like answer.  Especially given the sensations each almost innocuous touch was waking.  The same almost misunderstood sensation of arousal as before, that began to tingle under your skin.  Flitting up your spine and making you shiver, tightening your voice to an even quieter whisper.

“I don’t want to sleep on my own.”

He laughed again; a breathy gasp almost that he caught quickly, still it made you pout and scowl at him.  Struggling to release yourself and run from your coltish clumsiness and escape your embarrassment; you hated being vulnerable. His strength though held you back from escaping him, with expert ease.  Coaxing you to calm down and listen to him; to wait.

“Princess, stop it look.”  

The covers had dropped down a little from the nest he had kept you cocooned in; the additional light he crisply ordered to your room making it easier to see how he had gotten in without disturbing you.  The last of the closets in a row against the side wall, displaying not the insides of a closet; but a discreet entrance.

“That one leads into my bedroom; do you think I want to sleep alone?”

You had not stopped to think that he too might be disliking of his little subterfuge.  The honest admission that he had no intentions of giving you up warming you right to your belly and beyond.  Your toes curling up on themselves as your mouth pulled to a line of thought, sucking in your cheek as you debated how best to apologise; deliberating on how much you wanted to tell him in your explanation.  Now raised on your forearms you looked down at him.  His thick russet hair messed by your struggles.  His tunic-top ruched up around his chest whilst his hands still kept a hold of your fore arms, his legs tucked around your calves and anchoring you in place.  He didn’t look overly cross, but still you bottom twinged as your teeth moved to worry your bottom lip.  Mumbling your apology through them, and asking if he was going to punish you for fighting him.

“No baby, I think you have punished yourself enough for one day; why would you think I was putting you aside.”

He shook his head as he spoke; his eyes blinking closed for a moment; letting you drop your head to his chest and holding you tight to him.  Holding your forehead against his collar bone, for a breath or two, then tilting your chin to look up at him; your face displaying your guilt.  It had never fully occurred to you that that was your concern; or how badly hurt you were even by the idea.  You worried now that perhaps you were too at risk, too much dependant on him.

“I have been busy with work, but I have no intention of letting you go anywhere.”

There was finality in his voice and guilt.  More so in his embrace; his head tilting to ensure you understood that you had his full attention at least for now.  Nodding when he asked if you understood, your hand pressed to his chest and eyes wide when he pulled you fully onto his chest.  Head tucked under him, and his fingers tangling in your hair to smooth it down.  His own appearance forgotten as he pacified your previous worry; your eyes flickering shut periodically at the hums he gave that almost soothed you to sleep.  His own eyes succumbing to his intentions quicker than you did, and his arm flopping against you as his breathing deepened into a small snore. 

Given all the extra work General Hux had completed in his first few days back, you knew he had to be exhausted.  He barely slept at the best of times, so you sure as hell were not about to miss the chance to have a nap with him.  Inhaling his scent and enjoying it, sulking as with a jolt he came back around to wakefulness.  Disappointed when he pulled a coms device from his pocket and frowned at a blinking light on it.  Pulling himself free of you and taking a second to put his hair to rights before standing up.  Tugging his tunic down and very uncharacteristically of himself bending to pull you to your feet. Apologising that he had to go, but reminding you that you too had duties to perform; lessons to be learnt.  But that he would be back by the evening meal, leaving the door way to his room open. 

You were disappointed to have been abandoned so suddenly.  But realistically, you knew he had a ship to run; still he worked too hard and you wished it was not always the case.  Sitting only a moment longer before your feet made up their mind for you and led you through the mock cupboard.  Straight into what you assumed by the familiar bed and monochrome decorations was daddy’s replacement bedroom.

Further exploration revealed the same set up as before, but with a larger reception room and instead of your single bedded room, his office.  The refresher too was in the same place as before, and again bigger.  This time with the addition of a large bath tub, the controls looking complicated and difficult to use.  Still you thought, grinning whilst you sucked in your cheek; that would be something you would have to coerce daddy into sharing.  You could swim, but you had never been fortunate enough to be anywhere you could have a hot bath before; it would be an experience.

“I am sure daddy will oblige.”

You grinned and turned to face Commander Ren.  Your brow raised in a mockery of chastisement, knowing that Kylo Ren would never divulge your pet name for General Hux.  Not to save face with the General; but entirely to protect you.  Now you guessed he had come for the day’s lesson; one which unlike earlier you felt you could face.

The rest of the day went well.  The lessons consisting of a mix of a little known board game and of all things a dance lesson.  This one very different to what General Hux had taught you.  Much more structured; and of course much more chaste than the one you had had with General Hux before the raid.  This one you thought at first, required more concentration.  Though you were soon to learn that it was easier to follow Kylo Ren’s guidance when you closed your eyes and didn’t think.  Simply allowing him to lead you through the prescribed paces until you knew them off by heart.  Finishing only when General Hux’s arrival signalled the day was over.  Kylo Ren bidding you goodbye, whilst the General scowled at his passing, before greeting you.

“You know sometimes I wonder how even you manage to manipulate him so well.”

You were sure you did nothing of the sort. Still after today you were not going to argue with him, rather you smiled to his kiss.  Humming an affirmative as he asked if you had had a good day and asking what you wanted to do with the short time he had to spare.

“I need a bath daddy.”

You had taken an outright gamble, but as you stared up through lowered lashes at the man pausing in his attempt to take a drink.  Just staring at you, whilst you wondered if you had done wrong by asking him to use his bath.  Unsure if perhaps it had been his intention to ensure you used separate refreshers; if that had been something he had intended on. 

He swallowed and your cheeks heated at your blunder, apologising before it could cause him anymore discomfort; kicking yourself for yet again another blunder.  Today had already been full of enough of them; too many of them for your liking. 

“You do know little girls need their daddies to help them bathe; don’t you princess?”

Maker, there was the same breathy tone you had heard before he had kissed you.  Pink spots appearing on his cheeks as he waited for your reply.  The first clue before he halted in his steps to you, that perhaps he too feared rejection; that this could be something new to him.  Was this something new to him also, something you could give him that others had not.  You dipped your head once, biting your lip.  Aware that your body liked this game for all of your innocence; hoping he did too as much as you did, and that he could keep on leading you so long as you let him take it.  You liked him making you feel vulnerable.    

“Please daddy.”  


	20. Clutched to slivers of golden fumes

Where as you had started out so brave and sure in the innocent roleplay of before, the look General Hux gave you now made you suddenly more than a little shy.  Butterflies dancing, nervous with excitement in the pit of your stomach at the hopes you had for it.  Your heart thudding like wildfire caged by paper, face paling and eyes wide as he took your hand in his to lead you into his bedroom.  Instructing you firmly to sit on the end of his bed and wait for him.  Leaning forwards to kiss your down turned forehead before he opened the refresher room door.

You waited nervously.  Peering nervously through the open doorway to the refresher.  Watching as General Hux rolling up his tunic sleeves to leave his fore arms bare.  Eyes following him as he set the temperature and depth level at the control for the bath.  Leaving it to run whilst he busied himself with adding scented toiletries to the steaming water.  Selecting them from a cupboard somewhere above the sink and set to a height you would struggle to access.  Dipping his hands into the steaming water and swirling the water about to mix the added liquids together.  They were probably all some sort of expensive soap you deduced from the mountains of bubbles foaming atop of the water.  Ones which judging from the perfumed smell, he had acquired not so much for his personal usage as it was for yours.  Daddy had stocked that cupboard with this in mind all along, he had already foreseen you wanting to use his bath.  There was always space for you; you just had to look for it.    

You sighed almost contentedly at the safety of feeling wanted and belonging somewhere.  A tingling feeling settling between your legs at the promise of what else might be to come.  You hoped that the bath promised to be anything but an innocent chance to bathe, that this was not about to be a simple case of getting clean.  You hoped for a similar experience as the night he had been ill and spanked you.  The taps that had finished filling the bath where switched off.  Now nervous excitement made you want to curl your toes, hoping this would be as enjoyable as the last time. 

“Finished princess, now are you going to get undressed for daddy; or does he have to help you with that too?”

Unsure how grownups suggested that they wanted what you did and frustrated at your own ineptitudes; wishing you knew more.  Cross that his suggestion that he undress you, brought with it a new wave of anxiety; one you had not considered before.  One less full of excitement; more heavily laced with dread.  He had seen bits of you naked, but completely undressed; that was very different.  What if you looked different to how he would have liked you to? 

“Is my little girl shy now?”

He sounded almost breathless, despite the edge of determined resoluteness to the timbre of his words.  Daddy was not just teasing, he was checking that you were okay with where this was going and offering his encouragement.  His fingers caught under your chin as he knelt down to you; the stoop of his knees bringing you both to a similar height.  His eyes searching yours briefly for a moment, no longer blown wide and black but filled with concern.  Shifting somewhere between blue and a silver green as briefly they blinked away his arousal.  Bare hands stroking up your legs to your hips.  Your lips parted in a silent gasp as he pulled you sharply to him, the movement making you clutch at the shoulders of his work tunic.  

Daddy took this as a sign to return to where this was going.  The kisses he now placed to your cheek working their way to your ears; making you shudder against him as he softly bit down on the fleshy lobe.  Running his tongue up the fragile shell of it until you whined aloud and closed your eyes to the glassy, watery feeling they created in them.  Your breath coming forth, in almost shallow pants that matched the strumming of your blood through your veins. 

With his extra years of experience General Hux seemed to know as always how best to work you. So when the murmured growl of a suggestion came again for him to help to undress you, you nodded biting your lip nervously.  Cheeks heating to a blazing red whilst you watched below lowered lashes, the passage of his hands on your clothing.  Eyes blown to almost unfocused black orbs, as he worked over the front catches to your rank-less uniform.  Exposing your undergarments, before pushing it from your shoulders and working it off your arms.  Tiny bolts of lightening tracing each nerve pathway he stroked languidly over your stomach and down, following each swooping pass with a kiss. Your flesh both chilling and heating in equal measure as his hands dipped to the waistband of your trousers.  Leaning backwards onto your elbows to both better watch him and to help to raise your bottom as he pulled them from you.  Taking even your shoes and socks from you, to leave you in just your undergarments.  Just a half-cut compression top and panties.

“Are you cold princess?”

You shook your head, frowning at his odd question.  Remembering to swallow the gathered saliva under your tongue, as you asked a simple why not adding that his quarters where never cold and had not been since you had moved into them. 

“Good, daddy can take this off then.”

He was taking this slowly for you.  Still making sure at every step you were still comfortable before he reached to the back of your compression top.  Hooking his fingers under the elastic hem and lifting his arms to pull it over your head.  Instructing you to stand and follow him into the refresher. Taking your hand when you tried to wrap them both protectively across your bared chest.  General Hux only letting go of it only when you stood at the bath side.  Watching you instinctively hold them back up crossed over your chest, trying to cover your bared breasts.  Peering down at the man crouched down at your feet and removing the cotton woven fabric pooled at your ankles.  General Hux for now, seemingly ignoring your shyness to instruct you to lift your feet in sequence.  Helping you to step free from each leg hold when told to and dropping the used garment in a laundry chute. 

“Drop your hands baby-girl.”

He had waited a moment or two before giving the order; still you could not make yourself obey it.  Instead you shook your head, sucking your lower lip into your mouth.  Holding it there under your front two teeth and eyes pleading with him to help you, whilst shyness made it too difficult for you to move them.  Your muscles held tight, unsure where this nervousness came from; it only seemed to hit you around him.  Nakedness had never been a thing to hide during your servitude under the Yuuzhan Vong; then you had spent every day practically naked.  But then only he had ever seemed to matter, as far as your current worries in your short life went.  Perhaps he was the only thing worth worrying over loosing.

Patient as ever with you, he did not make any more demands for you to uncover yourself.  Instead he tilted his head up to study you as he knelt back on his haunches.  His mouth quirking into a twisted grin as he decided on his course of action, darting his head forwards and down quickly.  His eyes alive with amusement as he slowly kissed your thigh, his tongue loosely dripping to taste the same space of skin.  Placing a series of three in a vague linear pattern upwards.  Then to your shock a fourth right on the mound of your sex.  The sight of him kiss you there and the foreign sensation making you gasp and your cheeks redden at the perverseness of wanting him to continue.  Obeying your instinctive need to reach down to steady yourself, tangling your hands in the burnished copper of his hair.  Tousling what had been a breath or two ago immaculately combed hair, into a messy bouffant in an effort to cover your shock at where he had placed his mouth. 

“See you never have to hide from daddy, now get into the bath before you do get cold.”

His voice was gravelly low; but there was an edge of iron there that you scrambled to obey.  Lifting first one, then the other leg to stand into the bath.  Accepting his hand, when offered to help you sit down into the water.  Eyes glued to his, as you laid yourself back against the head of the bathtub.  Sinking lower until the water sloshed over your stomach the bubbles almost covering your entire torso.  Sighing as its warmth penetrated your muscles and swirling your feet around. Closing your eyes to relax into the perfumed heat, the water deep and topped with a mountain of bubbles; hiding your naked skin. 

You had to give it to him, Daddy had good taste.  It smelt amazingly good as it settled around your neck.  Feminine, though not too floral, he knew you too well to pick anything too girly out.  The scent picked for you had sweet undertones, that worked well with sandalwood and citrus.  All of it was a pure luxury for a former slave-girl.  If this was a bath, you hoped there would be more of them. You had already decided you liked them far more than showers.  You hoped there would be plenty more of them.   

“Just as beautiful as I remember.”

You opened your eyes to look up at General Hux, a flannel in one of his hands, soap in the other; rubbing them both together.  Blinking as you sat up for him, turning your head to watch him as he rubbed the soaped-up cloth over your back.  His words where genuine. It seemed that for once you where having very little issues with understanding his intentions, it was perhaps more in your willingness to accept them. 

 “You can see me under all of this?”

General Hux nodded to your squeaked reply, a singular dip of his chin that made you feel all the more vulnerable for your nakedness.  His hands gently holding yours in place, when they had landed on the bath side to prevent you moving back from him.  His eyes for all he claimed he could see you naked fixed only on your face.  Making you think back on the day you had woken inside of his walker.  You had thought that you had been stripped naked for their usage, unable to process back then a kindness for its sake alone.  Knowing that anyone who had come into contact with you, had only done so because they had a use in mind for you. 

Knowing him as you did now, you were certain it was a very chaste affair.  Especially since normally he was very much protective of your privacy.  It was embarrassing then to think that you had been naively ready to show Kylo Ren pretty much everything of yourself.  Ready to drop the sheet before he had twirled away and demanded General Hux attend to you.  The redhead who summoned himself quickly to your side behaving with absolute propriety and looking away as you had dressed yourself.  Why had Kylo Ren called for Hux? Was it to purely to prevent him being placed in an awkward position; or had he had already known then, that General Hux had already seen you naked. That brought forth a remembrance of a conversation with that man.  A suggestion that perhaps General Hux’s intentions towards you had never been truly all that pure, for all he had done his uttermost to keep them that way.  You already knew he had known before you had of your attraction to him.

_“Instead all he talks of are empty promises, made to still the fears inside his heart.  Mostly for when his cock begs to be taken in hand over a fanciful image of him taking you.”_

Your heated face must have given away most of what you had been thinking on, for general Hux to look at you as he did now.  Prompting you to speak quickly in your self-defence and to avoid the more embarrassing of the two subjects.  Wondering why then you had been granted some privacy when General Hux in turn, had turned his back to allow you to dress after already seeing everything.

“It was you who took my dress off me?”

“If you can call that shapeless lump of dirty rags a dress.”

The scorn in his voice, led to some confusion as to what he had thought then when he had seen you naked.  A pitted lump in your stomach making you wonder what he had thought of you back then, wondering why if you had been that dirty he had kept you.  There must have been something, you had never been subtle in your changes; but he had always thought he looked away.  But he now he was admitting that he had taken note of how you looked, perhaps; had he?

“Kylo Ren says, that is I mean.”

You where tripping over your words as much as you were your thoughts; daddy still working the cloth methodically over your body.  First down your spine, almost to the tops of your buttocks and then back to each shoulder blade.  Now he had stopped, patiently waiting for you to gather up the words you needed.  Suggesting you take a breath and then start again.  Your cheeks hotter than they had ever been in your life, a dread weight falling as you clarified what you meant.  Your words no more easily formed than before.

“Kylo Ren say that I you do things, that is to say you.  Sexually do I excite you; because I haven’t ever seen you naked; and you haven’t?” 

You trailed off, your mouth too dry to continue, but the answer you were expecting was not a short burst of laughter.  General Hux’s eyes dancing with mirth, whilst you just sat there more confused than annoyed.  His hand instantly moving to cup your cheeks, bringing his mouth to yours in a quick and sloppy kiss.  Firm and heated, full of suggestion as much as a promise to your question.  Stealing your breath and the tatters of your budding anger.  Breathing once before he looked you dead in straight in the eyes, adding a firmness to his tone.  Deliberately done in the hopes that you could feel the weight behind the words he spoke to you.

“Yes baby-girl; lots.”

He took up the flannel, wetting it to rinse the suds from your back before repeating the action to clean across your stomach.  Working in circular motions higher until it brushed the underside of your breast.  Higher still, over each one and then under your neck, the water chilling on your skin to tighten up your nipples.  His eyes following each tack of soap.  This time only looking back to your face when he replaced the fabric in the water to once more rise it off.  Daddy’s eyes searching your own as he squeezed the flannel, watching as your cheeks coloured a pretty pink with arousal as the water cascaded over your hardened nipples.  His own showing signs of an animated heat, his plumb lips parting to allow his tongue to run over them.  His eyes suddenly so serious, his adams apple bobbing as he swallowed hard, prompting you to frown and nervously sit straighter; clutching at his forearm.

“What’s wrong daddy?”

His head shook, making you realise you could have read him all wrong somewhere.  His hand coming back up to your chest, this time devoid of any flannel.  Wet and slippery with the remnants of soap it slid easily up your sternum.  Using the crook of his finger, to lift your neck, pulling your chin up to his waiting mouth.  Kissing you before he spoke again, this time unmistakable in his words.

“Maker alone knows how much you excite me, you are so kriffing perfect.”

His hand slid down your body as he spoke, his forehead against yours.  His palm landing on the top of the thigh furthest from him, giving it a quick squeeze of encouragement as subtly you inched your legs apart.  His hand following your reflex and sliding further from your knee, closer to your hip bone than it had been before.  The fire it was creating in proximity to your sex making you whine, following his raised eyebrow with a bold suggestion; bolstered by the flattery of his admission to you.

“I’m dirty there too daddy.”

Your suggestion was still quiet for all you willed yourself not to be.  The words almost stuck in your throat as you tried them out.  But Maker he blushed too, not just his cheeks, but the whole of his face and neck.  The amazement on his face the only thing that made you sure it was a good thing that you had been so forward.  Momentarily proud of yourself for playing that hand, until he decided to play the game too, knocking you from your seat of security. 

“Where baby?”

His voice was genuine, but you knew he was all mock seriousness and concern.  Taken aback at being caught out, you could not manage to find the words.  Instead you mutely pointed to between your legs.  Waiting; hoping for him to get the hint and touch the throbbing need there.  Almost slapping the water in frustration when he lent back and removed his hand from your thigh. 

For all the nonchalance he displayed, you knew it was to tease; but it did not make it any easier.  Pleased when he muttered at the last moment almost under his breath, that all of you looked pretty clean to him.  But he supposed as a responsible daddy he should check you there, just in case.  Your breath hitching in your throat when his hand dipped back into the water and slid through it to you. The first three finger tips trailing up the top of your legs to the mound of your sex.  Softly touching the soft skin that lay between your thighs and barely tickling the outside lips of your yearning sex.  You needlessly nodded a yes to his question, that did you mean here.  Your eyes spreading wide as oh so gently he touched you, dipping past your labia to brush inside.  A feather light touch that ran smoother on your slickened inner labia, up towards something so sensitive that you gasped aloud as he bushed it.  Your hand grasping his bared forearm whilst he worked your breathing into a more ragged peak.  Your legs now spread as for as the bath side would allow, giving him free and unfettered access to you.  Your breath coming faster as he pressed a little firmer to you and moved in small circles against your slickened sex.  Looking up at him through your half-lidded eyelashes as he touched you.

It looked all the more erotic for the contrast in clothing.  General Hux still his perfectly turned out self, even knelt in just undershirt and parade trousers.  His hair still combed back to show razor sharp cheek bones and soft plush lips that twitched with an itch to smile.  All but his eyes a blank mask of any sign that this was arousing him.  You naked and slippery, your mouth spitting forth a series of small whines and mewls.  Aware as you caught yourself in his stare that he was watching you.  For all the pretence that he was not affected by this, it was all just a game; he was equally as wanting in this as you were.  The only difference was that he was not too far gone to lose control; yet.  His eyes slipped to watch the space between your eyes, following the line of his hand to where it sat beneath the cooling water, looking up to you with a singular raised ginger brow.    

“Your right baby, this is an absolutely filthy pussy.”

You repeated the last word, almost silently; pocketing it away for later.  Your body almost shaking with the onslaught of sensations he seemed to be able to produce with one hand.  Aware that this was a far better feeling that when he had had you grind your ‘pussy’ into his thigh.  General Hux’s eyes moving to follow the curve of your mouth as you had spoken it.  His forefinger hooking your chin to lift it to him, his eyes shifting between aroused dilation and hooded want as he ran his thumb under your kiss swollen lower lip.

“I think you had better stand up so that I can better clean it.”

Your eyes where glassy, and you closed your mouth.  Wetting your lips, where they had grown drier than usual from panting.  Batting your eyelids at him, as he pulled his hand away, giving you a drawled suggestion of an order to move, one that you scrambled as quickly as your boneless limbs would allow to accommodate to.  Eager to accept his offered support as he helped you to stand to eye level with him.

This time there was nothing subtle in the way that he appraised you.  Using both his eyes and his hands, the refresher room less warm with out the heated bath water.  Making your teeth clack together and your nipples harden to painful cold peaks that this time you did not bother to hide from him, nodding when he asked if his baby was cold.

He tutted at that.  Not a cruel sound, but one that made you wonder if you had done wrong again.  All thoughts of that gone when he leant down to close the small space between you; deliberately nudging one nipple with the tip of his nose.  Your breath held languidly tight in your throat as his lips brushed it along the seam of their joining.  Opening to allow a darted tongue to tweak it, and making you whine.  This time needing to hold onto him to steady yourself as you sex throbbed madly to a wilding beat, his mouth now sucking at the pebbled nipple.  Your legs rubbing together again as he toyed with both of them, until tears pricked your eyes; continuing long past the point that you felt you could bare it.  Ignoring your pleas, growling into your skin as he kissed up your chest and onto your neck.  Sucking at the skin there, nipping gentle little bites into it whilst his hand slipped to grip almost painfully at your hip, pulling all of you a tiny bit closer to him.

“Do you want to cum princess?”

He voice was gravelly low in your ear, the words for the orgasm like the slang for your sex unknown; but easy enough to decipher.  The added allure of what else he could teach you besides dirty words, sending bolts of shivery excitement to your clit, as you nodded.  His hand spread so far across you hip that his thumb could almost touch it. 

“Use your words princes.”

Maker how was he so controlled when you were not; it wasn’t fair.  Taking a breath to speak you replied with as simple ‘please.’ Hearing the catch in his breath as much as the whine in your little plea.  His hand twisting to run the slick seam of your labia, his middle finger catching on the little nub of sensitive flesh that peeked out from it as you opened your legs a little.

“Ask properly little one.”

“Please daddy.”

Your request was breathless and hurried, as you tried to grind yourself tighter against the probing hand.  General Hux tutting once more and keeping his teasing feather-light.  The action enough to bring you back to the edge, but not enough to topple it.  Moving his hand away in time with your rocking hips.  His mouth back to the column of your neck.       

“Properly.”

There was a certain edge of sternness to his order, and eyes flickering open, you looked at him for answers.  Your face heating when he flippantly gave you the words he wanted you to use.  His perfect accent enunciating every syllable of the sentence you were to follow.

“Please daddy, may I cum.”  

At first you thought to refuse.  Then as his mouth dipped lower to your breast again, your need to orgasm grew.  Taking a deep gulp against your nerves you stammered out your begging request.

“Please daddy, may I cum for you.”

The words felt so alien on your tongue and yet you liked the way they sounded.  Even more so when his fingers moved tighter to you and his mouth found your nipple again.  His teeth holding it in place as his tongue flicked over it.  The circles he now rubbed into you faster and more purposeful, not relenting until you threw back your head and cried out a tiny howl of pleasure.  His spare arm wrapping your waist to support you, as he rubbed until you where so sensitive that your legs threatened to give way.  Only stopping when one of your hands finally left its perch on his shoulder to add to your begging that he would do so.

Finished you expected some demand that he now be given some sort of his own release at your hands.  After all this was twice now that he had done this for you, and there was a definite bulge against your hip where it rested almost between his legs, your arms wrapped once more to his neck.  Clinging to him whilst you could catch your breath enough to offer.  Caught completely off guard when he raised his first two fingers into the light; studying the mess you had left on them intently.

He had said that it was a good thing, and yet from the way he looked at the glistening strands you had to wonder if that was the case.  Almost burying your face to hide it, stopped as almost drowsily, he brought the mess to his lips.  Humming as his eyes closed, his lips fastening around the digits; sucking them clean as you watched on.  His eyes opening to pure black as he relinquished his fingers and tilted his head to yours once more.  His mouth catching your own in a flippantly quick kiss that left a brief taste of yourself on your lips.  The musky smelling taste still apparent as he lifted you from the water.  A nearby towel procured and wrapped around you to carry you to bed and lay down with him.  Your damp feet laid atop of his covers and his uniform trousers as he held you close to his chest.  Stroking at your hair as you lay against him; his chest warming your cheek; watching as he lay there with you, eyes closed and gently easing into an almost snoring rhythm.  Seemingly content despite the one sides participation.  Something that you where not entirely okay with.  Surely if he could make you feel like this, then there was something you could do to him.  Something that would make him as equally undone as you had been; you just had to will up the courage to ask him to show you.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will maybe will be more full of typos and mistakes than usual. I've broken/bruised the ribs down my right side and am very, very high on painkillers and over tiredness. Please excuse them, but I've been at a loss for something to do that doesn't hurt me too much. Feel free to let me know

There were to be visitors in General Hux’s main quarters that evening.  You knew this because Kylo Ren had first warned you about their eminent arrival. Then during a walk around the Finalizer with him, you had seen them.  Standing and gasping at the show they made of their arrival from a safe distance.  Hidden in plain sight from the General by Commander Ren, whilst he had let you watch the arrival of their transport shuttle.  The knight robed and helmeted, standing next to you and explaining it all to you; how the deflector shields lowered whilst various squadrons of troops stood on guard ceremony. 

Now with this explanation you better understood how the shuttle you had arrived, on had entered the Finalizer.  Your eyes widening at how beautiful they had all looked, the women in long flowing skirts and decked in various shimmering jewels, one with a small circlet of silver metal across her head.  The men dressed equally as smartly, as they followed behind the women chest puffed out and straight backed.  Then after those a small set of armed guards in crimson robes and helmets carrying long metal spikes.

“It is an envoy from one of the lesser houses on Naboo.”

You nodded at the man’s otherwise muted and modulated tones.  His constant and inexplicable trust of you, allowing him to let his guard down and permitting you to understand the comradeship in him showing this.  Kylo Ren in his own way cared, he thought that you would enjoy seeing this, and so had chosen to sneak you to it; though you also gathered that daddy would not have approved of you being here.    

“Do they always dress so beautifully?”    

The man in the mask besides you, gave a little spluttered laugh.  His shoulders shaking whilst he explained the politics behind dressing so ostentatiously.  That it was a front put on to impress General Hux and through him hopefully the First Order.

“The dresses are meant as a show of wealth and status.  They are hoping little one, that if they impress us we would help them usurp their planets leader.”

You did not know much of politics, nor did you want to.  But you knew that Kylo Ren thought their clothing silly, but you were not of a similar mind.  Perhaps not as flamboyantly as some of the dresses, but you would enjoy being dressed up like that; or at least to look a little prettier from time to time.  Frowning instantly at such a selfish and shallow thought, of being upset that daddy had never bought you a dress.  General Hux had spent so much effort on looking after you, that it just was plain rude to expect more.  You were fed and looked after, your life was immeasurably better than it had been before; you should not dwell on such petty thoughts.       

“We have to move it, daddy’s meeting won’t last forever.”

You had pulled yourself out from your daydream of being dressed up and presented on General Hux’s arm at some party or event.  You where here to do something, Kylo Ren had used the excuse that daddy was busy, to be able to sneak you out for another practice.  One that you had been more eager to attend before having realised that you had never been seen publicly on his arm.  That other than Kylo you were not sure anyone really knew what was going on; possibly you too.        

Now exhausted from the practice, you lay outstretched on your bed.  Your mind was filled with thoughts of what he was up to and who he was up to it with.  The food he had briefly fetched across for your evening meal, hardly picked over and left to go cold on the table.  His swift visit along with an apology that he was entertaining the ambassadors that evening.  Promising that he would be back for bed time, that he wanted to tuck you in.  Now your preferred bedtime had come and gone, and after a very long shower, you had changed ready for bed.  Waiting up, until common sense told you that he wasn’t coming and to at least get into your bed and be comfortable.  That night, for the first time since he had given you it, you curled up to sleep in your own bed.  Still unable to sleep and already awake long past your bedtime you felt so very lonely and disappointed.  You hadn’t wanted him to take the time out of his busy evening to read you a bedtime story.  But even if the meeting had gone on, he could have maybe excused himself for a quick word goodnight.  Given a quick kiss on the forehead, or at best sent word via a droid or a holopad that he couldn’t make it.

It felt wrong to begrudge him time to do his job, or to demand anything for yourself from the man who did everything for you.  You were supposed to be happy for all that he had provided and done for you.  This entire room was set up with your comfort in mind, you were not supposed to feel jealous and put out by one late meeting. But it hurt that he had not stopped to consider you, almost with a sense of personal rejection.  You just couldn’t help it; you wanted him here, with you.  It was hard not to fall asleep without his chest at your back; even after such a short time of having him do so.  The bed felt entirely too large, too cold without his arms wrapped around you.  It wasn’t like he was even in the same set of rooms; this really sucked.     

Tiptoeing to the hidden door in your wardrobe, you pressed the opening mechanism inside.  Slipping easily through and into his wardrobe.  Pushing aside the greatcoat and opening it slowly, stepping from it to find his bedroom pristine as always, but completely deserted. His bed made up for the night, creaseless with a small waft of his aftershave lingering on the pressed pillowcases. 

You wanted to scoop up that pillow and take it to your bed, but as you listened there was a burst of laughter from the other room.  The delicate clinks of glasses pressed together in a toast, drinks being poured and the soft tinkling music; a type not dissimilar to the song he had taught you to dance to.  Mixed with the wafting smells of smoke and whiskey, it confirmed Kylo Ren’s warnings.  General Hux was entertaining, and it sounded like a party.  Not a large gathering; but another ‘grown up’ event that you would like to have; but would not be attending with him.  

At least he had not gone to bed for the night and left you to sleep alone.  Perhaps there was a chance that he would wake you when he was done.  You felt then even more the isolation, a deepening sense that you were not, and would not ever be included in that part of his world.  That somehow you were too inadept to be apart of his work life. 

Stripping off your own clothing, you sent them into the laundry chute and wandered his room naked as you pulled out the draws.  If he hadn’t come to bed yet then, that surely was a good thing.  But you had not come in here to sleep either.  In the absence of him, you wanted something that at least smelt and felt of him.  Hunting down an old jumper he sometimes wore on an evening, adding perhaps to your child-like status as you crept back to the wardrobe.  Pulling on the jumper and hesitant in yourself; losing the battle against the impulse to climb into his bed.  Only saved from doing so when the door slid open and you scrambled quickly.  Pushing yourself tight against the wall next to it, alarmed at having disappointed him; frightened for what was to come from your failure. 

Of course he would be disappointed, you had once again proven you lacked something else vital to a public companion.  Still when a lone black-gloved finger pressed to his lips, you accepted the signal to be quiet.  The General raising a brow, before he calmly turned to face the room he had exited.  He took a step or two into it and asked to be excused for one moment.  Citing the need to attend to a urgently pressing matter that had just arisen.  Promising the sultry sounding female voice that cooed in adult distress at him leaving her, that he certainly would be back as soon as his task permitted him to.  Closing the door and glaring at you whilst he angrily strode closer.  Roughly grabbing your arm and pulling you away from the wall and to his chest. Craning his neck to bring his mouth to your ear, hissing disappointment in your ear.

“Did you ever stop to consider that it might not have been me, that it could have been someone else who came in here?”

Pouting you looked angrily up at him.  As cross with yourself as you were with him.  Trying furiously not to show just how upset you were.  Telling yourself that you didn’t care how cross he was at you, he too had acted unfairly.  But he was sadly right, you hadn’t considered that anyone but him would walk into his bedroom; his private space that he shared only with you.  It had just been so sad and lonely without him, that naturally you came in here looking for comfort.  Comfort that from the grip of the man had on your arm, was unlikely to come.  Making it harder for you to hold onto your tears, sniffing as you first tried to apologise for upsetting him.

“No, don’t you dare cry, do not you realise how dangerous it could have been.”

You had tried to soothe the troubled waters, before you added anymore of your own.  General Hux must have caught sight of your face as he pulled you through into your bedroom.  Now as he looked down at you, there was a small huff almost of acceptance.  His chastisement of you turning down a little more of a gentle pathway, though he was still cross with you.

“Kitten look at me.”

Swallowing you looked up.  Choosing that you would not entirely obey.  Refusing to raise your chin to him, ensuring that he did not get the respect he thought he was entitled to; but still looking at him.  Your sadness becoming more irrational in your newly found jealousy, irate with his reasoning when you realized the more you looked, that he was dressed to entertain.  That he had dressed up to host other women in his room.  Maker why did he have to look so handsome, to smell that amazing.  It was not fair that some other woman got the pleasure of being with him when he looked like that.  It should have been you flirting with him; draped on his arm.  Or at least you had thought it should have been only you.

“Do you often entertain visiting women in your bedroom.”

You were that angry that you almost hissed your taunted question at him, the word woman dropping from your tongue like scalding larva.  Watching in amazement as he practically recoiled from you in what seemed to be shock.  Knowing deep down it was probably both unfair and unwise to do so, but unable to be calm enough to let those thoughts win right now.  You were hurt and in your hurt you lashed out, being reasonable had nothing to do with it; he needed to understand what he had done.

“Get onto your fucking bed.”

With that tone of hardened steel and iron; General Hux had regained both his composure and his authority over you. Splashing your anger with an icy calmness and anger that made you quiver in submission to him.  Now fully turning your attention to him, his visage one of fury and heated control, desperately seeking amends. 

“Now!”

One look at him and you did as you were told.  The fear from his scowl having already enough without that added yell.  All that resided in the apex of your thighs throbbing with fear.  Climbing into your unmade and messy sheets.  Pulling at the comforter to cover yourself up and readying yourself for at least the pretence of sleep.  Your bottom tingling with some almost forgotten remembrance of how painful the last spanking had been.  Obediently obeying; whilst also trying to find the words to say sorry.  Not because you did not want him to spank you, he could do that all he wanted if it made him forgive you, but because somehow you had hurt him with your disappointment in him.  You didn’t want him to be cross at you; not ever.

“Did I say you could cover yourself, I said to get onto your bed not in it.  Lay on your bloody back, both arms above your head.”

You swiftly let go of the covers.  Staring wide eyed as the General decided you had not done so quickly enough, pointedly pulling them off you with a stiff yank.  His jaw squared and clenched tight at your frantic recoil attempts to cover yourself up.  Stopping when with a small tap he indicated that you should also let go of pulling down the hemline of his pilfered sweatshirt. 

With a breath you placed your arms loosely above your head.  His left hand moving first to gather your right and then move it with your left hand, centring them until he could grasp both wrists in his.  The leather on the glove squeaking as he gripped them bruisingly tighter, pressing them almost painfully into the pillows.  The sleeve of his shirt riding up a little to show a smidgen of freckle dusted wrist.  Holding them there whilst his right hand gripped the bottom of his jumper.  Then with almost a casual gaze at you flicking it up to uncover you.  Pulling it higher than your breasts and leaving you otherwise completely bared to his eyes.  Watching with unreadable eyes as you lay practically naked and quivering atop of your mattress.  Your breath juddering as his fingers stroked across the tops of the swell of your breasts.   His warmed leather tips dipping between them and then traced up the farthest one from the side he sat down to.  Hearing yourself gasp, as his thumb and forefinger pinched resolutely at your bared nipple.  His face an unreadable mask of nothingness as he slowly pressed firmer to it, waiting until your breathing became a whimpered beg, to let go of it.  Swiftly releasing it, kissing the delicately oversensitive teat and then trailing two fingers back up to your face.  Catching your chin and lifting it up to present you better to him as they moved higher.  His icy blue eyes blown to almost imponderable black fire for all the restraint he kept to the rest of his face.  The heat from your cheeks threating to burn you alive as as his prominent two fingers pressed to your lips. 

The stern command to open was followed by the insertion of the tips of them into your more than willing mouth.  Your lips closing firmly closed around them, tasting both leather and a suggestion of sour-sweet spilled spirits.  He breath caught to a silent hitch, as almost instinctively you tried an experimental suck on them.  Proud of yourself when you swallowed a little, and for a split second his face lost all composure, his jaw softer as him mouth fell apart in slack in admiration.

He may have been quick to recover from it, but he knew you had seen it.  Your body already responding with gleeful pride to the sight, that you could do that to him.  A quick pulling pulse deepening to a throb in your pussy, telling you that you had enjoyed that sight as much as anything he did to you.  The pulsing made only more powerful as he withdrew his fingers from your protesting mouth.  Using the slickness of your saliva as lubricant, rubbing them slowly around the still puckered tip of the pinched nipple.  Manipulating it until you squirmed under his grip of you, pressing your thighs together and closing your eyes to the burning sense of need.  Flinching and whimpering; opening your eyes as he flicked hard against it. Groaning an ouch between gritted teeth when your eyes lowered until he repeated act.

“Eyes on me sweetheart. Close them again and it will hurt much, much more.”

You nodded, hearing the breathlessness despite his commanding tone.  Raising your eyes to watch him reach for the other as yet untouched nipple.  Licking his thumb and brushing the pad of it in small rings around the areola, tightening the circles until he ran over the top of the hardened nipple itself.  Eyes alive as you shuddered a little, gasping and biting your lip, your already heated core growing slicker under his teasing.  Rocking your hips against nothing, whilst General Hux gave a tut when he looked down at your wriggling; but kept up his manipulation of you.  Your spine trying to arch you away from the burning increasement of pleasure, whining when the stimulation became too much.  General Hux huffing a breath of supposed annoyance to your movement and then climbing over you to straddle your upper thighs.  Still keeping hold of your wrists and once again his free had toying indiscriminately with your breasts, but this time lowering himself to your ear. 

“You’re jealous of a woman who can’t have me.”

He chased his comment with a flippant, open mouthed kiss, one that made you wish there had been more.  Quickly flicking the point of his tongue over your bottom lip as he pulled away from you.  Straightening his spine to look down at you helplessly pinned underneath his slight weight.  How much more obscenely indecent did you look then for him still being clothed, whilst you again were naked. His plump mouth pulling a quick smirk as you caught sight of the bulge twitching at the root of his groin.  Blushing and looking away to take all of him in and then despite your resolve, looking back to his crotch. 

“Do you want to see it baby-girl?”

Swallowing thickly at the suggestion, you nodded trying to appear as eager as you felt to finally see that part of him.  Biting your lip as you did and then at a reminder to use your words added a yes please daddy.  His mouth dipping low to you, as he began attacking your neck with more open mouthed kisses.  These firmed with added gentle nibbles of your skin, working up to the spot behind your ear that made you whine for him.  His tongue flicking your lobe, before his teeth gently nipped at it, your back arching again; this time to bring yourself closer to him.  Stopped from pressing further into the confines of his chest by his grip at your wrists and his weight on your legs.  Deliberately pinning you in place, his voice quietly muttering a collectedly crisp order into your ear. 

“It’s a cock, can you say cock baby?”

You nodded.  Turning your cheek to press against the coolness of the pillow and quietly muttering the word into the small space between you both.  Blushing as you register the change in his breathing, something that he allowed to change into a husky order to look back at him.

“Now if you want to see daddy’s cock you have to ask nicely; can you do that? Can you say please daddy may I see your cock?”

You tried looking away again, his hand holding your face gently in place as you repeated the required request word for word.  Stammering at little at first, then just spitting it out quickly as your mouth dried out and made your tongue clumsy.  Anxious for all you were just following his directions both of what you were saying, and of the lack of experience you had of seeing a human cock.  Searching his face for some indication that you had done well, rewarded with another kiss to your mouth.  Two more placed on either nipple as he raised on his knees and let go of your hands. 

“Good girl.  You can see it, but you mustn’t touch it; not yet.”

You nodded, frowning at his refusal to let you do anything more than look at him.  Your tongue darting to wet your lips as both hands reached to lift aside the bottom of his uniform top, tucking it into his belt to uncover the closing on his trousers.  Running his fingers across the waist band to the hidden fastening.  Drawing out the length of time it took to open up the fly on his trousers and to push them from his hips a little.  Pulling his cock free from his dress pants, shifting his trousers and softly stroking the swollen length.

You of course had seen some male intimate areas on Cadannia, but never had there been an adult human one.  Now you looked down to see his.  Delicate black leather fingers circling it; holding himself in a loose fist, making a beautiful contrast against his pale skin.  His hand moving leisurely up the shaft towards the tip of his cock, the head coloured the same flushed red as his kiss swollen lips.  His thumb pressing to capture the bead of moisture that gathered at the end and with a soundless groan began rubbing it over the tip.  You knew now what Kylo Ren had said about him taking himself in his hand over images of you; but you longed to replace his hand with your own.  If this was because he wanted to touch you, then it was a strange order that you couldn’t touch him.  One that filled you with a sense of disappointment, even despite knowing that you would need him to show you how you needed to please him. 

You may be inexperience, but you aspired to be able to give him pleasure.  To know that you were the one who caused him to come as undone as he made you, to leave him breathless and fulfilled.  Desperately wishing you dared to move you hand and disobey the order not to touch him; but to scared of what it would stop if you did. 

“Why can’t I touch you?”

It was a sad little question.  One that made him stop his self-masturbation and look at you.  It seemed such an odd order, one that you struggled to accept.  Surely, he wanted you to touch him, wasn’t that why he touched you to show you that this was good. 

“Because I say so.”

Your brown knitted together, and you pouted at his teasing.  Your frustration at his selfishness making him wipe the amused glint from his eyes and lean back closer to you.  The movement ironically bringing his displayed cock to press against your stomach, unintentionally meaning that a part of you was permitted to touch his cock.

“If I let you touch me you have to stop when I tell you to, understood princess?”

You nodded solemnly, trying not to concentrate on the feel of something warm and heavy against you as he slotted himself along your side.  The movement pressing the hardness into you and leaving something sticky smeared across your lower abdomen.  The colourless fluid cooling quickly despite the heat of the organ it had escaped from, his mouth pressing to yours again.  Kissing you as he took one of your hands from its stiff position at your head.  Holding it in his as he brought it lower between you both.  Hissing as he wrapped your smaller hand around his cock.  Splaying his fingers between your inexperienced grip on him, tightening your hold of him a little and gradually pumping your hand.  His hips rocking into each movement, as you watched his face.

Normally he was so impassive that you had to just accept that you were doing something right.  But right now you were under no confusion or misapprehensions as to if he was enjoying himself.  Letting you both learn from and enjoy the experience without concerns, taking notes of how he jumped a little more as you neared the head of his cock.  It felt much warmer than you had expected, softer too; and so very smooth as it moved under your fingers.  Occasionally twitching as his breath came ragged when pressed against your partly open mouth.  Each breath washing you with the smell of sweetly sugared alcohol and a hint of mint.  His eyes lidded, but so intense as he stared at you, giving a desperate little groan before he commanded you desperately to stop.  Gripping your fist even tighter to stop your unresponsive hand from moving. 

“The things you do to me.”

He sounded breathless and filled with honest amazement.  But still he pulled your away hand from his cock, tucking the length straight away back into his pants. Much to your disappointment fastening them back up and ignoring your stammered protests that he didn’t have to stop.  Pinching your chin and clearing his throat, to bring back all seriousness to his rigid form.

“The first time you’ll see me cum; you’ll feel it too, inside here.”

For emphasis he had placed his hand over the mound of your sex.  The wet slap as his glove connected with your slickened pussy.  Possessively covering up what he clearly though of as his, the added growled ‘mine’ making you all the more sure of it, as he slid down between your legs.

“You want to have sex with me?”

You looked between your legs.  The General still pristinely presented for all a second ago he had been showing you how to wank him off.  Hands slipping between your ass and the bed sheets, gripping your buttocks in his hands and dragging you towards his mouth.           

“I want to fuck you baby yes.  But daddy hasn’t the time and besides I’m not in the right mood to take you gently tonight.  You’ll have to make do with sending me back in there smelling of your pretty little cunt.”

He sounded so savage, so needy that you struggle to look at him anymore. Then his hot, wet mouth was as promised on your pussy, practically devouring you.  Your eyes screwed shut to the sensations as his tongue seeking places inside of you that you had never thought to touch.  Back gently arching and hips rocking into his face, as his lips pursed around the spot he had shown you when he had bathed you.  Sucking it between his lips, holding it in place with his teeth as he sucked on it.  Letting go only to work circles into the same spot with his tongue.  Expertly working you until your legs shook and tears slipped from your eyes; your wrists pinned where they could not mess up his hair.  Your entire body juddering, his face digging in closer pressing your core to him as you screeched, your back arched to breaking point. 

You where still seeing stars as he loosened his hold on you.  Letting you flop back exhausted against the mattress, his tongue still working weak juddering aftershocks from you.  Wiping the mess you had made on his face against your thigh and peering up at your breathless face.  Taking a moment or two to gather himself before he extradited himself from his perch.  His eyes less full of fire and more gentle when he stooped to kiss you.  Your mouth tasting yourself on his lips, your tongue following his lead as he cupped your jaw.  Your nostrils alive with the scent of your pussy.  Gone was the previous tone of almost angry urgency and back was you placid and caring daddy. 

“Now stay in bed until I come for you.”

Eyes wide you nodded adding a whined little ‘daddy’ to gain his attention.

“You smell of me.”

You meant it as a warning not for him to step back to bend between your thighs, holding eye contact whilst he hummed and licked a part of your thigh clean.  Holding all pretence of seriousness as he kissed your pussy and then your fore head.  Pulling down his jumper and pulled back the covers, tucking your exhaustedly sated body into your oversized bed.  Protesting in your innocence that he perhaps should wash his face. 

“My, what ever will the ambassador think?”

He shut the adjoining door and ordered the lights off; leaving you to flop down into your bed.  You were aware that so long as no one came close enough to smell him, they would be none the wiser as to what one of the most powerful men in the galaxy had just been doing to you.  If they did, well that was their choice.  Clearly daddy had enjoyed you making that mess and he was not afraid to show it off.           


	22. Tell me nothing has changed, that words hold all the same

Days had passed and still the Senator was still at large, somewhere aboard his ship in one of the visitor’s suits.  Worse, apparently more dignitaries and prospective financiers had boarded in the days that had followed.  Meaning you ended up stuck aboard the Finalizer with her for another four cycles.  Four cycles that seemed to do nothing but drag and leave your already frazzled nerves on edge.  The last of which had ended with an early night, a hot water bottle and another round of cramps; the one bad thing that came from adequate nutrition and a lack of daily stresses. 

Perhaps there were no more intimate gatherings scheduled to avoid stepping on anyone’s toes. Or perhaps as a result of his fear of you nearly being found; General Hux had decided not to host anymore parties in his private quarters for the duration of the visits.  Nor you had you seen her or heard daddy so much as utter her name since that evening. 

It should have been more than a small victory, that she too was no longer welcome in his quarters.  That to have behaved so badly that he had been cross at you sneaking around his rooms in jealousy had caused him to behave as hotly as he had.  It perhaps was not lady-like, but it had been undeniably wickedly pleasant to have sent him back to his work. Leaving just memories of his skilful tongue leaving your pussy still throbbing in the aftershocks of your orgasm; echoed in the loneliness and need you felt.  To what you hoped was not just the woman who had challenged you, but a room full of people knowing what he had done to you. Knowing that he was yours, not hers like she wanted.  What he had done to you, that had been almost worth his disappointment at you. 

Though you couldn’t take victory as cleanly as you wanted to.  Still you didn’t like it.  Your evenings together were cut short; mornings seemed to happen sooner each day.  Her demands and those less abrasively requested of the others left him with fewer hours to relax; his working day started earlier and finished later; and it seemed you were not a priority.   He still was gone too much and that left you feeling sad; lonelier than you had been and your menses just made it worse. Apparently, she was still to travel to the planet Arkanis aboard his ship.  It wasn’t just her it would appear either.  A few other wealthy parties were being taken, or at the least escorted to what you understood now was daddy’s home world.  Some of the wealthiest citizens in the galaxy were convening to witness a weapons demonstration, that and a few parties and galas.  All hosted by General Hux and the First Order.  All set up to convince those with the finances to part with their credits to better fund a brighter tomorrow.  All in the interests of the First Order and the peace it could provide to the galaxy.    

You hated her being here almost as much as you had Dr Amara.  You felt threatened by her, but it was different to the jealousy you had felt towards Dr Amara.  Daily you knew from listening more than you should be, that delegation seemed to be demanding something extra of his time.  Their; her needs coming first, leaving you a little more alone than you had already been. 

Whilst you suspected from the way he practically rolled his eyes at the requests for his company it was not always a necessity; but you also understood why he had to go.  This was his job.  General Hux was an ambassador for the organisation he so firmly believed in and had to bend over backwards for him.  The way he spoke to you of his plans for the distant future of a united a peaceful galaxy brought a fire to his eyes that seemed to be infectious to those around him.  He was the perfect figurehead, you could not stand in the way of his dreams.  It would have been cruel and nothing of a thank you to the man who had saved you. 

It couldn’t always be her that he went to help.  But the fear on hearing another woman in General Hux’s quarters hadn’t been unfounded.  He had had a mature sexual relationship with at least one woman you knew, so had there been others; would there be others.  You had nothing for him to show any concern, no history; no idea of how to behave.  Since he had placed you in his bed any attraction to him from another seemed to be one-way street.  None of it flowed from his side to his.  But there was before you.  Surely, he had allowed those before you, to touch him, to bring him pleasure as he had done to you. 

You could not decide fully enough to let go of the nauseous heart-sick worry you felt.  The fear that you misunderstood and that he was only keeping you happy until it was time to let you go to someone else.  Was this the reason he wouldn’t let you touch him, why so far, he had declined to have sex with you? 

General Hux had shown enough annoyance at her supposed interest in him, that it was easier to control your doubts about him leaving you for her.  But sadly, they were still there.  Lingering under the surface ready to emerge, especially when he scuttled off and left you.  Was it only a matter of time before he did find someone, or where you especially sensitive since   Whilst it was there when he spoke of her, a dismissive almost disrespectful boredom when you tried to speak bridge the gap to talk to him of your fears.  You could not bear to be a disappointment to him.  So instead you reasoned with yourself that you were being silly.  Remembering how he had treated you when he had realised you were threatened by her.  He was just doing his duty to the First Order.  Not being quite able to address your jealous imagination with him for fear that it somehow made you less in his eyes, you suffered.

You knew you had to deal with it.  There was always going to be other women; always there would be a bigger fish than you were.  Even when you told yourself that it was not that you had any issue with him needing to do his job, the one that also kept you; it was another stab to what you were.  You had to accept that within in his circles there would always be women like this one.  Women that would always appear grown-up and more sophisticated meaning that you would always feel like a child compared to them; you had to get over it.  But how?    

Had she had cottoned on to him having had you?  Her demands were giving you precious little time with him.  He was already a busy man, but his lack of time for you; this was somehow worse than his usual business keeping him from you.  He was always busy, but he had always made more time than he had lately.  Now he felt horribly distant.  There was no time for him to do anything more intimate than to occasionally cuddle you.  You wanted more from him; you needed more to be able to accept the length of his absences from you.    

Now with the added pains, your spirit was lower.  You were also given to understand that tomorrow he was disembarking the Finalizer.  Kylo Ren at least having the decency to bring you that information.  That both he and General Hux would leave you alone aboard the ship, and daddy alone with countless more women; all of them better than you. 

Perhaps more hormone fuelled than usual, tonight, you wanted to ensure that he still wanted you.  It was all confusing, especially given he was heading planet-side come the next full cycle.  You needed him to tell more people, or at least bring you out from hiding.  Not because you wanted to be mean to her or for her to feel uncomfortable.  But because you wanted to feel secure that there was never going to be a completion, that he was yours as much as you were his.    

You had intended on doing your best to at least stay awake; but you always seemed to be more exhausted during this time of the month.  The days lessons had dragged; and if you were honest had been more spent rehearsing in your head what you had to say than learning.  To make as sure as you could, that you would have this out like a grown up; and him be proud of the mature way you did so.  So you had tried to sit up reading.  Choosing a holo-novel you thought he would approve of; and careful to listen out until you could hear daddy go to his bedroom.  Your clever little plan had then been to sneak across and join him in his own bed to talk about it. To slide under his covers and cosy up to him whilst making your apologies for your behaviour and asked him to assuage your growing fears that he would one day give you up.  You felt somehow that you were letting him down, but you needed him to know how he made you feel; or at least the truth from him if you were being put aside. 

Naturally you had fallen asleep, and again you had woken alone.  Though this time you were just as annoyed as before you had slept.  The chronometer showed it was too early even for him to be abed.  You were about to get out of bed and go to him, stopped short by the sounds of a flush activating in your refresher.  Tensing and freezing; your heart pounding; the door swinging back to your slower beating heart, to show him still in his sleep clothes.

“Did I wake you sweetheart, sorry.”

General Hux stepped through the door of the refresher to you.  The pale glow illuminating his messy silhouette, his voice for all of the sleepiness of his appearance quiet and controlled.  His noiseless shuffles working around the bed to lean over you and when you raised up onto your forearms, frowning as you reached for him, to bent over to kiss you.  Pressing a kiss to your forehead, breathing deeply as you scrambled to your knees.  Wrapping both arms around him in both a show of thanks that he was here, and not somewhere else.  

“It’s too early to go.”

You could hear the disappointment in your whisper and wished he would take it as a plea to stay; one you could not now ask of him.  His chest muffling your voice, fussing over you as only he did, lowering you back to your bed.  Fluffing up pillows and making a small nest to deposit you back into.

“It is almost time for my shift.  I had not intended to wake you; rest a little while longer angel.”

Even as sleepy as you were, it didn’t take you long to realise that he had used the refresher after having spent some time in your bed.  That he had simply not had time to rearrange your bedding.  You had allowed doubt to intercede unnecessarily, he had come to you regardless of your plans to go to him; he may have done on other nights too.  Now he was leaving you to prepare for the day, but you didn’t want him to go.  Yet you couldn’t bear to seem needy and ask him to stay a little longer; and you remembered the arguments of the last time.  Instead you clung tighter, biting your lip, before trying instead to hold him here with adult conversation.  

“How was last night?”

You hardly wanted to hear how his social event had been.  More that you wished he would tell you that the woman whose throaty laugh and teasing voice had left his ship.  You could not bear to let on given his tenderness, that you were jealous.  It seemed so infantile to pout and ask if she had been trying it on with him. Especially of a man who had claimed at the start that he was much to old to be doing this with you.

“The senator and her party are still here, but I believe the funding is secure.  However, she will journey onto Arkanis with us.”

You swallowed at that, pushing sleep tousled hair back from your eyes and scratching at your face.  More out of a need to cover the disappointment you felt at having her around, than to control your voice when it wavered a little asking how long that would be and why a planet.  Why Arkanis.

“A day or two, and then we will be in the planets orbital range.  They have requested a ground-based demonstration of our troops.  We have planet-based facilities suitable to entertain located near the capital.”

You frowned at that, unsure of what all of this meant, but again not wanting to show ignorance by asking.  You knew you should be already orbiting the planet, but not what the planet was like.  Indeed, other than Cadannia you had no idea what planet life was really.  Granted you had read enough geographical studies; but it was not the same as experiencing them.

“Go to sleep, I will leave you reading material on the subject, meanwhile you will need to be well rested.”

You did not want to go to sleep any more than you wanted your current stomach cramps.  A sudden wave of them making you wince and General Hux look down at you.  Reaching for a tiny canister you were only now noticing, sat behind the water glass set on your night stand.  Palming two small tablets from it and offering them to you, before setting container down.

“You are menstruating; these will help with the pain.”

It shouldn’t have shocked you in the slightest that he had known to expect your cycle better than you had.  So far there had only been cramps, but he had known to expect even them.  You took the painkillers, accepting the glass of water he offered next.  Noting he had removed the holopad and placed it and all the other mess you had left last night; tidily on the nightstand.  He was so attentive, so kind to you that it made you guiltier for feeling this way.  Why could you not just be happy with what he was giving you?

You thanked him, adding as weak smile and letting him guide you back into a recumbent position.  Forgetting; or perhaps too frightened to argue for him to stay.  You had liked him treating you like a child hadn’t you; you had liked the innocence of it all.  The previous security. 

“Have you started bleeding yet?”

Probably, it felt like you had; but you were not sure.  So childishly you shrugged at his question, rolling over and pretending sleep was more important.  Hurt that this was at all an important question, given that in mere hours he would be gone again.

“Do you know what will work better than those drugs to ease your cramps.”

His voice was husky; though when you opened your eyes and shuffled to turn to look at him; his face showed almost boyish amusement.  A twist to his mouth that was a kinder parody of a smirk, making you for a second forget to swallow; gulping when you finally did.  Shaking your head and pulling your brows tight in confusion as you stared over your shoulder at him.  His feet walking him to the refresher and then back again to you. 

“Shall I show you baby?”

“Show me what?”

There was a nervous squeak to your voice, nothing like the rough purr of his.  Your lips parted and your eyes probably as black as his were as he sat in the small space near your hip.  Hands pulling the cover from you, then rubbing over the mound of your hip; gently circling your belly and lower back.  Even working over your inner thighs in neat little circles, gently easing the aching muscles until you rolled over onto your back for him.

“Bum up, bottoms off.”

It was spoken with a tenderness you knew he would never use with his subordinates; but it was no less meant as an order.  So you planted both soles of your feet flat on the bed and raised your arse.  Pulling down the sleep shorts and your knickers, whilst he placed a warn and fluffy towel under where your hips would settle once you lowered them.  Protesting as you did, that he was going to be late for work.

He seemed if anything amused by your protests, the smirk no more pronounced; though his eyes held far more amusement.  Pushing your torso back until you were half reclined against the pillows now at your back.   His movements firm, but careful enough to make you want to follow his lead.  Your eyes locked with his as his mouth came closer, kissing first your cheek, then your mouth.  Working his lips against yours until you sighed into him, closing your eyes and relaxing.  His bare hands stroking up the outside of your thigh until he found the hand you had resting near it.  Taking it inside his and bringing it to the apex of your thighs. 

“Remember when I told you not to touch yourself here?”

You nodded.  His hand letting yours go to cup your jaw, sloppy kisses pacing the line of your jaw until he could nibble at your ear.  Nipping at it until you shivered against him and gave a little whine.  Breathlessly moaning an agreement, recalling his words to him.   

“Unless you told me I could.”

“Good girl, now touch yourself.”

“But I’m dirty,”

“Touch yourself!”

He cut you off with a muted roar and three fingers pressed to your lips.  Your mouth was dry and your eyes unfocused, but you nodded at him.  Knowing that this close he would not only be able to see the burn in your cheeks but feel it too.  His cheeks smooth as the brushed against the warmth, rolling back to sit straight enough to watch you.  His eyes hooded as they looked longingly to the space between your legs.

He was expectant of you to obey.  Despite your shyness you inched your hands towards your pussy, cupping it then slipping a finger into it.  Gathering what slickened wetness had been pooling there and working up towards your clit.  Your fingers working over it as his hand, his eyes softening as he reached a hand to cup your breast.  Careful to be softer than usual, his thumb brushed over one peaked nipple until you shivered.  Arching his back down to rub his mouth onto it as you worked circles around your clit. General Hux muttering encouragement as you did as he had ordered, before his teeth oh so gently nipped at your nipples.  Your mouth spluttering a loud mewl.  Breathlessly rubbing faster shapes over what was now a much-swollen clit, forgetting the mess you were afraid of making and shuddering.  Keening a cry of ecstasy as you saw stars and reached with your free hand to grab at his hair, pulling him from an over sensitive and over worked nipple.  Gasping for air and apologising for manhandling him.  He chuckled.  Smoothing back his hair and reached to cover you back up.  Smirking flippantly kissing you goodbye and moaning at the time.                   

“It’s your fault.  Rest, then you need to report to the medicentre; you have more shots.”     

**Author's Note:**

> This was not supposed to be a long piece, but it will be slow burn; because I haven't done that yet.  
> Also for anyone who doesn't realise from the tags this will utilize a lot of the Daddydom and Little dynamics, not to be confused with incestual relationships, everything here is very consentual.


End file.
